To think saying "What?" is rude?

[dollydoops]

Typical conversation between me and DP when she is watching tv or on computer:
me: DP?
DP: (silence)
me: DP?
DP: (silence)
me: DP?
DP: (annoyed tone) WHAT?
Me: why are you saying what? I don't like it when you say that Dp, can't you answer me nicely?
DP: you keep calling me! It's annoying!
Me: oh, never mind (by now feeling sad, angry and not wanting to say whatever it was any more)
is this normal? I find it very rude and disrespectful to say 'what'- is it just me?

Nothing wrong with "what", but the fact that your DP shouts it at you after you've said her name 3 times is rude. She clearly heard you and chose to ignore you. My DH does this to me and it really pisses me off. If you speak to another person, is just manners to acknowledge their existence, even if it's just to say 'wait a sec, I'm concentrating' or something along those lines.

Plus with DH if I don't make sure I've got his attention before I ask him something, it just goes in one ear and out the other and he denies it ever happened! Selectively deaf git!

"What?" is fine as a question
"What" said in a short irritated tone is not a nice way to speak to someone, and ignoring someone is disrespectful.

"What?" of itself is definitely not rude. "Pardon" however does make my teeth itch but only because my mother drilled it into me that it was common!! I'm trying to move on from that one but childhood indoctrination runs deep!

Upper classes do not like to beg anyones pardon.Posh people don't beg.

My brother says uuh?

I knew someone who did that. She said it after every single thing I said, and I got so tired of repeating everything. Eventually I just stopped doing it. It was only then that I realised that she bloody heard me all right, it was just a stupid habit she had.

I never realised other people thought that "Pardon?" was common!! Regardless, I will continue to use it because I have no desire to emulate the posh and in fact, "posh" attitudes, tones of voice, accents and mannerisms generally irritate me to bits.

However, my dh is going a bit deaf and saying his name first to get his attention means that I don't have to repeat my question or comment, at least, not more than a couple of times. When he doesn't hear me, he says HUH? which winds me up and just makes my "Pardon?" more pronounced!!

The dc don't pay any attention to me until I get very loud indeed, at which point they say "There's no need to shout!" when very obviously there is - they didn't hear the first 3 times in a normal tone of voice.

Grrrrr.

According to Jilly Cooper in 'Class' the lower middle classes teach their children to say 'pardon' in the mistaken belief that it is posh and more 'refained,' when in fact the opposite is true.

SIL tells DN, "don't say what, say pardon."
I tell DCs, "don't say pardon, say what?"

But either one would sound rude if said in the manner of the OP's partner.

I was always taught 'pardon' over 'what' and then I went to university and all the posh types used 'what'. The annoying thing about the class system is the v posh and the v common use all the same words so you can't win either way- eg pudding rather than dessert.
But I find 'pardon' a bit twee, rather like 'gateau' or 'serviette' (that really makes my teeth itch!)
So I tend to say 'sorry' or 'what was that?' as a compromise

"My Mummy says that pardon is a much worse word than fuck"

According to Jilly Cooper's young DS. I think he was regaling a teacher with these words of wisdom.

Love that story. Poor Jilly!

I agree with the OP. I think What sounds rude. I prefer Pardon, Sorry, Didn't catch that etc. Don't care if people's teeth itch or it sounds common. Would rather be seen as a polite common person than a rude posh person anyday!

I agree!

Solo - thank you! "What?" makes my teeth itch

DH used to do the 'Can I ask you a question?' thing.

I think my repeated and hilarious response of 'You just did!' has pretty much ironed it out of him.

It's easy to cure the 'Can I ask you a question?' thing. Just say No! :o