To ask how you discipline your child

[alowVera]

without getting into the smacking debate? (just to make that clear),
More of a general question of what works for you? Sticker charts, naughty step, etc?
We're using a red STOP card with 3yo dd, and was just wondering if there is anything else I can try with a language delayed child?
What works for you with your toddlers?

To ask how you discipline your child

The Dream: Positive Reinforcement, Rational Discussion and Mutual Negotiation of Behavioural Targets

The Reality: Threats, Bribery and a developing a voice like a Fishwife :o

More seriously, three big lessons:

1. Be Consistent
2. If you threaten something, carry it out - so only threaten what you can carry out.
3. If things are quiet, then there is trouble breweing....

Wing and a prayer OP, wing and a prayer.

And 'Making It Up as I Go Along'.

Well it's been 14 years and we're all still alive.

altinkum, step 3 sounds very harsh, prisoners at a youth detention centre are treated better than that and you say you used this method for your DN who repeatedly used a swear word??

If her speech and comprehension is delayed, does she understand "sign/body language" so if you were to talk as you would to a 7 mth old - i.e. very simplified, with lots of gestures would she understand better?
If so then perhaps lots of miming and simple language together with some kind of consequence for the taking the DVDs down - eg sit her in the equivalent of the "naughty step" or whatever you want to call it would work for those situations you need to stop, repeatedly and consistently and praise for the good things she does - as others have suggested but with simplified language.
Only you will know if this would work so forgive me if this is something you have already tried.

Badly. Which is why right now he is giving us a hard time and I want to run naked screaming down the street "I'm free, I'm free!!"

fooffy :o

alison222 yeah basic sign language, but still not age appropriate, but more than speech. Must remember to keep praising the good behaviour. Think I get into a "pfew that's a relief" kind of stupor when she's being good.

DD1 (3.8 yo) gets sent to her room. We used to use the naughty chair/spot but now that DD2 is mobile she distracts DD1. DD1 comes down when she is ready to say sorry, her new one is ABCD Sorry mummy, don't know where she got it from but it melted my heart the first time she said it.

DD2 is 2yo on Saturday and as she has much less understanding of 'punishments' than DD1 did at her age. We remove her from the situation and into her room for about 2 minutes (ish) then bring her down. It seems to be working and she is a lot calmer when she comes down. She cant say sorry yet though.

BertieBotts your first post was really helpful, thank you. I have a 23 month old daughter who is just beginning to test her boundaries...

Callisto I disagree, a child is naughty, if they did something naughty than yes they are.

Hmmm no I'm still not getting the 'no punishment needed for scribbling on walls'

So imagine having 3 or 4 kids doing that and then 'cleaning' it off.

You'd have no bloody paper left on the walls in the end

worra I had to repaint a wall a couple of times before I figured out that the easiest thing for that was to keep pens/crayons out of reach.

Don't be ridiculous. Firstly you wouldn't leave them unattended with pens long enough to do that amount of damage, and secondly you'd supervise the cleaning so that it's sensible.

Thanks MM :)

Who leaves any child unattended with pens?

It happens...you could answer the door or go to the toilet taking longer than usual. More than enough time for a child to do a 'ridiculous' amount of scribbling..especially if they've seen their siblings do it with no punishment other than a spot of cleaning that most little ones enjoy anyway.

I don't understand your 'sensible' cleaning point? Any wallpaper scribbled on and cleaned enough will look naff after a while.

Believe me, children can find pens, anywhere, sure mine magic them up, coz I can never find one when I need one. And it takes seconds for dd2 to get round a room with a pen.

She did this at a creche last year, found a marker pen and had created a beautiful landscape on 2 Walls and 3 high chairs, and covered her hands, feet and legs before they noticed.

But you only have to make them clean it off once. I don't understand your argument - are you saying without a punishment they will definitely do it again because they don't know it's wrong? Because that hasn't been my experience, or the experience of many other parents who use these kinds of methods.

Lol my 3 used to draw on themselves but never the walls or furniture thank god!

The sensible cleaning point, BTW, was that DS if left unchecked with a sponge and soapy water tends to not wring out the sponge, so yes unsupervised cleaning would be "ridiculous".

No, not that they'll definitely do it again...but I'd say the chances are far greater because there was no repercussion.

Kind of like a giant blank canvass they can write on and clean off at their leisure

I see what you're saying, but it's not that there's no repercussion at all. You don't just say "Oh that's lovely darling, remember to clean it off when you're finished" - you would still make it clear that you didn't like pen being on the wall, only on paper. And as camaleon said in the first place, you'd supervise them more closely after the first time of doing this and if they went to do it again, then you'd remove the pens until you felt they were old enough to be trusted with them.

Discipline teaches a child to replace an old behaviour with a new behaviour ie we dont do that we do this instead. Punishment ie withdrawal of privelleges, time out, smacking etc doesnt teach a new behaviour, just stops the old behaviour in the short term.

So depends on whether i want my ds's to stop the behaviour immediately or just want him to do things differently.

Well it just shows how we're all different and how we parent differently...there are no rights and wrongs of course, it's a case of whatever works really.

The only thing about keeping pens out of reach of little budding wall artists, is whether or not the slightly older siblings can remember to keep them out of their reach too.

normally I find talking and explaining why he shouldn't do something works with DS. I will as well tell him a consequence if he choses to do it again. It may be a natural consequence as in it will break, or you'll get hurt.

However I have thread on here as I'm failing dismally atm, apparently I'm a terrible mum and totally BU so please don't listen to me.

My 3 year old DD loves cleaning. I don't allow her to clean her crayon off the walls or wipe the food off the windows, because this is the enjoyable part to her. She is much more upset watching me cleaning having fun and not being allowed to do so.

I struggle with DD tbh so am watching this thread with interest.

I like what niceguy said. I shall have to remember that.

All this sounds very nice in theory.

But if you asked my DD to clean crayon of the wall she would absolutely refuse. And removing the crayons is all very well if you only have one child that uses crayons. But you you have older ones that have a tendency to leave their felt tips in reach then you have a problem.