AIBU? I really dont know....

[follyfoot]

Got a big birthday next month. I had booked a couple of days off work to make a long weekend and then also took A level results day off to be at home for DD as it is around the same time. DH told me last night that he has arranged something for my birthday - its a trip away from what I can tell (5 days), which is very lovely of him. But.... we will be away from the morning of the A Level results :(

Apparently we cant go any later (am thinking its a flight maybe?) in the day. I havent had the heart to speak to DD about it yet, but have been awake most of the night worrying about what to do. She will be really upset, but probably wont show it cos she knows its a treat for me. DH has been very ill this year, so its lovely of him to do this, but am torn in half. My DD needs me that day, to celebrate or to commiserate and find a plan B if she doesnt get her Uni place. She is DH's step daughter; his DSs dont live with us, so although one of them is also getting his results that day, I dont think DH even thought of it, he just assumed I'd booked a few days off to relax (although I had told him).

Oh bugger.

I don't think that you have read all the posts ImperialBlether-or you would know that I have argued long and hard that it is essential to be there!!
I was just responding to the teacher, who has no idea what happens once they have got the results.
It is all a bit different now anyway as they can get them online the night before.(if the site doesn't crash!)You still need to be there IMO.

Tough one, and I would probably have been on DD's side until she went batshit on finding out about the holiday.

It IS nice to be there to support, especially this year as everyone's pointed out, but having a tantrum because your mum is going on holiday is incredibly immature behaviour and suggests that the DD is definitely NOT an adult. This is someone who expects to be living independently in, what, 2 months?

I work at a sixth form college and I know we'd give really good support to any confused/upset/needy students on the day. It's the career advisors busiest day.

As someone else said further up, is her Dad not around to play that role on the day?

No Dad not around - she hasnt seen him since she was 4 (DV)

having a tantrum because your mum is going on holiday is incredibly immature behaviour and suggests that the DD is definitely NOT an adult. This is someone who expects to be living independently in, what, 2 months?

I agree wholeheartedly with this - what kind of "support" from her Mum will the OP's DD expect if she does get a place at university? If the mere suggestion that her mum won't be there on results day causes a meltdown, then how will she cope at Uni?

Presumably, if clearing is a possibility, Uni may be too far for OP to visit regularly, or even get to quickly in the event of an emergency - so OP's DD will suddenly be expected to fend for herself once she waves mum goodbye.

I think it is important to be there when the results come out. We got results in school (abroad) and I remember doing not so well in one of my subjects. I was in total shock and first thing I did do was call my mum and have a really good cry. She thought I had failed everything and was really shocked but incredibly supportive.
I figured the rest out myself, re-sits etc, but it was good to have her there. And while I went out that night with my friends, that afternoon I went home to have a nice relaxing day with my mum, another good cry and some comfort food.

When I got an A in an important oral final I called her afterwards and she screamed down the phone, she was so excited. Everyone at work heard her. That night we had a mini celebration too.

She helped me so much to get through school, was there for 13 years of education, helped with primary school projects, picked secondary schools and majors with me, studied through the night with me preparing for exams... I know that she was just as happy/devastated as I was on result days and definitely just as much on edge.

I was very independent and left for a year abroad shortly after all of this. But then I don't believe needing support from ones family has anything to do with being an adult. Sometimes we just need that extra bit of support, even if it's just coming home and getting a hug, having someone bring you tea when you make life changing phone calls or whatever. I don't think we ever not need this, be it 17 or 45. When your future depends on some results, decisions etc it's nice to have support.

So OP, I think it is nice you are going to be home that day and please don't be angry at your daughter. As everyone has stated this year is so hard for people getting into uni, she must have felt the pressure all year. I am not surprised she got angry when your DP told her, I think we can all understand overreacting sometimes when being on edge, no?

Do tell you DP though that you would have loved to go and think you should post pone the trip. it is lovely of him to do this and it sounds like you had a really hard time, so you deserve a lovely break!

I agree entirely WannaBeMarryPoppins. I don't think that it has anything to do with independence or lack of it.
I am a lot older than 45yrs and my mother is still one of the first people that I would phone with good news or bad because I know that I come first with her.
I can't imagine how anyone would want to be away on such an important day and just dismiss it as 'they are an adult-it is up to them'.
She may be an adult in years-getting upset shows that she isn't really underneath and she wants the hugs and support.