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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed that DN looks just like me?

53 replies

foreverondiet · 24/07/2011 22:56

I have 3 wonderful DC - DD - age 7, and DS1 age 5 and DS2. DS2 is 15 months old.

But they all look like DH, which is fine as I like DH very much Grin. (If its relevant, and I don't know that is is but both DH and I are white/British).

But my D Niece who is 11 months old (so not much younger than my DS2, and almost as big) looks just like me - perhaps not surprising as her Dad (my DB) looks just me as well - our family used to always joke that we (me and DB) had the same face - his friends "recognise" me even if I have never met them as I look so much like him.

Everyone is commenting that she could be my baby, and that she looks the image of me both now and from my baby photos. I held her today and SIL (DN's mum) said it too.

Part of me is annoyed - why couldn't I produce a baby who looks like me, and part of me is a bit Envy. I know I am being totally unreasonable as I have 3 wonderful children. So why does it bother me?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 24/07/2011 22:58

Dunno but make the most of it cos kid's looks change so fast

Garcia10 · 24/07/2011 22:59

I am so pleased for you that this is something that you worry about!

YABU - get a grip.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 24/07/2011 22:59

I have 2 DD's who are the double of their Aunt - so much so that if we are out together they are assumed to be her children.

Not much you can do about it I'm afraid.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 24/07/2011 23:00

My niece was the spitting image of her dad when she was younger. Now she's almost 15 and looks more like her mum.

HildaOgden · 24/07/2011 23:05

Don't take it as looking like you,she just looks like a female version of her Dad (your brother).

razzlebathbone · 24/07/2011 23:07

My niece looks more like me than my own daughter. They were born only six weeks apart. I don't really attach any meaning or value to it, if anything I like that people say my niece is so like me. I have a lovely bond with her.

I think you know you're being unreasonable though.

Original poster
foreverondiet · 24/07/2011 23:08

I know i am being unreasonable.

I guess I am sensitive to it as :

a) When DD was in nursery the teacher asked me if she was adopted as she looks nothing like me. Other people have commented before I thought it was a but insensitive to ask if she was adopted!

b) DH's uncle told DH that DS1 looks more like DH that DH does!

Interesting what you say amazing - perhaps when they are all older my DC will looks like me and DN will look like her mum.

garcia - I'm not seriously worried about it, but am thinking about it after both DB and SIL made comments today when I was holding DN.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 24/07/2011 23:10

Why would her Nursery teacher ask if she was adopted when she would have that information anyway?

pubquizhurtmybrain · 24/07/2011 23:11

The nursery teacher asked you if your DD was adsopted because she doesn't look like you? Hmm

pubquizhurtmybrain · 24/07/2011 23:12

x post worra

DogsBestFriend · 24/07/2011 23:15

If it's any comfort I have 2 DDs - one, I;m told, looks like me (buggered if I can see it but hey ho!) and the other is the image of my ex husband's side of the family. No big deal to me but I was pretty miffed when someone I knew only to say hello to when out dogwalking asked me if they had the same father! Shock

You do kind of get used to it though. Apparently I'm the image of one of my own aunts (and I can see that), but I shouldn't think she's too fussed about it. :)

Original poster
foreverondiet · 24/07/2011 23:15

Nursery teacher (assistant) said (and this was a while ago) - that she was interested to meet DH (he picked DD up one about halfway through year, wasn't common due to his work commitments) as before then she thought that DD might be adopted as she looked nothing like me. Yes I know very rude. And yes she might have known...

But its true, DD looks nothing at all like me and a lot like DH and MIL.

OP posts:
FreudianSlipper · 24/07/2011 23:19

my niece looks just like me and has the same mannerisms

strange thing is my brother and I are only half siblings, we share the same dad, he looks nothing like my dad and is not like him in anyway but I am very much like him and so is my niece, but looks more like me (that is probably down to my dad is asian, i am mixed and so is she)

my ds looks nothing like me, has big brown eyes like me but that is it, still beautiful though :o

pubquizhurtmybrain · 24/07/2011 23:20

That is rude, ShockI can't believe people would comment or ask personal questions about parentage whether that be adoption, same father, surrogate, whatever. Why do people assume they can ask things like this and expect an answer?!

lockets · 24/07/2011 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenEyesandHam · 24/07/2011 23:25

None of my three children look anything at all like me, I did consider having a fourth try but then thought

'No GreenEyes, enough is enough. Admit defeat'

Grin

My daughter allegedly looks like my sister (same colouring). My DD and my niece attend the same school, people (even teachers/TA's) have assumed my sister is my DD's mum

minxofmancunia · 24/07/2011 23:30

dd looks the spit of my sister..doesn't bother me, my sister was always the pretty one! Grin

Ds looks the spit of his Dad not like me AT ALL. I've just accepted that my children look nothing like me but you can SO tell dh is their Dad.

My friend has just had a ds....looks the spit of her....but nothing like her husband his Dad..hmmm Wink

forehead · 25/07/2011 00:44

I have three dcs , NONE of them look like me. In fact my eldest daughter looks like mil , who i cannot stand.

DontCallMePeanut · 25/07/2011 00:49

DS used to be the spit of his uncle. His cousin, as a newborn, was the image of him (but with more hair - DS was bald until 7 months old)

Now DS is the spit of me. It's the first thing any of my friends say the first time they meet him.

AnalAboutCleaning · 25/07/2011 01:08

It is natural she looks like you, and may change - there's a theory that babies look very like their dads, because this encourages fathers to recognize their offspring and bond. She is only very little, she may well look much less like you when she's older!

I think it is really mannerisms that make people look most alike, so when she and your children are bigger you may find people see the resemblances more clearly.

thursday · 25/07/2011 01:26

they change. DS used to look exactly like my brother, but now he looks just like DS. DD is my stunt double so far, but it might not last. the nursery worker was undoubtedly weird, but i have a friend who was forever being told how much she looked like her dad growing up, which is interesting since he's her step dad. people say all sorts and see different things.

breatheslowly · 25/07/2011 08:18

My DN looks quite like me and I thought this was great as I didn't need to have one that looked like me as DB had done this for me. Admittedly I have since had DD and she looks even more like me, so I feel a little sorry for DH. So they have done you a favour as you don't need to keep on going to have one that looks like you.

MrsKravitz · 25/07/2011 08:23

OP I have this too. DN looks so much like me its crazy. More so now she is 16 too.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 25/07/2011 08:31

My DD2 looks (and is in general) just like my sister.

It's lovely, and I think my sis enjoys it too.

Recently she was telling our bro how gorgeous dd2 is now and then he asked who she looked like. She was too embarrassed to say "me!" :o

I think you are being very silly. Your niece a child in your family, it's nice that she looks like you. If you married someone whose genes take over the next generation in terms of appearance, this is your way back into the next generation :o

Enjoy it, a child you love takes after you. It doesn't have to be your child to be special.

Guitargirl · 25/07/2011 08:33

However much it might annoy you, think how much it must also annoy your SIL. Our DD looks a lot like my SIL - although less so as she's getting older but as a baby she was the spitting image. I remember DP and SIL coming back from a walk laughing that a few people had assumed that DD was SIL's. In my hormonal state I thought it was a bit creepy to be honest. Now i just laugh about it but it happens less now anyway. And DS looks more like a mix rather than a clone of DP's family!