...to insist DH has Cat put to sleep??

[JulyOrAugustThatIsTheQuestion]

The said cat is 16 and he is DH's cat as he's had him from a kitten and I've only been around half that time.

The cat has had dodgy back legs for ages and in all honesty we weren't expecting him to get through another winter. However, its been brought to a head over the last couple of weeks as he's now limping badly on his front right.

DH kind of buries his head in the sand where the cat is concerned and only sees what he wants to see. I did however insist that he took him to the vets last week to which they've given him some anti inflammatory drugs.......but after a weeks use they've not really had much of an improvement and he's not been able to go out for that time because I'm worried he'd get run over or stuck somewhere.

I've called the vet this morning to speak to her (quite impressed she did speak to me and not ask me to just take him back down there and charge me the consultation fee) and explained the drugs haven't done much. She pretty much said if they were going to work then they would have done by now. She has said that he could have another painkilling drug on top of the current ones if we wanted. I was quite blunt with her and asked if it would be unreasonable for me to suggest that we now call it a day with the cat, to which she replied 'not at all'. She said the subject had come up when DH was there but she didn't feel that he seemed ready to make that decision so didn't push it.

I've spoken to DH (albeit whilst he's at work) and he still just doesn't seem to get it and really doesn't seem to be prepared to make that decision.....I think he's thinking he'll put him on the other painkillers too.

I did also say to him before that I wouldn't be the one to take the cat to the vets to have him put to sleep as I've had to do my own fair share with my own dogs and its too heartbreaking, as a pet owner is your own responsibility. I know that's harsh and am feeling mean now that I said it, so will in fact offer to do it for him if that will make it any better for him (not that I will like doing it one little bit - I've been inconsolable when it was my dogs....one of which was very recent

Soooo after that long history (sorry!), do you think I'd be unreasonable to insist that DH makes the decision to have him put to sleep??? I would never let someone else tell me what to do with my animals but then I would never leave them too long and let them suffer and I just don't know if DH will ever make the right decision.....

Just to complicate matters I am 39+3 weeks pregnant so not really the best timing for any of this........but then the poor sod didn't choose to be hurting now.

What to do, what to do?!?!?!?

Northerngirl - the vet is aware of everything. She's said its not an injury, its a 'seriously abnormal joint'. And you're right, she's not just trying to make a quick buck and has told me that having him put to sleep wouldn't be wrong, hence why I'm a bit confused as to why there's so much jumping up and down about it. She has just given an alternative of another painkiller because she said she didn't think DH was ready to make that decision when she saw him...........that doesn't mean its not the right decision to make!!!!

Hand on heart, I'd be saying the same blinking thing whether there was a baby or not!!!!

As for pets being part of the family, perhaps I've given a very twisted view of this but I am by far and away a much bigger animal person than my DH. He is the one that thinks they're inconvenient, expensive etc etc and moans in a back handed way about the £1k I spent on my dog a month or so ago. The poor thing was coughing and struggling to breath but as it was the weekend DH thought I should wait until the Monday to take him.......errr NO, I DO NOT LET ANIMALS SUFFER!!!! That resulted in my dog being put to sleep, a decision I made myself because I knew it was the right thing to do. DH would have let him suffer the whole weekend..............hence why I do not trust him to make a fair judgement!!!!

I agree entirely with DBF, but furthermore, you really need to stay the fuck away from this decision. This is not your pet, it is not your decision to make. Do you really want to be in a position where your DH resents you so deeply for forcing him into a potentially unnecessary (at least in the immediate future) decision? Because I'm telling you, as an animal lover myself, I would never forgive DP for steering me into a decision I don't want to make (yet). Don't think I'm exaggerating there either.

Leave this to your DH, don't try to 'insist' on anything. But perhaps do try to have a bit of compassion for him and his cat.

There is such a jumping up and down about it because at the end of the day it is still your DH choice. The vet suggested another med because your husband is not ready. SHE saw he wasnt ready. She sounds like a good vet. But also a vet would say to the owner that they can try a certain drug but if this doesnt work.....................or it will result if further complications that could be fatal............or quite frankly there is nothing more we can do for your animal and we can give him this or that to make the rest of his life comfortable.............hence the cue to make a decision. They can say this....they just cant say you should be putting your animal to sleep.

And the vet hasnt said there is nothing she/he can do has she? So yes at the moment you have a cat limping that could have further painkillers if needed and a possible kidney infection that can mean pain WHILST you make a decision on whether to end its life or not? Bit harsh on the cat iyswim

And you did ask if you were being unreasonable............not everyone is going to pat you on the back and say go for it

Perhaps you actually need to see the cat to appreciate it then........or perhaps he's just lucky that he as me to try and make sure he doesn't suffer for longer than necessary.............I'd definitely rather have me than some of you!!!

My DH and me are not the only people to have seen the cat........friends, family and even the oven cleaning guy today have seen him and said 'poor sod, he's in a right mess'. And AGAIN the vet has said it wouldn't be wrong to have him PTS so no guilt felt here!!!

I also know my DH and yes, I agree with many that it should be his decision and therefore if he wants to try more drugs then he can, but if they do not work then it may mean I 'insist' on it being done as the poor cat can't argue for itself and I won't let him suffer to keep DH happy.....resent me for it or not!!!!

The vet would be advising your dh to put the cat to sleep if she felt the cat was suffering and in pain., there are obviously other options to try first, which your dh needs to do.

I don't think you can insist, that is his decision only.

The only point you should focus on is that this isn't your pet and therefore it's not your decision to make. That should be the end of it. For the sake of everyone involved here, do not get any more involved than you already are.

You perhaps need to not be so rude to people trying to help you here, you've had some good advice, please try to take some of it on board.

(Perhaps you actually need to see the cat to appreciate it then........or perhaps he's just lucky that he as me to try and make sure he doesn't suffer for longer than necessary.............I'd definitely rather have me than some of you!!!)

If I had you as an owner I would have dragged myself off to another house if I was being left in pain when there are possible meds that could help me. No wonder he is wanting to get outside.

You are not prepared to give him meds first. Then see. And you expect your DH to make a decision without all the tests and facts. If they dont work then the VET will tell your DH that nothing is going to work iyswim THEN he will make his decision. Go with him if and when it doesnt work and see what the vet says then. I know I made my own decision to put mine to sleep when she was ready and my DH respected that. Personally I would have hated him if he insisted it to me.

If the new drugs don't work, then I completely agree with you, perhaps somewhat to Oscar's surprise. But not until then.

/

I think that as you are taking care of the cat a lot of the time then you are perfectly entitled to be involved in the decision.

I do think however that if your DP is vehemently opposed to having the cat PTS then you shouldn't insist - it will only make a difficult situation even worse for everyone concerned.

It speaks volumes to me that it was the vet who obviously brought up euthanasia when speaking to your DH during the last consultation - from what you have already said I'm assuming that it wasn't him who mentioned it first.

That, in addition to what she said to you today, makes me think that she is of the opinion that treatment options are pretty limited.

I think that quality of life is most important when thinking about animals. There is always the tendency for people to try to humanise the argument about euthanasia - "How would you feel if you had arthritis, etc, etc..." Animals don't understand what is happening to them and I think in some cases euthanasia is left too late by caring owners who think they are doing the right thing.

Bloody hell, that cat wouldn't have gone to the vet at all if I hadn't 'insisted' on it!!!! Am I wrong for 'insisting' on that then?!?!?! Or is 'insisting' only OK when you all think its OK???

He's on meds because I said they should be tried, they're the ones that the vet expected to work and they don't!!!!!

If DH wants to try the other drugs then that is a decision he can make, that much I will take from this thread.

Very difficult...I had a cat from the age of 5 - then when I was 21 she became weak very quickly. Turned out she had end-stage kidney failure. The vet recommended euthanasia to my Mum (who was looking after her) & Mum did agree with him. I resisted the idea - until the cat jumped on my lap for a fuss and collapsed. I realised that she was indeed suffering & I agreed to have her put to sleep.
Mum still feels bad now because when the injection was about to be given; the cat suddenly struggled as if she just knew what was was happening.
Sadly with animals they can't tell us when they are in pain.

I think I would try the other painkillers just to see - but it must be your DP who makes any decision. Don't try to encourage him or he will blame you. Good luck.

Picture - thank you!! I really must have been rubbish at trying to explain the situ but you've understood it!!! Also yep, its me having to give the meds, its me here with him doing his screaming thing, its me having to watch him hobble about and its me having to moan at DH like a child to deal with the litter trays. None of which is an issue but you're right, I think that all gives me the right to have an opinion on it.

DH isn't vehemently against it, he just dithers and basically doesn't want the guilt of making the decision. The vet won't say it any clearer than she has.....and IMO and as you say, I think she's made it pretty clear!!!

Personally I still wouldn't give him the Tramadol because of the discussion I'v had with the vet but as I've said, I agree from this thread that DH can make that decision.

Insisting is fine when it's in the animal's best interests (and I speak as someone who will totally ignore a human's demands where it's not).

What many of us are saying is that it is not in the cat's best interests to be PTS when there is the chance that an alternative drug might work and therefore YABU to insist that your DH agrees to euthanasia without doing so.

I don't think I can make it any clearer than that.

"his screaming thing".

Thing?

Nice.

That says far more about you than it does the cat or your DH.

In fact, it says it all.

As I said earlier, shameful.

DBF - in that case then we are in agreement. I will insist if needed, but agree DH can choose the Tramadol if he wants.......if they don't work then DH will probably change the goal posts again (he said he'd try these drugs but that's it) but we shall see........

DBF - not 'thing' as in replacement of the word 'cat', but screaming 'thing' as is screaming behaviour.

Think your OH needs to have a serious think about what he feels is right for the cat,with vets guidance. Having an animal PTS is difficult but although its a tough call I think most owners know when the time is right

Sincere apologies, my mistake July.

DBF - accepted, thank you!

((I think that quality of life is most important when thinking about animals. There is always the tendency for people to try to humanise the argument about euthanasia - "How would you feel if you had arthritis, etc, etc..." Animals don't understand what is happening to them and I think in some cases euthanasia is left too late by caring owners who think they are doing the right thing.))

Animals do understand what is happening to them! They know when they are hungry and they know when to find food for their young same reason they know when to make a hideout to have their kittens and they know when it is their time to die and they go off find a quiet spot and do just that. Natures way. They have feelings, they are contented when looked after well and timid or ferocious when they are treated badly. They can sense your mood and stay well clear if you are angry and fuss over you if you are upset. So dont talk rot. Life is a life wether human or animal and if it is going to be taken away then it should be done respectfully animal or human. And no I am not against euthanasia.

Thank you.

Applauds Coff33pot. Very well said.

You might be interested to know that since the Animal Welfare Act was introduced, owners have a legal "duty of care" to any animal they keep. Personally I would take the vet's advice.

Obviously animals have an understanding of the world around them - it would be extremely foolish to suggest otherwise.

I was talking only of their capacity to understand what is happening to them in medical terms - why they suddenly can't go outside when they always have before, why they are suddenly in such pain...