to think DH is a fucking twat

[LauLauLemon]

DH and I have had our issues and we're working on them. A few weeks ago we had 'the talk' and I explained that while my trust in him was gone I was willing to rebuild it if he was willing to try.

So DH goes out with his friend tonight and promises to be home at 11, 11:30 latest and will call if late. OK. Sounds good.

DH called at 10:30 and said he would be home in an hour and would call when leaving (he doesn't have a mobile at the moment so from a payphone). At 12:15 I call his friend who answers and I can hear a woman singing in the background. He hangs up straight away. I text asking if DH can call and let me know and no call or reply. I call again. Answerphone. Again. A woman talking and then the line's gone. Answerphone. Ring ring ring ring. Ring ring ring ring.

No call. Nobody is picking up their phone. No idea where they are. Almost 1am. He doesn't have keys so I'm at home waiting for him and I have to get up at 6am with a 3yo and a 7 month old.

AIBU to think he is a royal fucking cunty twat? Especially when he promised and knows our issues. Does he really not give a flying fuck? I'm actually crying.

This might sound like a weird question, but have you ever wondered if he is actually gay?

A close friend of mine had an almost identical situation and after many many painful years of making up and breaking up, lies and anger, her ex finally admitted to being gay.

I don't know if he had had many gay relationships or flings when they were together but he was often visiting gay bars with a girl my bf hated. She always thought this girl was his mistress but she was actually his beard. It turns out he had been fighting it for many years which is partly what made him so angry and short tempered but couldn't face coming out of the closet.

Anyway, probably a long shot.

K72

kasbah you have just said exactly what i was thinking as i read thrugh this thread.

LauLau - I applaude your strength and your good sense in the photos, evidence etc, and i understand yourneed to give it one final shot. I think the being apart thing is good too. You need your own head space, and the time to reinforce your confidence that you can do this alone if you need to.

Stay strong, your daughters will thank you either way it goes in the long run.

*through - sorry

and your need

apologies for bad typos - sight probs today!

If I were the OP I'd go to court get an injunction and an occupation order. You need to make this sorry excuse of a husband think he might actually be losing you and face up to his responsibilities which includes not trying to destroy the mother of his kids with his mindgames. If he doesn't want you he wont try and you've lost nothing anyway but someone who drags you down.

BTW a good Dad doesn't get physical with their children's mum IMO.

Hey laulau, hope you've got through this v traumatic day ok. Get the dds to bed, have a good cry and try to get some sleep.

You sound pretty determined in your mind as to what you want to do and I wish you all the luck in the world - just one thing though, 6 months to your dd's will not be over in a heart beat and the memories built up in those 6 months will last a lifetime. Just be careful for them - they often seem fine outwardly but inside . . . . I am only saying this as my ex h had a young son who lived with us - he heard and saw things no child should ever have to - when I left I never saw him again as his mum returned for him. He recently 'found' me and it broke my heart that he recalls it all. Although he said he didn't blame me, he readily admits that the relationship destroyed a part of his childhood - that guilt will stay with me forever that I never ended it sooner to spare him.

I have wondered but he isn't gay. I had an abusive relationship previously with a boy who was bisexual but couldn't admit to his feelings and it's not like that here. Not to tar everyone with the same brush but I just don't see it.

I may be in denial. I'm still shocked, appalled, heartbroken, dubious, untrusting and I feel as though his willingness to try could just be another mind game. I need him to sort his mind out and come back when he has it in check but it's going to be very difficult to see him every day around the girls.

What I meant by a good dad is that he has never hurt them, is loving, caring, doting, playful, supportive and responsible around them. His shortfalls as a man do not make him a perfect dad but he is a lot better than others I know. That does not in any way excuse the way he treats me and I understand that we may be best apart but I have no qualms about his parenting iyswim.

I feel stronger today and I've told him exactly how I feel. I've told him if he can't figure out whether it's all in his head or whether the love has truly gone we'd end it because I feel like I deserve the love I put into a relationship back.

Right now I'm strong in my plan of action but emotionally I am fragile and off kilter. I am resisting the urge to tirn the tables and make him feel what I feel. I'm resisting the urge not to gauge his eyes out whenever he looks at me with an apathetic look on his face. I'm on an emotional ride right now and I feel broken and worthless but if I'm at rock bottom the only way is up.

I am not completely stupid and as a result have diaries of incidents, photigraphs of grab marks, doctors handwritten notes of acknowledgement and even some voice recordings all in a safe place (not in the house).

I am in awe......

TBH seems you 2 are just totally mismatched to live with each other. Good luck!

I was in a bad relationship before and I found when it's your word against someone elses the law doesn't come in to it. Although I always hoped DH's anger would become a non-issue, woth children I knew I needed a back up plan. Sadly, while I'm only young, I know what abusive relationships can lead to and as long as I keep my logical head screwed on I know no matter how much emotional pain I'm in, if it came to it I'd have enough evidence for the police to take me seriously.

It's a naive view but I hope I won't be adding to that file again.