To think saying "What?" is rude?

[dollydoops]

Typical conversation between me and DP when she is watching tv or on computer:
me: DP?
DP: (silence)
me: DP?
DP: (silence)
me: DP?
DP: (annoyed tone) WHAT?
Me: why are you saying what? I don't like it when you say that Dp, can't you answer me nicely?
DP: you keep calling me! It's annoying!
Me: oh, never mind (by now feeling sad, angry and not wanting to say whatever it was any more)
is this normal? I find it very rude and disrespectful to say 'what'- is it just me?

LOL at cr4

C4ro

sorry, couldn't remember your name by the time it came to post

sancerre if read a few so my points are a mash up of opinions. The particular one remember with the German/British couple was in the Guardian.

My DP works abroad a lot and has a lot of anecdotal evidence of the differences.

The upshot seems to be the British have lots more social facilitators/niceties, which on the surface seem straightforward, but because of our ingrained class system have developed subtle meanings which others think are bonkers.

I like them tho! they make me laugh.

Just to show how working class we are in this house, dh has just come inf rom work and I explained to him that we are the lowest of the low because we say pardon and that what is the correct way of asking someone to repeat themselves.

He is in shock and thinks we will be considered common if dd goes into nursery after the holidays saying 'what' instead of pardon.

Working class is really miles away from middle class isn't it?!

YANBU. I pulled my 70yo Mum up on this recently. She was the one that taught me to say pardon if I didn't hear...The thing is, it's very catching as I started to say it

In your case OP, it just sounds like your Dp is ignoring you, which is different from not hearing you. Either way though, answering 'what?' is rude. IMO.

On the German thing, I'm married to an Austrian and there is a whole slew of similar Bitte/ Danke things that they do for politeness plus the whole Sie not du thing. My BIL after 4 years working for his current boss recently got promoted to du status, it is quite a milestone in more formal places. So whilst German is a lot more direct (none of that "if it's convenient, can you get around to, whenever your schedule permits" weaving around the point) it certainly isn't impolite.

C4ro no i never meant to imply it was rude, just different and yes, defo more direct!

I do like the meandering tho.

On a previous thread like this, somebody pointed out that you can teach your children that wee use different types of language in different situations. So in general situations we say 'what', but in nursery/primary school we say pardon if the teacher uses the word pardon.

YANBU. I do similar with my dh as he goes into a trance-like state when watching television or playing a game so I know I'll waste my breath if I just ask the question without getting his attention first. I'd bollock him if he ignored me then followed up with a grouchy "what" tho

No probs with the word "what" itself tho (it's what I use), it's the tone you say DP is using.

On the subject of what/pardon - I have to sit on my hands and grit my teeth when MIL corrects DS and tells him to say "pardon"

I don't understand why many of you think "pardon" is awful. I was taught it was the polite way to say "what". WHAT is so awful about it??!!

That sounds a bit complex for the average 3yo at nursery milly! why is it necessary? what's wrong with children saying the same thing wherever they are - it's what most of us do as adults isn't it?

I know you're just paraphrasing a previous suggestion - I'm not criticising you btw.

fanjo i personally don't think pardon is awful, it's just incorrect to say that pardon is more polite, let alone correct a small child who is using another perfectly polite term (ie what) which is the norm for their family.

Wow, I wasn't expecting so many responses! Thanks everyone. I think cakeandroses has got how I feel- it's not the word so much as the ignoring and the grumpy tone. When I don't hear what someone says I tend to say "sorry?"or "sorry, what?" but never say either what or pardon!

Why not answer 'Yes' instead of 'what' when being called?
I had this very conversation with my Ds over his 'ignoring' my Mum just yesterday. She calls him, he ignores, she shouts, he (if he hears her) says 'what?!!!' it winds Mum up, so I've said, answer 'Yes Grandma?' and go to her straight away...it winds everyone up if after half an hour or more, he's still not answered or peeled himself away from the pc come downstairs.

Pardon is terrible .

But I don't think the problem is the OP saying "what". It is the fact he ignores her and probably the tone. Being more attentive would be nice! But "pardon" really is an awful word and shouldn't be used.

About 'please' - thinking about it, I often don't use the actual word. I tend to say things like "Would you be very kind and help me with this" style of thing, and I don't think you need to say 'please' as well.

'Please' is another contraction ... "if it pleases you" (which it literally is in French) so often saying 'please' is just repeating yourself really.

I always say "what" or "sorry". My mother would have killed me if I'd said "pardon".

Silly stuff ...

YANBU I cannot stand it when people say "what" instead of "sorry" or "pardon".

please don't say pardon norfolk - it makes my teeth itch

I guess it boils down to the way you were brought up and the way you think now as an adult.

I prefer pardon? or sorry? so will continue to use it and instill it into my Dc's vocabulary; both of whom have always said pardon? if they (genuinely) don't hear what is said. In my Ds's case of answering with 'what?' I just think he's mixing with the wrong types at school

My brother says uuh? as do his children...sounds very caveman to me and I've noticed that it is used widely...not nice IMO.

You can just see the glazed look on DH's face when I'm talking to him, but there is something mundane far more interesting on the TV/PC/mid-air. He'll suddenly pipe up "do what?" - bugs the life out of me, so I'll reply something completely random like cucumbers, parking spaces etc which REALLY confuses him (it doesnt take much).