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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is exH being cheeky..

93 replies

Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 17:47

I'm not sure if i'm being a bitch, or i'm confused or whether he is asking for something a bit unreasonable so please tell me if i seem mental.

ExH of 2 years lives in the marital home with exBest friend (nice). I am still on the mortgage tho don't pay towards it and the flat has been on the market 2 year (it's in negative equity) and looks like it wont sell.

I want to sign everything over to him and start a new life with DP (we're ttc and i don't want to be connected to my ex at all).

ExH has said the bank wont allow me off the current mortgage, he would need to apply for a new mortgage, but this would be at a higher rate. He says he cant afford this (i disagree - i know how much he earns, but it would mean less money for music festivals and city breaks!).

Anyway, he's seen a solicitor and asked if i can sign over the deeds to the flat to him but still be liable for half the mortgage.

I said that would be unfair on me. He gets all the flat but i still have to pay if something happens and he defaults. He said he wont default as he 'has a secure job' to which i replied no jobs are secure in this climate, especially in his field.

So i'm not really sure if i should sign it over or just keep things the way they are.

Any advice would be gratefully received.
TIA

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 25/07/2011 18:32

Sorry, you're not paying half the mortage, I can see that now.
What's the £100 a month for? Can you take this back to court? Did you get a clean break?

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:36

chicletteeth i am paying £100 per month towards my commitment as regardless of who else lives there i am liable for the mortgage - she moved in later.
His mortgage rate is not my problem, but if he wont agree to remortgage in his name i don't think i can compel him to do so. And why would he agree if it's going to cost him more? Why should he care i am liable and unable to get a mortgage with my current DP?

Sadly it is me being dim i think :(

OP posts:
diddl · 25/07/2011 18:38

How strange-if there´s negative equity & you will get nothing from a sale, why didn´t you just sign yourself off the mortgage & any bills connected to the house?

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:40

A visit to the solicitors is in order i think. We initially agreed to be as nice about all this as possible but it seems a bit one sided in my mind. He, however, feels differently and i am the one who has left him with a flat he cant sell - i can see that too. It can't be nice being in our marital home.

If i marry my DP would that mean he would also be liable for my debts if exH defaults?

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 25/07/2011 18:40

There must be something you can do to force a sale.
Go into the legal section and ask there.
It is silly that you are still liable for a property that you no longer live in with a man you are no longer married to; he can't force you to remain on a mortgage for this house.

You need to seek legal advice, presumably a house sale can be forced or he will be forced to buy you out? (I don't even know what that will amount to given that you're in negative equity)

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:42

diddl he wouldn't agree as he didn't think it would be fair to him if interest rates went up etc.

I think we could sell it for what the mortgage is now (115k) but he says he wants at least 10k profit.

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 25/07/2011 18:44

He's a dick and he's very deluded.
Not sure where you live but depending on when you bought, unless a fair while ago, there will be no profit.
What plant does he live on?

At least it's not as though you owe 115 and it's worth about 90, that would be shit.

chicletteeth · 25/07/2011 18:47

Wouldn't be fair to him if interest rates went up?

pootlebug · 25/07/2011 18:48

He needs to see that him wanting to make a profit on it (which presumably in any case he should split with you, since you have paid the mortgage too?) does not mean you can in the current market. Hanging onto it for goodness knows how many years just isn't feasible for either of you.

I think selling for £115k if you can get that mean you both get to walk away and start again. If you get more than £115k that's a bonus....which you should split.

I'm not sure what you can do to force the sale, but I suspect a solicitor could help.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:52

chicletteeth i know, he can't seem to understand that tho we bought it for 135k the market does not reflect that now. He thinks he has a right to make money on it, he is refusing to accept he wont get 150k.
He also thinks he should keep all profits as he paid 2/3 mortgage as he earned more than me. (not that there will be any profits)

Also it's lease hold and there is only 69 years left on the lease and the management agents are compelling 5k per flat for a new roof.

So anyone who bought it would be paying more than market rate for other similar properties on the street, would have to pay 10k to up the lease and 5k for essential maintenance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 18:54

he has recently dropped the price to 140k [confuse] and i am also allowed no say in this.

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 25/07/2011 18:56

If you felt like you wanted to be fair and to acknowledge his higher contriubutions, if there were any profits at all, you could give him 2/3 of it. That would not be unreasonable?

Are you obliged to do this? No.
Should you do this (IMO)? Absolutely not.

Doesn't sound like it's an option anyway.

He must think you're a few sandwiches short; removing yourself from the deeds but staying on the mortgage? Really.

pootlebug · 25/07/2011 18:57

'He also thinks he should keep all profits as he paid 2/3 mortgage as he earned more than me. (not that there will be any profits)'

WTF? If he paid 2/3 of the mortgage he gets 2/3 of the profits and you get the rest. As you say, it sounds like it is a moot point anyway though.

chicletteeth · 25/07/2011 18:59

You are allowed a say on this because you can say no to any offer that is made and refuse to sell since you own half. Have you reminded him of this?

Contact the estate agent yourself and drop the asking price, if he puts it up again, then put it back down again and soon no agent will want to be dealing with you as an (ex)couple and he will then realise that he is accountable to you and that he doesn't run the show.

What a dipstick.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 19:04

Really pootle you think that when you're married if one partner pays more in they get more out? What if i'd had a baby and he'd covered all the mortgage? what about that i did most of the housework & cooking? what about that my parents bought our car, gave us money towards the deposit, paid for our wedding, did all the work on the flat when we moved in?

Not having a go, just interested that that is your opinion. but i think it's mad that he thinks that cos he paid more mortgage for 2 years he thinks he should get 2/3s of all profits.

i didn't think the law worked like that anyway? does it? (genuine question)

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 25/07/2011 19:07

Pootle YABU. He should not get 2/3 of the profits just because he paid 2/3 of the mortgage!

That's an insane attitude to take towards a married couple and their finances

diddl · 25/07/2011 19:10

"diddl he wouldn't agree as he didn't think it would be fair to him if interest rates went up etc."

But why does he have to agree-if there´s no equity-nothing in it for you, you get yourself signed off it.

If he wants to keep the place, he pays the mortgage & the bills.

pootlebug · 25/07/2011 19:10

Okay I was assuming that at the time you both contributed equally both financially and in responsibilities at home and had no kids. Blatantly if you'd had a baby and he'd covered the mortgage that wouldn't stand, and if you or your parents contributed more to deposit or elsewhere it also wouldn't be appropriate. But I didn't have any of that information.

loubielou31 · 25/07/2011 19:17

What, other than your conscience is compelling you to pay £100 a month. would withdrawing this force his hand in anyway?
He is being a twat in my opinion but then that's probably no surprise.

ivykaty44 · 25/07/2011 19:22

don't sign the consent order - it is 99.9% legaly binding so just don't sign it and go and seek legal advise. Tell him you are going to seek legal advise on whether to sign the consent order.

3rd option is probably a good one - but thats just my opinion

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 19:23

Sorry pootle didn't mean to jump down your throat or not give all info. Just this has been said to me by others, even with all the facts Shock.

loubie The divorce settlement has the £100 per month in it.

diddl he has to agree or we have to sell it. It isn't up to him really it is up to the bank. Their agreement is with both of us so i can't just opt out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 19:26

if we give it up for repossession to the bank they will sell it for anything and come after both of us for the balance. And as you can see from my previous post about the state of the flat, it's hardly the prize of the century!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 19:34

Anyway, cheers all of you, you've been a real help. My DP is away and i started to panic.

I will see a solicitor and not sign the consent order.

Thank you for clarifying things in my mind - he made me feel like i was being bonkers by not agreeing.

OP posts:
create · 25/07/2011 19:35

If it's in negative equity ( the mortgage is more than the value), you'd need to pay him to take over the part of the loan that's greater than the value of the flat. i.e if it's sold for £100k and the mortgage is £115k, there will still be debt of £15k, which you'd need to split between you. If he takes over the whole property and debt, then you're effectively selling your debt to him. If it's really in negative equity, then there's nothing for him to buy from you.

Original poster
Spuddybean · 25/07/2011 19:43

create yes i see what you are saying. The thing is it may not be. The area has gone down in value but we may get what the mortgage is but not what we bought if for.

However we will never know as exH refuses to agree to dropping the price, which is why i just want him to take over the whole thing, then he can choose what he does with it without it affecting me.

OP posts: