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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or is exH being cheeky..

93 replies

Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 17:47

I'm not sure if i'm being a bitch, or i'm confused or whether he is asking for something a bit unreasonable so please tell me if i seem mental.

ExH of 2 years lives in the marital home with exBest friend (nice). I am still on the mortgage tho don't pay towards it and the flat has been on the market 2 year (it's in negative equity) and looks like it wont sell.

I want to sign everything over to him and start a new life with DP (we're ttc and i don't want to be connected to my ex at all).

ExH has said the bank wont allow me off the current mortgage, he would need to apply for a new mortgage, but this would be at a higher rate. He says he cant afford this (i disagree - i know how much he earns, but it would mean less money for music festivals and city breaks!).

Anyway, he's seen a solicitor and asked if i can sign over the deeds to the flat to him but still be liable for half the mortgage.

I said that would be unfair on me. He gets all the flat but i still have to pay if something happens and he defaults. He said he wont default as he 'has a secure job' to which i replied no jobs are secure in this climate, especially in his field.

So i'm not really sure if i should sign it over or just keep things the way they are.

Any advice would be gratefully received.
TIA

OP posts:

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 25/07/2011 22:46

So you were ill, he started fucking your friend, forced you out of your home, expects you to carry on paying for it and you still feel guilty? What a shitbag this man is.

Original poster

Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 22:53

i was ill and i left the flat to pursue madness. He asked me to come home but i was manic and went awol. by the time i had crashed and wanted to fix things it was too late, he had hardened to me - i don't blame him i was atrocious. All my friends sided with him and no one speaks to me anymore.

I just want to get out with the little dignity i have left.

OP posts:

HHLimbo · 25/07/2011 23:39

"he was very mean when we were together and hated sharing anything."

Not only that, he cheated on you and had an affair with your best friend, when he should have been supporting you.

I wouldnt be surprised if the relationship with him made you much more suseptible to bipolar problems.

Now you are better, you can take control of the situation and your own assets, and see the solicitor and the agent.

I dont see any reason not to get married to your DP, perhaps ask the solicitor about that too?

DoMeDon · 26/07/2011 10:50

Whoever's fault your split up was has no importance when it comes to the financials IMO. Your guilt over the way you bahved and wish to get away to freedom is clouding your judgement.

He has no right to knock £100 pm off your profit. It is half your property equity wise. Ok he is paying the mortgage which seems unfair if you benefit from that but he would pay rent instead if he didn't live there (and more than £600pm if he lived my way).

Try to put your feelings to one side. You own half the flat if he doesn't want you to he MUST buy you out. If he doesn;t want to pay the mortgage on a place you co-own then he MUST sell. He has options, he just doesn't like them and is weilding his hold over you to get his way.

Original poster

Spuddybean · 26/07/2011 10:57

But if the £100 per month i owe is in the divorce papers i signed can i get out of it now? I still have the consent order here i haven't signed.

OP posts:

DoMeDon · 26/07/2011 11:35

I am really not sure on that one - I would go to a solicitor now. We have a free legal helpline at my work - if you don't have access to anything like that and are in dire need of advice I could phone them with a couple of questions.

Original poster

Spuddybean · 26/07/2011 11:39

I emailed my ex saying i couldn't agree to anything until i saw a solicitor. he emailed back saying i was changing the plans and being aggressive

When DP is back on Fri i will see his solicitor. My exH also refuses to see or talk on the phone so everything goes back and forwards over email and he can ignore me if i say something he doesn't like. So frustrating.

OP posts:

Tanif · 26/07/2011 11:42

spuddy have you informed the mortgage company that you're no longer living there? If you do they may get cold feet and insist that the mortgage be settled immediately either by a sale or by your ex remortgaging in his own name.

HHLimbo · 26/07/2011 11:49

Have you made an appointment with the solicitor and spoken to the agent?

Agent: Find out the realistic sale value and the rental value. (you can also look online to see the price of similar properties.)

Solicitor: Check the divorce papers (and if this £100/month plan has any legality or can be changed).

Ask the solicitor about drawing up a fair consent order (the one he sent you can go in the bin!).
Ask about the situation if you remarry.

Remember he is renting half of the property from you, because you own 50%. So he should be paying you money.

Original poster

Spuddybean · 26/07/2011 12:23

tanif mortgage company know and are happy with it the way it is - more risk with just him i suppose.

HH not contacted the solicitor, my DP has one he uses so will call him when DP is home Friday. (i'm unemployed till Monday so cost will have to be covered by DP).

I have looked at comparable properties and spoken to a couple of agents. They say nothing is really selling at all and we are better off sitting on it for a while longer.

OP posts:

HHLimbo · 26/07/2011 15:16

Hi Spuddy, thats good you will see a solicitor. Im worried about the potential conflict of interest. You can also see the Citizens Advice Bureau, they give free legal advice and on the phone too.

What is the rental value? When house sales are slow and noone wants to buy, they usually rent instead. This increases the rental market, so it might be worth looking at that area.

Original poster

Spuddybean · 26/07/2011 15:18

HH the rental is £800 but he wont rent - he needs the money from a sale to move.

OP posts:

ShoutyHamster · 26/07/2011 15:37

Why on EARTH would you sign the flat over to him, but then be liable for the bad bits?

'He wont talk to me about it as he says it's his flat and none of my business'

Well it's NOT his flat, is it? And if he thinks you should stay on the mortgage and be liable for things then the above sentence is even more laughable.

If I were you I think I would stop feeling guilty for any of this mess, see a solicitor, and start seeing this process as a purely business one. Stop letting him guilt you. He sounds pretty horrible, you know. I'm glad you've moved on, but don't let him take the lead on this any more.

Maybe it would help to think of how much the flat would rent out for - and do this little calculation: say the mortgage is £600. Say the flat could be rented out for £550. He's living there, he's effectively renting it. So he should pay the first £550 of the mortgage, then you split the rest. Here, you'd owe the mortgage £25 a month.

If the mortage is say £600, but you could rent it out for £700, then he should be paying YOU money... Or get his bum out of there pronto and you both rent it out, and earn on it until property prices improve!

ShoutyHamster · 26/07/2011 15:42

Just found the mortgage and rental figures...

OP, he's the one getting a deal here. He should be paying you to live there if the rental value is £800. So, he's paying £200 less than market rate for a flat, but knocking off £100 off any resale value at the same time?

He's having a laugh. Get a solicitor and get the equity thing thrashed out and try to get that £100 a month thing overturned. Say you were pressured into it if you have to. It's ridiculous, you didn't take advice, and Mr. Shagging Your Best Friend is now shafting you financially too.

Force a sale, or get him to pay proper market rent. Oh and yes you do get a say in the sale price or marketing of a property that you are on the deeds for. You just need to enforce that through a solicitor, as he is a prick :)

Text him back - yes I am bloody well changing the plans, I was considering a new plan called 'not being taken for a ride' in the place of the old plan 'you get the lot'.

Sneaky little horror.

cantspel · 26/07/2011 17:25

Please get proper legal advice. It is all very well random strangers on the internet saying he should re mortgage but it is not that simple.
At the moment you are both liable for the debt. If you are in negative equity than unless you can agree with the lender how any balance left outstanding after a sale is to be repaid they wont allow you to sell.
If you want to push him into remortanging to take you off the mortgage then again you will hit a problem as 100% mortgages are no longer available let alone 110% if the flat is now worth less than the outstanding mortgage. No one will be willing to lend him enough money to remortgage no matter how much he earns if the property is not worth that amount of money.

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING · 26/07/2011 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Spuddybean · 27/07/2011 17:54

shoutyhamster your post made me laugh.

I have told him the £100 per month agreement is not fair and i only agreed to it in an emotional state. I paid half the mortgage for the first year and now he wants £100 per month for the 2nd year. I have said that he would have needed to pay more than the mortgage if he was renting and as there is 2 of them there they have been basically living in a nice big flat in london for £600 per month thanks to me! So why i would then give him £1200 as well?
I have told him i am consulting a solicitor regarding a new consent order and that as long as i am on the deeds/mortgage the flat is half mine, no matter what he thinks.

Cheers all for the support. I suppose i just wanted it to be over and was too exhausted to fight. But now i am determined to stand my ground.

OP posts:

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 27/07/2011 23:47

If you are named on the mortgage and still paying towards it then the flat is half yours and legally he can't deny you access to it without a court order.
I think this man has taken advantage of you, completely and utterly, and made your MH issues worse in order to do so.

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