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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ring the ultrascan dept and mention that this was insensitive?

31 replies

biddysmama · 26/07/2011 14:38

i had a scan on monday, a couple came from the scan room and sat in the waiting room then the scanner came out with a brown envelope and told them to give that to 'them' and that since there was a sac but no baby it didnt look good :(

aibu to think this should have been said where other people could hear it?

OP posts:

mad4mainecoons · 26/07/2011 14:43

hopefully they had been told this in the scan room first so i was not new news. but im still and for them.

imho it was wrong of the sonographer to mention anything (good or bad) in a public waiting room. very unprofessional!

joric · 26/07/2011 14:44

YANBU... :(

scuzy · 26/07/2011 14:47

i remember waiting in a line of pregnant women getting their scans. i was there for a d&c after miscarriaging. it was on my file. i was sat there listening to heat beat monitors and one lady asked how far gone i was. i said i "was" 12 weeks. she was embarrassed but i was just mad, upset and annoyed and didnt care about her feelings especially at being made sit beside and queue up as normal beside everyone else there to get scans.

messymammy · 26/07/2011 14:51

YANBU, I rang the dept and complained after I had gotten a very rude sonographer, this is far far worse. How awful for the couple.

In my hosp, you had to wait in the same area as the ladies miscarrying when you were in labour. It felt so awful, and I still almost feel guilty about the looks on their faces seeing us.

scuzy · 26/07/2011 14:54

well thats it messymammy ... expecting mums shouldnt feel guilty its an exciting time getting scans. however miscarriaging mums should have a more private area i think.

Renaissance227 · 26/07/2011 14:56

This was very professional but as you were not the person getting the news I don't think it is really your place to complain, unless it really upset you hearing about their bad news?!

DeWe · 26/07/2011 16:21

Our one has a separate section where you can sit apart. We were put there after an abnormality was found on the 20 week scan. You wouldn't know it was there unless you'd been there though.

TotalChaos · 26/07/2011 16:36

yanbu.

Georgimama · 26/07/2011 16:43

YANBU. I felt really bad (as in guilty) that last week I was put in the same waiting room when I arrived for my pre-C section clerking appointment as the women waiting for the EPU. I mentioned this feeling to my mother (retired nurse) on my return and she really couldn't see what I was on about.

holyShmoley · 26/07/2011 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedinwhite · 26/07/2011 16:53

Having been in the position this couple was in - they should have been treated far more respectfully - I wasn't and still remember sitting there having found out there was just a sac and trying to hold back the tears and listening to other people talking about their babies. They added insult to injury when I came round after the ERPC (the evacuation of the remaining products of conception - as they so delicately put it) in floods of tears when the bitch anaesthetic room nurse said "oh, did you want it then". Have never forgotten it. A few bedside manners wouldn't go amiss for many of these people and they expect to be regarded as caring professionals - huh. It was 14 years ago and still hurts as though it was yesterday.

YANBU - do complain - I was too upset to and wish someone else had on my behalf. Too many hard faced cows in the NHS who are allowed to treat people with utter disrespect.

CuttlefishDramas · 26/07/2011 16:55

We were told by the sonographer in a private room, and asked if we wanted somewhere private to wait for the follow up meeting to discuss options. I declined and waited in the room with all the other ladies before being taken to the final meeting. Perhaps this couple also declined - you would hope that wasn't the first time they had been told.

Birdsgottafly · 26/07/2011 16:57

It doesn't matter that the OP wasn't the person recieving the bad news, any unprofessional conduct should be picked upon. The other couple may have been in a state of shock and may not feel that they can complain.

My DD started getting scanned for POCS at 14 and all of the women were grouped together with those that were pregnat, there should be more thought put into the service provided.

We had to put up with stares and whispers and one woman tried to have a go at me in the hospital shop because she thought that my DD was pregnant at such a young age.

Gastonladybird · 26/07/2011 16:58

Yanbu- it's insensitive and inappropriate to discuss diagnosis in open.

Have had (more)than my share of bad scans but think the most insensitive was when I was having placenta removed after giving birth to my son who died. Nurse asked what I had quite chattily - I replied a boy but was too Out of it on morphine to be upset. Someone must have told her as she was very apologetic and asked my forgiveness later.

iggagog · 26/07/2011 17:21

ShowOfHands · 26/07/2011 17:27

I had some bleeding when pg with dd and sat in the room in the epau with a lot of other very nervous and upset looking women. We were called in one by one. The lady who went in before me came out sobbing, proper gulping sobs and the receptionist ran over and ushered them into a private room with a cross shake of her head. I didn't understand the cross shake of her head (the couple didn't see it btw) until I was called in next. Thankfully all was fine but all the sonographer managed was 'yes there's a baby there right now but don't get too excited, a lot of them die later on' in a distinctly bored voice. He then turned his back and ignored me while the nurse saw me out and smiled apologetically. I was so shocked. If that was his good news delivery method, that poor couple before me must have had his bad news delivery method. I complained later that week. I only hope somebody took note.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/07/2011 17:33

Don't start me on this. In all my experience I have found that sonographers are the rudest HCPs I have ever come across, without fail. I appreciaten the job takes concentration and there is often bad news (I've had bad news myself) but there are limits.

And as for this practice of making women suffering miscarriages sit alongside bumps and baby posters while they wait for their plan of action... The day I went in for my ERPC I had to wait nearly 2 hours in the ante natal clinic. I didn't think I could have felt any worse but I did.

WasSparklies · 26/07/2011 17:33

Good for you for complaining on behalf of the couple - not everybody is with it enough and has enough to deal with when faced with that sort of news.

Some truly sad stories here, although it's nice to hear that some people did get an apology and staff did realise. It makes me so cross when they can't see the problem.

I remember sitting alone in a waiting room for a scan for over an hour (more like 90 minutes) in a draughty hospital gown in a wheelchair after developing an infection after my ERPC and had been admitted. The waiting room was full of couples going in for their 20 week scans and coming out beaming with the news of boy or girl and telling anyone who would listen. I was there for so long as they'd forgotten about me - nobody apologised when I eventually managed to get someone's attention (I was in the wheelchair so couldn't move) to find out what was going on.

To add insult to injury I was supposed to be on holiday to help emotionally get over the loss, but had been taken ill part way through and ended up spending 3 nights in this damn hospital and missed most of the holiday.

wicketkeeper · 26/07/2011 17:52

I'm horrified that this insensitivity is still going on. I remember having to go for my 6-week check up after my DS was born prematurely and died 2 days later - with all the other women and their babies.

That was 25 years ago - you'd think they'd have learnt by now.

Tattyhead78 · 26/07/2011 17:53

That's not just insensitive, but unethical!

Our local hospital is rubbish in the respect of having all scans being done for all reasons in the same place. I completely understand that it could be uneconomical otherwise. My low point was being scanned for a mass in the region of the ovary that wasn't a baby and being made to wait well past my appointment time because another lady was late and they had to wait for her because it was a pregnancy scan and "more important" than my scan. Fortunately it turned out it wasn't cancer in the end, but at the time I felt quite demeaned by this comment and felt like I was being told that my life was worth less than a baby that hadn't even been born yet. I also had to endure the evils from the other ladies who presumably thought I was there for an abortion.

On the other hand, while the sonographers weren't very nice I can't speak highly enough of the gynaecologist and gynae nurse.

notso · 26/07/2011 18:00

I was really impressed by staff at my local hospital.
After all my scans they I was told the same thing, "Congratulations, but please remember while you have had happy news, there maybe be other patients outside who are worried, or have received bad news so please be respectful and wait until you are in the main corridor before looking at photos etc.
They are also training midwives to use the ultrasound machines.

Georgimama · 26/07/2011 18:05

Scans at my local hospital are done by midwives. I was pretty at the C section clerking appointments being done in the same place as the EPU clinic though (different part of hospital to usual place for dating/20 week scans and ante-natal so I had never been there before).

unfitmother · 26/07/2011 18:11

I think you should say something, constructive feedback is not a complaint and should be welcome.

iggagog · 26/07/2011 18:13

Other staff there may be unhappy too with that member of staff, so might be pleased if a member of the public complains.

AgainWhen · 26/07/2011 18:51

YANBU. Complain.

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