AIBU or is exH being cheeky..

[Spuddybean]

I'm not sure if i'm being a bitch, or i'm confused or whether he is asking for something a bit unreasonable so please tell me if i seem mental.

ExH of 2 years lives in the marital home with exBest friend (nice). I am still on the mortgage tho don't pay towards it and the flat has been on the market 2 year (it's in negative equity) and looks like it wont sell.

I want to sign everything over to him and start a new life with DP (we're ttc and i don't want to be connected to my ex at all).

ExH has said the bank wont allow me off the current mortgage, he would need to apply for a new mortgage, but this would be at a higher rate. He says he cant afford this (i disagree - i know how much he earns, but it would mean less money for music festivals and city breaks!).

Anyway, he's seen a solicitor and asked if i can sign over the deeds to the flat to him but still be liable for half the mortgage.

I said that would be unfair on me. He gets all the flat but i still have to pay if something happens and he defaults. He said he wont default as he 'has a secure job' to which i replied no jobs are secure in this climate, especially in his field.

So i'm not really sure if i should sign it over or just keep things the way they are.

Any advice would be gratefully received.
TIA

Can you get an (different) estate agent to view it, as if it was going on the market and give you an honest appraisal of what you would need to market it at to get a sale in, say, six months?

He says he can't sell it? Yes he can. All he has to do is price it realistically. Which means accepting that the property market has nose-dived and the kind of profits we all made a few years back aren't happening anymore.

GET LEGAL ADVICE NOW.

If you want him to take it over you will need to agree on a price one way or another.

i dont have access to the flat so not sure if i could get another appraisal. He says the agents are just saying they are getting no interest in any properties in the area. and with the lease/maintenance costs, others probably look more appealing.
He is ridiculously optimistic. keeps saying 'when it's sold, in a couple of months'. Today when he said that i asked him what the timeline would be for him to take over the flat if it's not sold in a few months? he didn't answer (fave response when he doesn't like a question)

I will probably say something like - if no offers by xmas he has to get a re-mortgage.

I feel so much better for getting it all off my chest and not feeling like a bitch! MN's great!!

Yes, I think you need to get him to agree to a date when you will formally hand the title to him. At that point you will need a proper valuation and you need to be prepared to hand cash to him (and vice versa) depending on what the valuer says.

OP, you keep referring to the property as 'his'. Surely if you are on the deeds and the mortgage, it is also 'yours'? Can you not contact whoever holds the mortgage directly and deal with them?

It makes no sense for you to sign away any ownership but retain liability for the mortgage. He is definitely playing silly buggers to try that on you.

Your ExH is a twit, or is lying to you, or both.

Sounds like he has got himself a good deal, with you subsidising his housing costs by £100!

You absolutely need to see a solicitor. Please think only about what YOU need and want, and the best option for YOU. the Ex is no longer your concern.

If the current occupant (Ex) cannot afford to live in a place like your flat, he will need to move out so the flat can be rented out or sold appropriately.

No matter what the financial situation, the flat is YOURS. (50%).

You must manage your assets in a sensible way, and having someone occupying the flat who cannot afford it may not be the best option. (P.s. have you looked at the local rental market to check its rental value?)

YOu definitely need legal advice OP. Also, please bear in mind that you no longer live in the flat because of your XP's behaviour. It sounds to me that you feel somehow guilty about the negative equity or about moving out, but XP was the one who had an affair. It's never a good idea to agree to an 'amicable' separation with someone who has already lied to you and done things that hurt your feelings. What the unfaithful man usually means when he says 'Oh let's not waste money on solicitors, let's just sort it out ourselves', is 'Let me fuck you over one more time you silly bitch, I know you'll do anything I say.'

I would go to the agent myself, explain i own half the property and ask their advice on getting it to sell.

No way to signing over deeds and being liable for half the mortgage.

It is still half yours. Equally i would see sol and not be paying £100pm to him either.

YANBU btw - he's a cheeky fuck

Yes SGB i do feel guilty. The ending of the relationship was my fault mainly. I have bipolar and went totally off the rails. He ended up falling in love with my best friend when they were comforting each other. I understand all that. I don't want to punish him - i just want to move on.

This just drags me back to that dark place. i am so much happier now i am in love and healthy and ttc.

DMD good advice on the agent. i will call some others tomo and see what price they think is realistic.

Thanks again all of you.

"I don't want to punish him - i just want to move on."

But his behaviour suggests he does want to punish you, and not let you move on. realistically, any residual guilt you may have felt should have evaporated when he 'fell in love' with your best friend.

Keep that thought in mind while you sort out your finances for YOUR property.

i dont think he wants to punish me really i think he just wants as much as he can get - he was very mean when we were together and hated sharing anything.

He's just selfish and unrealistic.

The housepricecrash forum would just love this one. They're always crowing about delusional sellers. Agree with everyone else re legal advice; you need to disentangle yourself from this set-up ASAP.

I don't profess to be an expert in these matters but why on earth would you want to sign away your rights to/ownership of a property and yet remain liable for the mortgage? If the current mortgage company will not consent to transferring the mortgage into your ExH's sole name then you are still better off waiting for the flat to be sold I'm afraid - at least, that way, if there is a slight profit to be had then you may benefit. Sign away ownership & you surely wouldn't?

I just want to marry my DP and have a baby and emigrate. :( i know it's my fault i'm in this situation and i should stop whinging. it's just taking fucking ages. grrr

Sorry, confusion here (my fault i'm sure) i don't actually pay £100 per month as i am unemployed and don't have it. He knocks £100 per month off whatever my profits would be once it's sold. That's why my worry is the longer he stays there and the less he sells it for i could end up owing him money as well. Altho he has said if the profit is less than my debt he would write it off.

If that makes sense. apologies.

we can't emigrate unless we are married :( FUCK

Cheers MJ
Solicitors ASAP i reckon.