Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I WAS unreasonable, and stupid - can I cover it up?

130 replies

CRS · 27/07/2011 20:55

I took out a pyday loan. I KNOW, very stupid, but I felt desperate. This month £315 will come out of my bank account. HOW can I explain this without telling the truth, which is so embarrassing?

OP posts:
Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 17:14

Thanks - we do live in a very affluent area - I sort of tried to canvass opinions re: netbook, and only one mum was Shock like me about it. I sort of said at a social thing where there were other Y6 mums and dads "Gosh - £180 seems an awful lot of money in one go for an "installment", and the response was mostly things like "Well, yes, but you know, that's just one of life's costs isn't it?", and occasionally "Well,they need them don't they, so we'll just have to write a cheque - we'll probably just pay the whole thing up front to avoid the bother". Which can make you feel a bit inadequate, believe me.

OP posts:
Xenia · 28/07/2011 17:19

My children at/were at top 20 fee paying schools and were never asked to buy a net book, computer or anything like that. I am lucky that as a teenager I chose a career which was well paid but most schools k now that many women and men do not have a high income.

Could you consider finding a second job perhaps on Saturdays to help the family finances in some way?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/07/2011 17:22

Info on Credit Unions www.abcul.org/home The are a form of mutual savings and credit organisation.

List your loans by size of AER look if there are any expensive loans / credit cards/storecards that you can replace with a cheaper loan from a reputable provider (e.g. bank or building soc).

If you do have any credit card debts switch them to a interest free balance transfer card then pay off the balance of the card over the life of the interest free period as if it was a loan (i.e. if you moved £600 to a 6 month interest free period card you would pay off £100 a month all capital no interest)

Get some advice such as the CAB but be careful with some of the companies that offer to negotiate with creditors on your behalf they aren't very good.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 28/07/2011 17:23

Xenia - she has just taken on some pupils to tutor to help the finances following advice on this thread.

Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 17:24

I feel a bit like people do not believe the netbook thing - I will PM the secondary school name to anyone who doubts this is true! And I think the more experienced secondary school posters than me (bad sentence construction, sorry!) are prob right that the monthly payment thing can be negotiated if I am pro active - the letter, though, said monthly payments would be considered for children whose families are on benefits or low incomes.

OP posts:
Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 17:26

Sorry - that sounded a bit defensive! Blush

OP posts:
CupcakesandTwunting · 28/07/2011 17:28

Oh just ignore Xenia.

She's outdone herself there and got not just one but TWO, yes TWO boasts into her opening gambit.

Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 17:31

I went to a very expensive independent girls' school. The shame! I bet none of my class mates know what a payday loan is! Wink Well, you've got to laugh, right?Kind of laughs, but also cries a bit.

OP posts:
alarkaspree · 28/07/2011 17:39

CRS it seems like the root of your problems is that you are trying to protect your DP from knowledge of your financial situation - by not telling him about the electricity bill but worse, by hiding the information about what you owe for the laptop for your son. If I were him that's what would upset me. You are lying to him, I know your intentions are good but you are adults in a partnership. Please have a proper conversation about him and make sure you are both fully aware of all your obligations, and work out your priorities together. There might be something that he is spending money on that is less important.

Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 17:51

You're right. We are going to have a good (and undoubtably horrible) conversation tonight - have arranged for son to be at friend's house for sleepover. Not looking forward. Sad

OP posts:
honeyandsalt · 28/07/2011 18:03

Now look here, stop beating yourself up. Yes, you made a silly mistake, and yes, you should have discussed it with him before taking it out. But you only did it 'cos he was having a freakout and you wanted to fix things. So this conversation should not be so much about what an idiot you are Hmm as how you want to get a grip on the money situation.

Good luck x

Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 18:08

Thanks - 7.30 is confession time! At least I can now show some pro active solution work - thanks mumsnetters!

OP posts:
CinnabarRed · 28/07/2011 19:47

Hope it's going well, x

Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 20:50

So. That didn't go brilliantly, but not DISASTROUSLY. Partner very upset - "What on Earth were you THINKING???" &c. Has gone out to have a walk and a think about the way forward. Did say that we need to talk about things more in future which I guess is positive - right?

OP posts:
Conchita · 28/07/2011 20:58

well done, you've been really brave and you'll probably come out of this stronger and wiser. It's easy for people to say you've been daft to succumb to loan company but worrying about money can drive you out of your mind when you don't feel able to talk to anyone. I really sympathise

BerryLellow · 28/07/2011 21:04

I think you should ring CCCS, they will go through everything with you and make a plan to go forward with. Seriously, they are great.

Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 21:30

Partner returned with bottle of wine which he has put in the fridge. Has got in the bath and said - "Right. OK. When I get out of the bath, that should be chilled. So my proposal is that we drink that, take advantage of child free night, and discuss this very seriously in the morning. It will be OK we just have to confront this now" Not verbatim, but that was the gist.

Thanks for not advising a cover up, I think we can work this out, and will def take dvice from the thread re: debt management.

OP posts:
hellospoon · 28/07/2011 21:31

well done CRS.

Honesty is always the best policy

BelleEnd · 28/07/2011 21:44

Well done CRS. You sound nice and your DPs reaction seems measured and sensible. I think you'll be just fine.

honeyandsalt · 28/07/2011 21:49

Thumbs up :D

I understand your DH needs to get his thoughts together, but it does strike me a little that you guys seem to be stressing on this seperately when you need to be leaning on each other. So maybe you should take some walks together too....

All the best

Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 21:49

Thank you - I am ready to confront this in the morning now WITH him, and actualy glad that it's all out in the open now. He IS cross, but has got over the cross bit I think by walk and bath. (Well, still in bath, but you know).

Thank you all for help and advice.

OP posts:
honeyandsalt · 28/07/2011 21:50

Shit I clearly did not read your wine update!

Enjoy the rest of the night :D

Original poster
CRS · 28/07/2011 22:00

OK - I can hear bath water being let out - the goodish evening before the reality of tomorrow may be about to begin.

Thank you, mumsnetters, for advice - I'll let you know what we come up with tomorrow as a solution. Very glad I posted, as I couldn't possibly have confessed this situation to my real life friends, and this thread gave me the courage to deal with this with partner.

OP posts:
GetOffOfMyCloud · 29/07/2011 15:08

DPs reaction was lovely!! To come home with wine, then say you'll both take advantage of a child free evening and discuss it in the morning show's he obviously cares about you an awful lot and bodes very well for your future together. Well done both of you for dealing with this so well.

All couples go through hard times and it sounds like you two will manage perfectly, just carry on being honest with each other. (Am I being too soppy for MN? Grin).

Please do let us kow how you got on.

Original poster
CRS · 29/07/2011 22:47

So - just an update. We have worked out (quite a tight!) budget for this month, and also agreed to go to some CAB classes about money management when they start in October. Was not fun today, but I think we'll be OK and it was good to get it all out in the open. A new era, Ihope. Thanks al for advice. Cx

OP posts: