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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think saying "What?" is rude?

114 replies

dollydoops · 26/07/2011 11:54

Typical conversation between me and DP when she is watching tv or on computer:
me: DP?
DP: (silence)
me: DP?
DP: (silence)
me: DP?
DP: (annoyed tone) WHAT?
Me: why are you saying what? I don't like it when you say that Dp, can't you answer me nicely?
DP: you keep calling me! It's annoying!
Me: oh, never mind (by now feeling sad, angry and not wanting to say whatever it was any more)
is this normal? I find it very rude and disrespectful to say 'what'- is it just me?

OP posts:

ChaosTrulyReigns · 26/07/2011 12:48

"What" is totes fine dahlinks.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 26/07/2011 12:50

My teeth itch when I hear "Pardon?".

I do agree that "What?" can sound abrupt, so we say "What did yowyou say?".

SpecialFriedRice · 26/07/2011 12:50

Maybe your DP just doesn't feel like talking. Or your interrupting her train of thought. And thats why she answers in a snappy way. Try not to be so sensitive about it.

There's nothing wrong with "what" though.

tethersend · 26/07/2011 12:51

What?

Mishy1234 · 26/07/2011 12:55

When I told DS1 off for saying "what" all the time, my MIL said that posh people don't say "pardon". I told her that was fine then, since we aren't posh!

I just think "what" sounds rude, but maybe that's because I was always taught not to say it by my parents.

NattersAndMutters · 26/07/2011 12:59

'Pardon' is short for 'I beg your pardon', therefore it is the same as 'sorry'.

'What?' is short for 'what did you say?' which is what is actually meant, so it's more logical.

I suppose if you are being very polite and wish to imply that it is your own fault for not paying attention, rather that the other person's fault for not speaking clearly or loudly enough, then you might say,

'I beg your pardon, what did you say?'

mumeeee · 26/07/2011 13:00

I always thought saying what was rude and saying pardon was more polite. Seems like I'm wrong and have taught my children the wrong thing. Oh well they seemed to have turned out alright. Anyway getting back to the OP DH doesn't like it when I ask him something busy and I quite often Don't hear him if he says something when I'm reading or in the computer.

bytheMoonlight · 26/07/2011 13:02

I was taught 'it's not what, it's pardon'.

I teach dd this.

Couldn't imagine being rude enough to say what? Unless you are uber posh it sounds very rude

ShowOfHands · 26/07/2011 13:11

What only sounds rude if you've been told it's rude. I've always been taught to say 'what?' and it sounds normal to me.

'Speak the fuck up you mumbling scrote' would be rude.

activate · 26/07/2011 13:12

Are you bananas - why would you keep calling him - just say what you want

I would also snap at someone saying my name over and over

activate · 26/07/2011 13:13

the problem bythemoonlight is that it's not pardon it's what

as in I'm sorry what you did you say, I'm sorry please can you repeat that

pardon is a middle-class invention to mimic what they thought the upper class would say - see Nancy Mitford et al

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 26/07/2011 13:15

But activate, if you answered them straight away, they wouldn't have to.

bytheMoonlight · 26/07/2011 13:16

So I am wrong for teaching dd to say pardon? What would they think at nursery if she went round saying 'what'? They would think she didn't have any manners

activate · 26/07/2011 13:16

If I'm engrossed in something book, tv or computer someone saying my name is intensely irritating

it had better be important is all I'm saying

activate · 26/07/2011 13:16

teach her what you want but don't think it's more polite than the alternative when actually it's not

Sarsaparilllla · 26/07/2011 13:18

DH asks permission to ask questions. Drives me mad but his mother taught him it was polite

God I girl I used to work with used ot do that, it drove me mad, just ask the bloody question!!

jeckadeck · 26/07/2011 13:18

my mother used to take me out and shoot me for saying "pardon." If you care about that sort of thing (which I don't) its horribly lower middle class. Proper posh people would rather say "what".

bytheMoonlight · 26/07/2011 13:19

Who says it isn't more polite activate? Pardon may have originated as a way of doffing the cap, so to speak, to the upper classes but that doesn't mean in this day and age it isn't seen as being more polite.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 26/07/2011 13:19

I don't like 'pardon', but U or not, I think just saying 'what' is rude. I think I say 'what did you say, sorry?', or 'what's that?'. Barking 'what' is a bit arrogant.

Spuddybean · 26/07/2011 13:19

i think it's interesting that when asked if what was rude, people respond whether it's what posh people say. Inferring if it's posh it's not rude.

Can it be both posh and rude? or common and polite?

bytheMoonlight · 26/07/2011 13:20

Well I'm working class anyway so appearing to be lower middle class would be a step up in social circles

ShowOfHands · 26/07/2011 13:21

I think the material point is that it is neither wrong nor rude to say what. Rather that 'pardon' is a slightly inaccurate invention based on a false perception of rudeness. Posh is actually irrelevant.

ShowOfHands · 26/07/2011 13:22

You can say 'what?' without barking. It's all in the tone.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 26/07/2011 13:23

Yes, but a single, monsyllabic word is hard to inject much nuance of politeness into, I think.

Spuddybean · 26/07/2011 13:25

i think pardon/sorry is considered a social facilitator in linguistic terms. I read an article about different European cultures attitude to these.

Please was a particular issue too. When to say it? how many time etc?

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