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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is exH being cheeky..

93 replies

Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 17:47

I'm not sure if i'm being a bitch, or i'm confused or whether he is asking for something a bit unreasonable so please tell me if i seem mental.

ExH of 2 years lives in the marital home with exBest friend (nice). I am still on the mortgage tho don't pay towards it and the flat has been on the market 2 year (it's in negative equity) and looks like it wont sell.

I want to sign everything over to him and start a new life with DP (we're ttc and i don't want to be connected to my ex at all).

ExH has said the bank wont allow me off the current mortgage, he would need to apply for a new mortgage, but this would be at a higher rate. He says he cant afford this (i disagree - i know how much he earns, but it would mean less money for music festivals and city breaks!).

Anyway, he's seen a solicitor and asked if i can sign over the deeds to the flat to him but still be liable for half the mortgage.

I said that would be unfair on me. He gets all the flat but i still have to pay if something happens and he defaults. He said he wont default as he 'has a secure job' to which i replied no jobs are secure in this climate, especially in his field.

So i'm not really sure if i should sign it over or just keep things the way they are.

Any advice would be gratefully received.
TIA

OP posts:
NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe · 25/07/2011 17:49

to take over the mortgage completely, he would have to buy you out - ie buy your half o the property, so yes, he will have to get a new mortgage.

if it's not selling, have you thought about putting in an auction?

squeakytoy · 25/07/2011 17:51

Have you spoken to the bank yourself?

You also need to speak to a solicitor too.

lostlady · 25/07/2011 17:53

Don't do this. You should see a solicitor yourself- even as it stands you are liable for current mortgage if he defaults, get thee to a lawyer now!

Sarsaparilllla · 25/07/2011 17:54

No, you're right that would be unfair on you don't sign over to him while your name is still on the mortgage, speak to a solicitor yourself and get some advice

Yes, if he was to take on the mortgage himself he would need to get a remortgage, which I guess as it's in negative equity would be difficult, but you need some proper advice on this

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 17:57

it's not selling because you would have to be an utter idiot to buy it!!
He is deluded and has hardly any viewings but still keeps saying it should be sold in a couple of months - not really sure where he's getting that idea from!
He wont talk to me about it as he says it's his flat and none of my business so i am supposed to stay on the mortgage indefinitely.

Also in the divorce settlement we have an agreement to be liable to £100 per month till it's sold as he didn't think it was fair i left him with the full mortgage (even tho he was living there). This was when we assumed it would sell immediately and we would have a profit for the £100 per month to come out of my half.

If it sells for less profit than the money i owe it will be a wash and he will just keep all profits.

It makes my head hurt and i just want to be rid of it. As does he.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 17:59

i've not spoken to anyone. we did a hideous online quicky divorce and i agreed to everything :(

i'm a twat aren't I?

OP posts:
Gonzo33 · 25/07/2011 18:00

Please get legal advice asap. Do NOT sign the flat over to him without him "buying you out" even if you don't get anything out of it.

worraliberty · 25/07/2011 18:01

YANBU to not hand over the deeds

YABU to expect him to take on a full mortgage on his own. You say it just means 'less money for music festivals and city breaks' but then go on to say 'no jobs are secure in this climate, especially in his field'

So why would he want to take it on alone in the current housing slump?

HeavyHeidi · 25/07/2011 18:07

no absolutely do not sign it over to him. As you yourself said, he would then own the flat and you would still be responsible for the mortgage. "oh I won't default" is no security, is it. Even if he does not lose the hob but simply does not want to pay - bank will come after the one easier to catch, they won't care that you don't live there.

Interest rates are lower than a few years ago, surely? And he can take a joint mortgage with your ex-best friend.

Gonzo33 · 25/07/2011 18:08

Worraliberty,

So you expect the OP, who has been divorced from the man she has a mortgage with, to carry on with the mortgage? She has a new partner, he has a new partner. Why can't het get on with his life and move on. If he has to sell the house at a REALISTIC price then he needs to do that. Plenty of people in the same situation (including me 10 years ago) have had to do similar things and still manage to survive.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:09

I want to sell it for less than we bought it for. The mortgage was for 115k after we'd been paying it off. We borrowed 135k SO he wants at least what we paid for it and originally put it on the market for 160k. No discussion with me regarding price.

The mortgage repayments are £600 per month and he earns 2k net. I understand he is enjoying the single life and doing things he never did before we married. I get that. I just think we should cut our losses.

He wants to be able to buy somewhere else with the profits from the flat but refuses to accept there may not be any and is willing to stay there for another 10 years to wait to make money on it eventually - this means tho i wouldn't be eligible for another mortgage of my own.

If that makes sense.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 25/07/2011 18:10

I'm saying I don't see why the OP's ex should take all the risk if he doesn't have to Gonzo

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:13

I agree worra at the beginning it was okay and i paid half for the first year. that's why agreed to everything - to keep up my commitments. but it's dragging on now.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 25/07/2011 18:13

It's a tough situation

I can totally see why you want him to 'buy you out'

But I can totally see why he doesn't want that. The things are, it's all in his favour and I can't see him wanting to rock the boat.

Legal advice is definitely needed here Sad

Gonzo33 · 25/07/2011 18:13

I understand what you were saying worraliberty, but how does the OP and the OP's exh move on in life (property wise, financially etc) if they do not get rid of that property and the debt that comes with it.

OP - Doing an online divorce probably was not the best idea, but what is done is done. Get yourself to a good solicitor and get a free half hour asap.

DCSsunhill · 25/07/2011 18:13

OP, did you get a Consent Order, which severs you and exH's finances? If not, do it NOW!

worraliberty · 25/07/2011 18:14

The *way things are

FakePlasticTrees · 25/07/2011 18:15

well there's a 3rd option - he moves out and you rent it out.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:19

He posted the consent order which i'm refusing to sign as it says i am liable for half the mortgage and £100 per month till the flat is sold.

When we separated and he told me he'd been seeing my best friend for a while i just wanted everything over and agreed to everything. i had been made redundant myself (the same month) and had no money for a solicitor and nowhere to live.

I paid him for a years half of the mortgage out of my redundancy as i didn't think it was fair he was saddled with all the mortgage - regardless of what had happened between us i had made a financial commitment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:21

fake yes i suggested that but he says he needs a lump sum to buy somewhere else or for a rental deposit and doesn't want the hassle of managing it. Altho i have offered he says he doesn't want me involved in his flat.

OP posts:
alowVera · 25/07/2011 18:23

Do not sign it over to him if you are sill paying the mortgage.

FakePlasticTrees · 25/07/2011 18:24

can you move back in with your DP and take over the mortgage? (with or without the £100 a month from your Ex!) What ever you do, don't get in the situation where you are liable for a mortgage on a property you don't own.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:26

alow I'm not paying half the mortgage, not since Sep 2010, just the £100 per month owed since then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:28

fake I originally suggested that but exH said over his dead body! and now i live in my DP's house (which he owns) in a different county.

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 25/07/2011 18:30

I don't get it.
The place is in negative equity so you will walk away with nothing when it sells anyway.
He and his partner now live there, yes. So why are you paying towards their accommodation? Is he paying towards your rent?

This really makes no sense to me!

Perhaps I'm being dim.

Also, his new mortgage rate is not your problem; lots of people when they remortgage will be on higher rates than they were over the last few years so why should he be any different and why is this your problem?