To send DS to bed without dinner

[messybessie]

I've said it now but feel awful.

Sunday dinner in garden. Grandad and BIL also in attendance. DS is 5. Refused to sit properly, kept shouting and screeching, refused to use knife and fork, breaking up potatoes with his hands.

I took him from table and told him to sit in kitchen until he could behave.

He eventually came back to table but still wouldn't sit properly and finally through potato and fork across table.

Dinner went in bin. He is now sobbing because he'd hungry.

It is a form of neglect, that's how I see it and I am entitled to my opinion. YOu do not withold food, its archaic, mean and nasty. There is never a reason to withold food from a child ever, if they are misbehaving look at your parenting skills there is clearly something wrong with them.

I have had two children now 23 and 18 and never ever did they ever mess with their food.

Righto then.

harsh punishment for so little a crime

Feed your DS he is hungry, and yes in the grand scheme of things he is still only a baby, hardly 9/10 is he . You should use punishments that you can realistically follow through, like no crisps, or chocolate or treats if you don't eat your dinner, and ban them until he does. That is what I do.

But how has the OP witheld food? She served up his dinner and he played with it and threw it on the floor.

Yes he is still very young, kids do play up, sometimes their behaviour gets worse in the warm weather or when there are people over. I am not saying you pander to them, you pick your battles

Yes but her DS is now hungry, to refuse him some form of food is mean. She should give him something to line his stomach until the morning, its a long time.

A baby??? He's 5 years not 5 months! I doubt he would get another lunch if he deliberately chucked his lunch at school.

and use another more realistic punishment

If a child is misbehaving in the park, trampoline or where ever they are removed from situation. What is the difference with the dinner table???

Very well summed up.

I agree no dinner means no dinner, but if a child would normally have a snack/supper before bed would you withdraw that too? I would have removed the child then the dinner as OP did. But I would have allowed plain toast (ie no jam/choc spread) before bed, or a cereal bar (at the normal time not earlier to compensate) because DS would normally have that.

My personal take is that perhaps you could have found another way of making your feelings known to your 5 year old. It just seems over the top for not "sitting properly" etc and to me sounds like a minor power struggle was what it was mainly about. Do you know why your son was behaving like that? Does he trust and respect you generally-speaking?

However, for older children, say older than 7 or 8, who are really behaving abominably I think its a possible punishment, though a rather strong one. A punishment I have never tried by the way, but I would never say never.

But 5 is really too young IMO.

Yes he is Mighty he is not at school now but at home!!! FGS some of you are really mean. So you would let your child go hungry, well I would not like to be up half the night with a hungry child. You pick your battles!

5 is plenty old enough to know that if you are hungry food goes in your mouth not on the floor.

Yes but I personally would not leave him hungry all night, as I said i would use a punishment that i could realistically follow through, not use food as a weapon

If her ds did not mention food or being hungry all evening then yes i would not feed, but he has told op he is hungry, therefore she should make him something small to tide him over.

Piglet I assure you. If one of mine is not eating and messing about with their food (and I do mean food that they like, not frogs legs risotto or anything) they are not going to starve.

Nor have I ever been up in the night with a hungry child. Well, not beyond the baby stage anyway

Well as I said I would allow dd to have what she normally has between meals which is stuff like carrot sticks - but she wouldn't get another meal or a sandwich. She would learn that her actions have consequences. If I offered alternatives that she was keener to eat at every mealtime she would only ever eat the alternatives. It is up to the parent to provide a balanced diet for a child. Letting a child decide they will only eat sandwiches or only one particular meal and they will throw anything else knowing they will get offered something they will eat is not doing their health any favours imo.

YANBU but I think he should be given something to eat before bed as long as he apologises and eats properly. I know he's only 5 but ask him why he's done it. Maybe he wanted a bit of attention, over excited perhaps? Or plain bored, us adults can be dull when in a group, in a child's eyes at least. But you were right to ask him to leave the table IMO

I would have carried out the threat not to give him dinner.

What's the point in threatening something and not following through?

The behaviour was appalling, a five year old should know better, and if he skips dinner tonight he won't die but will remember next time that if he misbehaves at dinner time, it goes in the bin.

Exactly mumblechum but instead the child has learned that if he isn't offered his favourite food every mealtime he can hold out for it. It's the way fussy eating generally starts. I'd much rather one night of being hungry than a lifetime of poor diet.

Oh good God this is becoming ridiculous.
Cba.

"It is a form of neglect, that's how I see it and I am entitled to my opinion. YOu do not withold food, its archaic, mean and nasty. There is never a reason to withold food from a child ever, if they are misbehaving look at your parenting skills there is clearly something wrong with them."

Well actually there are reasons - did you give your DC ice-cream, squash, chips, biscuits, cake whenever they asked for it?

I agree withholding food can be a form of child neglect, just not in this case.

exactly mumble

DD will learn that she cannot behave like she did tonight again

I really don't understand the bleeding hearts on this thread.

I make meals. I serve the children portions appropriate for their age. They choose whether or not to eat (and whether or not to mess around so much they get sent from the table). If they finish, they can sometimes have seconds, or have yoghurt/fruit or pudding. If they don't finish, they don't get anything else. If they choose not to eat, then they choose not to eat. I can't make them. But I don't give them any other options. I don't ever give them any meal where I know that they loathe every part of it, but I do give them meals I know that they whinge about.

Young children do not have the powers of reasoning or knowledge of nutrition to choose what their daily or weekly menu should be. I do. They choose whether or not to eat it. If they don't they're hungry until the next meal. No toast and biscuits in this house, and they're healthier for it.

Exactly zorgmoid