...to insist DH has Cat put to sleep??

[JulyOrAugustThatIsTheQuestion]

The said cat is 16 and he is DH's cat as he's had him from a kitten and I've only been around half that time.

The cat has had dodgy back legs for ages and in all honesty we weren't expecting him to get through another winter. However, its been brought to a head over the last couple of weeks as he's now limping badly on his front right.

DH kind of buries his head in the sand where the cat is concerned and only sees what he wants to see. I did however insist that he took him to the vets last week to which they've given him some anti inflammatory drugs.......but after a weeks use they've not really had much of an improvement and he's not been able to go out for that time because I'm worried he'd get run over or stuck somewhere.

I've called the vet this morning to speak to her (quite impressed she did speak to me and not ask me to just take him back down there and charge me the consultation fee) and explained the drugs haven't done much. She pretty much said if they were going to work then they would have done by now. She has said that he could have another painkilling drug on top of the current ones if we wanted. I was quite blunt with her and asked if it would be unreasonable for me to suggest that we now call it a day with the cat, to which she replied 'not at all'. She said the subject had come up when DH was there but she didn't feel that he seemed ready to make that decision so didn't push it.

I've spoken to DH (albeit whilst he's at work) and he still just doesn't seem to get it and really doesn't seem to be prepared to make that decision.....I think he's thinking he'll put him on the other painkillers too.

I did also say to him before that I wouldn't be the one to take the cat to the vets to have him put to sleep as I've had to do my own fair share with my own dogs and its too heartbreaking, as a pet owner is your own responsibility. I know that's harsh and am feeling mean now that I said it, so will in fact offer to do it for him if that will make it any better for him (not that I will like doing it one little bit - I've been inconsolable when it was my dogs....one of which was very recent

Soooo after that long history (sorry!), do you think I'd be unreasonable to insist that DH makes the decision to have him put to sleep??? I would never let someone else tell me what to do with my animals but then I would never leave them too long and let them suffer and I just don't know if DH will ever make the right decision.....

Just to complicate matters I am 39+3 weeks pregnant so not really the best timing for any of this........but then the poor sod didn't choose to be hurting now.

What to do, what to do?!?!?!?

Indeed I admit that I really could do without this at the moment but I also said that it wasn't his fault he was in pain nor that I would let him suffer or have him put to sleep to suit me.

What would 'suit' me is to have a happy cat that wasn't suffering at all - if that's not the case then a decision has to be made.

DH is fully aware of all the info, he called me from the vets last week asking what he thought he should do and I said it was up to him but I'd try the drugs.....partly because I was fairly sure he would feel better giving them a try and partly because it gave the cat a chance. I would also probably have thought trying the other drugs would have been the best option too if it wasn't for the conversation I had with the vet earlier. As its been said, vets won't tell you to put your pet to sleep but she pretty much was in a round about way........and no I wasn't hearing what some may think I would have wanted to hear.

I guess it really is up to DH, but I would rather fall out with DH than let the cat suffer.

No Oscar.

My views are "no-kill".

No-kill is a completely different moral viewpoint to out and out anti-euthanasia.

ive 3 indoor only breed of cats (ragdolls) who have never gone out but at the height of summer they always try to go out, so the way of life arguments rubbish they know no different but the sounds and smells of summer make them cry at the cage door of the cat run (ive others that are moggies who do go out too) they ALL have a perfectly happy life lots of fuss toys and cuddles and a big house and conservatory and cat run to play in , i dont think they are missing out on anything by staying in as the lady with a amputee cat was saying as its what they GET used to and like children animals can be very reilient and bounce back after terrible injury and pain

Drivemecrazy - his back legs are definitely arthritis......shoulder, hmm she's treating it for that but says there's something seriously wrong with it as the joint is very abnormal. In the back of my head that doesn't really sound like the way a vet describes arthritis to me. Basically she said there was very little point doing an x-ray because if it is arthritis she's treat it the same way now, if its not then there wouldn't be anything we could do anyway.

Calpol's a new one on me :) Couldn't give it to the cat though as its got paracetamol in it and that's incredibly poisonous to cats I believe. The new drugs would be the equivalent of tramadol.

YABU and mean.

If the cat is not in pain but just a bit unsteady that is no reason to have it put to sleep.

My cat is 16 and isn't well. She won't get better but at the moment her medication is doing its job and she is still having a good quality of life.

I don't have pets, simply because I have seen the agonies that my mum goes through when one of her moggies becomes past the point of decent life quality. One cat at 21 years of age was dragging itself around in obvious pain and had started to lose control of it's water works. The vet said that everything was shutting down but she couldn't bring herself to do the deed. I considered taking it to the vet while she was out shopping, having it put out of it's mysery and then putting it cosily in it's basket for mum to find on her return. Luckily nature beat me to it but sometimes it is kinder to help nature out.

YABVU and mean. I agree with those who say it sounds like you want the cat out of the way for your own convenience. You just can't admit it because you know that is awful.

"Either way I've said I wouldn't put him through the stress of an x-ray as whatever they said was wrong with him would make no difference, at 16 I wouldn't have him operated on or anything."

I I I. It isn't your cat!

Cats can live for quite a while with kidney trouble and if the cat is drinking more than usual your DH needs to take it to the vet ASAP.

I don't think there is anything wrong in speaking to him again and saying you know it's hard but sometimes decisions have to be made and you think this would be for the best.

But you cannot insist only support him in deciding.

Is the cat still eating, drinking, walking? You will KNOW when the time has come, but it doesn't sound as though it is here just yet. I think you are pushing it a bit, to be honest.

Drivemecrazy - I don't think there's anything wrong with indoor cats whether they be pedigree or moggies, my cousin has 2 Maine Coon cats and a colleague 2 Ragdolls and they're all indoor cats. I do however think that's very different when they've always been indoor and have known no different, to a 16 year old cat who has always liked to spend the day outside. He now either lays down for hours in the same spot or sits in front of me meowing......doesn't seem like a happy cat to me. I did also say to DH that if his legs didn't get any better and he still didn't want to have him PTS then he would have to be an indoor cat.......DH said no to that and I gave no opinion on it. DH wants to let him out now but that's not on in my book in case he got run over or stuck somewhere.

I think you are pushing the issue before it needs to be pushed. I would try the new drugs first and then see, if they are equiv to Tramadol then they may do the trick - they work wonders for my mum who has arthritis (who we havent decided to have PTS just incase you were wondering )

TheOriginalFab - I I I, just the way I've written it. DH and I have had numerous conversations over months and months (pre pregnancy before we start that again) about the cat and when he's not been faced with the decision he's said all the same things - HE wouldn't put him through x-rays, operations etc etc, its only now that its come to a head that he seems to have blinkers on. I understand why but that doesn't mean its right for the cat.

LadyThumb - that's what I'm not confident about. Like I said, dogs I think its always very easy to tell but with the cat I'm really not sure. I see a very heavily limping cat that meows all the time and to me that translates as a unhappy cat that's in pain.........perhaps that makes me unreasonable.

also as the owner of many many many cats who have had all sorts througout the years, id say if it is still eating, drinking, walking about a bit and its not yowling or yelping then it sounds like it is something that might be managed by medication

"From a practical but probably very selfish point of view, I'd also rather there weren't the litter trays in the house. Plus I don't really want the happy arrival of the baby (when she/he finally decides to make an appearance) to be complicated by taking the cat up and down to the vets."

Gosh, you sound lovely. Poor cat. If it is still eating, mobile and not in obvious intolerable pain, you are being v,v, unreasonable.

Southmum - there is yowling to a degree, he walks into the kitchen on his own, sits in the middle of the carpet and does what I can only describe as screaming. It goes on for a while and doesn't stop if you call him or anything. If you actually walk in to the kitchen then he'll stop.........its very strange, he probably does it about 4 times a day. I originally wondered if he'd has some sort of stroke or something and that was the reason for the big limp too but the vet said no to that so just screaming. She didn't have an answer as to what the screaming was for.

Eurochick - explained it numerous times!

I don't tend to limp for the fun of it so I assume he is not either.......I guess being left with 1 good leg out of 4 aint bad so he can just carry on as he is it would seem.

hmm, could be attention or wanting to go out. How is he when you stroke him near the joint in question?

Honestly this is DH's decision.

Firstly the vet needs all the info - you need to tell her about the cat drinking more and let her do the tests she needs to do in order to figure out what the problem is. How long has this been going on for? Could it be the cat has merely damaged his shoulder jumping down from somewhere and needs a couple of weeks recouperation? I know people say "Oh the vets are only trying to make money" but I've yet to come across someone who did 7 years medical study and countless exams just because they could make a fast buck. Indeed my vet was very, very honest with me when it came to the point of putting my dog down and said "If it was my dog, I'd put him down" which I was eternally thankful for as someone independent telling me the decision was okay.

Pets are members of the family, and you don't just get rid of them when it becomes inconvenient. But your DH will know when the time is right - there is no question. But it's his decision to make.

He was doing this screaming thing before we kept him in. He's come in from outside and sat there and scream too. That's probably been going on for a month or so now.

As for touching his leg, he pulls it away. When he's laying there on his own he lifts it up and moves it constantly.

Last night he was laying there and tried to get up but acted more like a horse that was cast.....back legs flinging all over the place so DH had to roll him over.

@July - I have two 15 yr old moggies. One is doing the yowling/screaming thing where he wanders about shouting for 5 minutes or so. Talking, picking him up or stroking makes no difference. He's fine otherwise so vet thinks it is probably the onset of feline dementia.

I can sympathise with both you and your DH's POV. It is so hard to make the decision to have a pet euthanised but again you don't want to see an animal in pain unnecessarily. I think your DH has to decide what to do as it is his cat.

This cat isnt dead dying or on its last legs yet. It is still eating, drinking and using its litter tray. My cat was 17.5 when she died and she told me.....she stopped eating, drank little and tried to take herself off to die somewhere peacefull. I knew it because in all the years I had her she had never left my side wherever I was. They have a look that you instantly know it is time to do your best for your animal. My cat couldnt purr and hadnt done for years. But when I took her up to the vet when I knew the time was right she just looked at me and curled up into a ball and purred the biggest purr as if she was saying thanks. Might sound soppy but that is exactly what happened.

You need to have the exact facts of what is wrong with the cat to warrant putting an animal to sleep. You say he has had kidney problems then it needs treating again if the problem has come back. Personally it is cruel not to let him have simple antibiotics or something to help his kidneys along. Unless you want it to slowly suffer. I wouldnt want the fact that I caused my animal to die of kidney failure which is agonising. If he is fit enough to eat and ask to go out and isnt incontinent then it deserves to have the meds to help him whatever he has.

Sorry but you did ask if you were BU and the answer to me is yes you are.

He isn't your cat and it's not your decision. YABU to "insist" on anything. Ultimately it's your DH's decision.

Nice how you're pushing to have the cat put down whilst reinforcing that you want your DH to take him/her in to do it. Like you're rubbing salt in the wound? You don't like the cat, got it.

I really would see how the other painkillers work OP. My cats started to do strange things as they got older and had ailments of one sort or another - one couldnt meow for years then she started and we couldnt shut her up (and that sounded like a raspy screaming noise), one who loved going out started being a hermit, and one who hated all the others started snuggling up to them. They are lovely, strange, wonderful creatures who do have a way of telling you when they have had enough, and believe me you will know.