...to insist DH has Cat put to sleep??

[JulyOrAugustThatIsTheQuestion]

The said cat is 16 and he is DH's cat as he's had him from a kitten and I've only been around half that time.

The cat has had dodgy back legs for ages and in all honesty we weren't expecting him to get through another winter. However, its been brought to a head over the last couple of weeks as he's now limping badly on his front right.

DH kind of buries his head in the sand where the cat is concerned and only sees what he wants to see. I did however insist that he took him to the vets last week to which they've given him some anti inflammatory drugs.......but after a weeks use they've not really had much of an improvement and he's not been able to go out for that time because I'm worried he'd get run over or stuck somewhere.

I've called the vet this morning to speak to her (quite impressed she did speak to me and not ask me to just take him back down there and charge me the consultation fee) and explained the drugs haven't done much. She pretty much said if they were going to work then they would have done by now. She has said that he could have another painkilling drug on top of the current ones if we wanted. I was quite blunt with her and asked if it would be unreasonable for me to suggest that we now call it a day with the cat, to which she replied 'not at all'. She said the subject had come up when DH was there but she didn't feel that he seemed ready to make that decision so didn't push it.

I've spoken to DH (albeit whilst he's at work) and he still just doesn't seem to get it and really doesn't seem to be prepared to make that decision.....I think he's thinking he'll put him on the other painkillers too.

I did also say to him before that I wouldn't be the one to take the cat to the vets to have him put to sleep as I've had to do my own fair share with my own dogs and its too heartbreaking, as a pet owner is your own responsibility. I know that's harsh and am feeling mean now that I said it, so will in fact offer to do it for him if that will make it any better for him (not that I will like doing it one little bit - I've been inconsolable when it was my dogs....one of which was very recent

Soooo after that long history (sorry!), do you think I'd be unreasonable to insist that DH makes the decision to have him put to sleep??? I would never let someone else tell me what to do with my animals but then I would never leave them too long and let them suffer and I just don't know if DH will ever make the right decision.....

Just to complicate matters I am 39+3 weeks pregnant so not really the best timing for any of this........but then the poor sod didn't choose to be hurting now.

What to do, what to do?!?!?!?

Seriously, your DH has made a decision of sorts, you need to let him come to it in his own time while the cat is not suffering pain.

you are confusing with the issue of going out /staying in with humans a lot of people do this in a lot of areas , if you think about it cats go out catch a bird or mouse come in eat sleep go out wee/poop thats it its not eactly exciting stuff so what i was trying to tell you is just because the cat uded to go out does not mean its missing going out now, its meowing because its trying to interact with you saying im tired im old im ill or im happy i wasnt strokes , foo , the toilet like an old person might , they dont just cry when unhappy its their way of comunication... it sounds to me as your comming back to ever answer with an excuse reason maybe people were right you are just trying to rid the home of what you consider a pain in butt before baby arrives, im not arguing just saying it as im now seing it throughout the thread.

keys sticky from my DS

As I've said I have left it to DH to make the decision on what to do next. Options are, more painkillers, more painkillers and keeping him in if increased painkillers still aren't good enough for him to be able to go outside, or PTS.

As I said DH called the vet and after that discussion he decided that PTS was the best option........but won't take action on his decision which is wrong. If he has changed his mind about PTS then fine but he must do something!!!

TheOriginalFab if the cat wasn't in pain and therefore suffering then none of this would be an issue!!!

From where I'm standing it would seem I can't do right for doing wrong now - I insist he PTS and I'm wrong, I let him make his own decision as he has and I'm wrong.

I'll let DH keep his blinkers on, let him let the cat go outside if he so wishes and let the poor sod cope on 1 good leg and 3 shit ones........all sorted!!!

OP I REALLY cannot understand why you, or DH, wont just give the other meds a chance to see if they may help before getting all worked up about a decision that may not have to be made. You have nothing to lose, but the cat does, poor git.

They will only give it pain killers, there just a short term fix ! In a couple of weeks they will be in this position again, how can that be fair on the cat?

When my old girl was in the last stages, she started going outside and having a good wander. I think she had lost her mind - and I kept telling DD that she had probably gone off to die, but no, she would suddenly appear on the patio. If there had been any predators around she wouldn't have stood a chance, but we did keep a close eye on her and I was glad she had some time in the fresh air and sunshine (and howling gales and rain) befor she went. Although having read frostyfingers post things can clearly go wrong with the best intentions. Frosty - did you post that in the tack room a few months ago?

Lovesicecream, I'll take a wild stab in the dark here and say that the painkillers might work.....

South - OP has said DH is gonig to make the next decision re painkillers etc, with vets advice and that the current painkillers aren't working, not all medication does. Sometimes you need to question for whose benefit you are medicating though - ours for our peace of mind, or the animal's best care. She's trying her best for the cat, give her a break!

Exit - yes, that was me, I'm still feeling guilty as you can tell....

What there going to make it's legs better are they? Or there just going to help with the pain for abit untill the cat builds up a tolerance to them and then the pain will come back

And what about it's kidneys?

all this rabbiting on........meanwhile 24 hrs later the cat is still in pain as no one can be assed to walk to the vets and get the painkillers..............nice.

Couldnt you or anyone at least put the cat out of its misery and give it a tablet WHY you decide?

I dont think you are a awful person and I dont think your DH is either. We are all human and deal with things in different ways. I think you are having one hell of a dilema dealing with this. But all this typing is not actually taking its pain away is it ? You are never going to get the entire mumsnett public to totally agree that you are right to put the cat down. You will be posting a very very long time. Just get the cat some painkillers and then give your DH time to think. He could still end up doing this for you to give you peace but still be upset that it wasnt his true decision iyswim.

Loves, if its arthritis / similar joint pain then painkillers may manage it - the clue is in the name, its just finding the right ones

If they dont work then at least they have tried their best the cat

Haven't read entire post but can I say IMO YABU. I had my cat from a kitten and she died from natural causes at 16. She was definitely suffering from old age but no way would I have had her put down, she was a member of our family when she died she was mourned as such and even now 15 years on I have a picture of her on the mantlepiece together with those of my dc. My advice is to let your dp decide what is best for her as he is probably well aware of her demise and handling it in his own way

OP - have you mentioned your concerns about the cat's kidneys to your vet? Pain medications that are commonly given to arthritic pets are contraindicated for animals with renal problems.
What drugs are you currently giving the cat? Is it Metacam (Meloxicam)?

picturelibrary is right. My cat has renal failure and we are limited in what we can give her for her arthritis but rest assured she has everything I can give her and has a great life as a much loved family member.