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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed that DN looks just like me?

53 replies

foreverondiet · 24/07/2011 22:56

I have 3 wonderful DC - DD - age 7, and DS1 age 5 and DS2. DS2 is 15 months old.

But they all look like DH, which is fine as I like DH very much . (If its relevant, and I don't know that is is but both DH and I are white/British).

But my D Niece who is 11 months old (so not much younger than my DS2, and almost as big) looks just like me - perhaps not surprising as her Dad (my DB) looks just me as well - our family used to always joke that we (me and DB) had the same face - his friends "recognise" me even if I have never met them as I look so much like him.

Everyone is commenting that she could be my baby, and that she looks the image of me both now and from my baby photos. I held her today and SIL (DN's mum) said it too.

Part of me is annoyed - why couldn't I produce a baby who looks like me, and part of me is a bit . I know I am being totally unreasonable as I have 3 wonderful children. So why does it bother me?

OP posts:

iscream · 25/07/2011 08:34

One of my dn's looks like me. My brother and I do look alike so it makes sense. Our sons split it, one looks more like me, the other is all my dh and his mom.

iscream · 25/07/2011 08:35

PS I quite like my niece looking like me!

ENormaSnob · 25/07/2011 08:40

None of my 3 look like me.

Dd looks like mil but that's ok because mil is pretty gorgeous.

vividgingerchilli · 25/07/2011 08:44

You have got no telling what children are going to look like, or whether that will change! My three are just like me but when they were little they were just like their father. I suppose hair colour is a part of it - he has black hair and I have carrot coloured lovely auburn hair and they are all blonde.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 25/07/2011 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

SearchSquad · 25/07/2011 08:52

I am the splitting image of my auntie, only taller. We even share the same mannerisms, although we've always lived continents apart. I always feel a special bond with her.

Esta3GG · 25/07/2011 08:52

This is completely ridiculous.
My youngest looks so much like my DH that you'd think I had no part in his conception at all. My cousins are adopted - people comment on how alike they are when if fact they are from totally diferent birth parents.

None of it matters.

PonceyMcPonce · 25/07/2011 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBolter · 25/07/2011 08:59

Dd1 looks more like my sister than she does me, she also looks a little like my sil. That pisses me off, but not enough to write an AIBU on it!

I think there's a kind of primitive, tribal aspect to your feelings here, they are as instinctive as envy or jealousy - you know you shouldn't feel it but somehow you do! So I don't think you should be jumped on too much here.

Imagine how it feels for your dn's parents!

TandB · 25/07/2011 09:10

Families are a massive mixed-up mess of genetics and resemblances. You just have to accept it and find pleasure in it or else shrug it off. It doesn't matter who looks like who, except possibly where there is real family friction and a resemblance causes upset, but even then there is nothing you can do about it.

My MIL's family have insanely dominant genes - they produce two "types" of men and two "types" of woman. Her older brothers look like they came off a production line, and the younger one and DP, as well as all the male cousins, are the spitting image of each other. I would be very surprised if DS doesn't follow one of those two patterns when he gets older.

On my side, I am freakily like my great-grandmother, to the extent that people think an old picture of her is me in fancy dress posing for one of those old-fashioned photos.

DS currently doesn't look like either me or DP - he has my skin and eye colour but is very, very blonde and we are both dark. He does his dad's expressions though so I am expecting him to get more like him as he grows up.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 25/07/2011 09:19

My oldest looks like their dad and my youngest like my sibling. I find that one a bit weird.

OrangeHat · 25/07/2011 09:29

Both my DDs look just like my MIL. Breastfeeding them was a bit weird! DH and his sisters all look the spit of their mum so that's why. One of his sisters looks just like them as well - most people would think she was their mum rather than me if we were out together.

I do think a little that it would be nice if one of them had just a little of me... But they don't, and they're them, so that's fine.

It must be weird having someone elses child look just like you though! Try to enjoy it rather than be . It is nice, really

TheBolter · 25/07/2011 10:04

I look more like my Granny than I do my mum. My mum should be pissed off that her eldest dd looks more like her mil than her!

Guitargirl · 25/07/2011 10:08

SheCutOffTheirTails - are you this unpleasant to people in real life or is it just on the Internet that you feel it is acceptable to call someone a 'gobshite' for daring to have an opinon that is different to yours?

Allinabinbag · 25/07/2011 10:12

I think I would have less conversations about this in your family, it sounds like it has the potential to upset people (e.g. perhaps your SIL feels a bit upset with everyone pointing out her daughter looks like you and her DH). So, I would be quiet about it if I were you, and spend no more time thinking about this issue which should be a non-issue. It could also upset your own children if you keep going on about it...

CurrySpice · 25/07/2011 10:13

How odd! I would be delighted if one of my DNs looked like me. YABU

springydaffs · 25/07/2011 11:46

Lucky you OP. My children look nothing like me at all, you could never in a million years put us together and there is no evidence on any level that my DNA went into creating them. In fact, nobody anywhere looks anything like me and I would love to see some resemblence somewhere in the family. My neice used to look like me and I was ridiculously chuffed but now she looks the spit of her mother. Maybe when my kids have kids I'm in with a chance

ShowOfHands · 25/07/2011 11:51

My dd could be me in miniature. My childhood photos may as well be of her too. We are frighteningly similar. DH gets fed up with all the 'is it the milkman's?' comments. He finds it's only a problem when anybody comments. He's not remotely bothered.

Oddly though, my niece is very, very like me too. I put a picture of her on fb from a day out we had recently and everybody said 'gosh she's like you'. Thing is, we're not actually related. Poor child.

Ephiny · 25/07/2011 11:52

I don't understand you being annoyed that your DN looks like you . It's not weird at all, given that she's your brother's daughter therefore a close relative (maybe would be a bit odd if she was a random stranger's child!). Anyway surely that's a separate issue from whether your own kids look like you or not?

People are rude to comment and ask if your children are adopted (whether they are or not is really none of their business!). But otherwise don't get why it matters. Also there is more to 'taking after' a parent than looks - as they grow up and start to develop their own individual personalities, you might start to see your influence there (for better or worse!).

activate · 25/07/2011 11:56

babies tend to look like their fathers so they won't reject them

they change

they will look like themselves eventually

superjobee · 25/07/2011 11:57

my DD was the double of my sis, in fact ppl generally thought DD was my sisters till she was about 2!

now DD is older she looks exactly like my mum the spitting image of her. nothing like me at all or her dad.

my half brother looks more like my than my 'full' sister even tho we only share a dad.

its mental!

scarletfingernail · 25/07/2011 14:58

You said that your brother and yourself look very alike, so surely you could just as easily say that his daughter looks like her father? So YABU.

The fact that none of your children look like you is a seperate issue (not that I think it is an issue) Though I do think people are rude to comment, especially to ask about adoption.

Andrewofgg · 25/07/2011 16:39

OP if this is your biggest worry then lucky old you. She's got your genes. Be please, and if you can't be pleased, forget it.

Onemorning · 25/07/2011 20:44

YABU.

I don't have kids - might not be able to have kids - and have been told DN looks like me. It makes me very happy.

mamas12 · 25/07/2011 21:42

I can understand what you feel. Mine look like their dad and I was also asked if my dd was adopted! My nieces look like me though (smile) and I look like mu Aunt. It's just fahmlies innit.

Once the dcs said you have to another baby mum to get one with curly hair like you. They know cos everyone comments on it.

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