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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DS to bed without dinner

149 replies

messybessie · 31/07/2011 18:43

I've said it now but feel awful.

Sunday dinner in garden. Grandad and BIL also in attendance. DS is 5. Refused to sit properly, kept shouting and screeching, refused to use knife and fork, breaking up potatoes with his hands.

I took him from table and told him to sit in kitchen until he could behave.

He eventually came back to table but still wouldn't sit properly and finally through potato and fork across table.

Dinner went in bin. He is now sobbing because he'd hungry.

OP posts:
belledechocchipcookie · 31/07/2011 18:44

Food is not a weapon! Bring your child downstairs and feed him.

HeadfirstForHalos · 31/07/2011 18:45

I don't agree with withdrawing food as punishment though I can see how it came to that. Let him have some toast or somethong and send him back to bed.

LineRunner · 31/07/2011 18:46

When he is calm and when he has said sorry, you might agree with him - you're in charge - that he may come and sit nicely and have some bread and butter and a glass of milk (or equiv).

Smiles all round are not impossible today.

LadyThumb · 31/07/2011 18:46

Leave him for half an hour, go up and reiterate what he did wrong, get an apology then tell him he can have a sandwich.

Shinyshoes1 · 31/07/2011 18:46

give him something to eat.

I think you are being ott

joric · 31/07/2011 18:50

If he will eat new food without messing around with it and throwing it I don't see anything wrong with giving him some now - IMO you are right not to accept this and right to ask him to leave table...maybe a sandwich/ something plain?

Reesie · 31/07/2011 18:51

I suppose he is only 5 and was probably excited by all the extra family members in the house. There needs to be manners at the table though. Was he a bit overtired?

Don't feel awful, we can't go though our child rearing lives without reprimanding our children. It's through us that they learn their early social skills.

He had loads of chances but wouldn't eat. I make one pot of dinner per evening, one chance of eating and if you miss out on it - there's nothing else! No fuss, but no chance of something else. I'm not mean - it's all stuff they usually like to eat. I often get them involved in choosing what to make for dinner.

So - YANBU. Your job is to provide healthy food for your children, it's up to them to eat it! Don't go down the road of offering alternatives 'just' so that they eat 'something' - it's a sticky path!

Original poster
messybessie · 31/07/2011 18:52

He hasn't gone to bed yet. It's bathtime.

I will try and find him something when he's got his pyjamas on.

We are having lots of issues recently with his behaviour and I think he thinks I won't follow through on anything

He's probably right Sad

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 31/07/2011 18:53

YABU

Feed him ffs!

He's 5, are there usually guests for dinner?, do you usually eat in the garden?

Please dont use food as a punishment and pleease dont give him something plain/horrible instead!

belledechocchipcookie · 31/07/2011 18:54

You have to make threats that you can follow through, such as no TV/removal of a favourite toy. Food should never be with held as a punishment. It takes time and patience to train a child, like a dog really. Smile

Oakmaiden · 31/07/2011 18:55

Frankly, I would have thought if he was hungry he would have eaten his food and not thrown it across the table. I don't think you are being unreasonable - obviously it is not ideal, but sometimes life is like that.

aquos · 31/07/2011 18:58

I sent my son to bed once without dinner as he wouldn't come off his PS to eat at the table. I asked him 3 times and he ignored me. After about 10 minutes I just put the food in the bin and sent him to bed. I felt awful, probably a lot worse than he did. But, he always comes to the table now on the first time of asking. He was 8 att.

Parenting is tough and sometimes the actions we take hurt us more than it hurts them.

joric · 31/07/2011 19:01

I'm with oakmaiden- OP is hardly starving DS- he was GIVEN food and threw it across the table FFS!!! Something plain to eat now and a reminder ( for next time ) that he will be asked to leave the table again if he throws his food. He is 5 ( school age?) YANBU OP.

4madboys · 31/07/2011 19:01

actually if my kids mess about dont eat nicely at the table then they have also gone to bed without dinner.

ditto if they refuse to eat dinner because they dont like it, i wont offer an alternative, they go to bed hungry, offering alternatives and pandering to fussiness (in a non special needs child) is simply pandering to them imo.

you sit at the table and eat nicely, and use cuttlery (age appropriate obv) or you go without, even my 3 yr old understands that rule, i will warn him, give him time out and a final chance to come and sit and eat nicely but if the bad behaviour continues then he will (and has) gone to bed hungry.

MegBusset · 31/07/2011 19:02

I would give him something, but make it pretty dull - toast and a banana ought to do it.

Missing his dinner wasn't a punishment as far as I can see - he chose not to sit and eat it so being hungry is the natural consequence!

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 31/07/2011 19:04

how much of this is you doing the 'no dinner' because you had family round? Even if nothing is said, there's always the pressure of unspoken expectations of your child being utterly brilliant in public.
(or is that just my own insecurities coming through?)

FWIW I don't think it's the end of the world to send him to bed without a cooked meal, however can you give him some plain toast and butter/margarine and a glass of milk - simply because otherwise he'll not sleep through, and your day will start even earlier tomorrow!!

HOwever - you have DEF got to learn to follow through on punishments if you make them. ANything else isn't actually fair on the child?

Good luck and don't beat yourself up. It's not child abuse and it's not the end of the world. Big cuddles and start again tomorrow...

sambageeni · 31/07/2011 19:06

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I have a five year old and if she behaved like that I would have reacted the same as you. If he calms down and apologies then yes feed him. Don't beat yourself up, we all do things we then regret but frankly I think you reacted fairly. Kids need to learn acceptable ways to behave. Good luck!

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 19:06

Oh gosh, I understand why you had to punish him, but food should never be used as a punishment. It's one thing to say "you eat what you're given because there's nothing else", but you shouldn't really withdraw food altogether. We have a history of eating disorders in my family, so I am perhaps a little more conscious of food issues than most, but please, feed your DS. :(

catgirl1976 · 31/07/2011 19:07

I don't think you are being U. You are not starving him - you say he thinks you won't follow through on what you say - make sure you do. He needs to know you mean what you say. If he had been hungry he would have eaten what he was given at dinner time. Maybe he was playing up because you had guests and were outside but its still not ok.

zukiecat · 31/07/2011 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pointydog · 31/07/2011 19:10

He was behaving very badly, you were right to take him away from the table.

You have said 'no dinner', have you? That's ok. Does he usually have supper or a snack before bed? Go and say to him he wasn't able to have dinner because of his behaviour, he just has his usual supper (bit of toast or whatver).

You are right. You m ust follow through. He shouldn't be behaving like that.

Tortington · 31/07/2011 19:12

oh fgs he wont starve and next time maybe he wont mush potatos with his hands and he will eat his food

this kid is school age - not a baby

Maryz · 31/07/2011 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 31/07/2011 19:13

yes youve messed with your food

yes ive issued an ultimatum

oh umm...thats ok

have something to eat

bollocks to that

it doesn't take supernanny to work that shit out

festi · 31/07/2011 19:16

if he was hungry he would have eaten his dinner.

I would give him some supper before bed.

in my house if you dont eat there is nothing else untill next meal, so in that case supper.

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