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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to help my sis buy drugs?

44 replies

creamola · 24/07/2011 16:12

DSis is 51 and was given a hystorectmy 2.5 years ago which plunged her into a deep depression and anxiety.

She no longer works due to this and spends most of the day in bed.

She has been treated with diazapam on and off, and everytime it seems to be working the GP's stop it on the grounds that it is not a long term fix.

She has recently turned to drink and is basically getting drunk every day to 'cope'.

When she gets diazapam she stops drinking instantly.

Anyhoo.......she has asked me if I can get her some (I know some shady characters & she doesn't).

I'm at a complete loss as to whether to help or not? I'd rather she was on medication than getting drunk as it is ruining her life and pulling her family apart.

I can't think objectively enough so would appreciate some second opinions.

OP posts:
slightlyunbalanced · 24/07/2011 16:13

I think you need to Google your nearest Drug and Alcohol Advisory Service, or AA.

Esta3GG · 24/07/2011 16:13

No. Don't. It is a slippery slope. Get her to a doctor.

MonsterBookOfTysons · 24/07/2011 16:15

Isnt Diazapam addictive and that's why they cant prescribe it long term. I do think YABU and that is coming from someone with an alcoholic mother.
Swapping one addiction for another addiction will not help your sister. She needs to tell her GP about the alcohol and how she feels she needs a more permanent anti d drug.

sleepindogz · 24/07/2011 16:16

the drug and advisory service is pretty hopeless if you need urgent help to be honest. You have to jump through a lot of hoops before you get any real help :( and the average GP is not always a great deal of practical help

you have to do what you have to do sometimes

Original poster
creamola · 24/07/2011 16:16

thanks slightly everyone has been trying to get help from that direction and she is on various waiting lists (and has been for months now) but nothing has been forthcoming.

I suppose I'm getting panicky as I've noticed a rapid decline over the last month Sad

OP posts:
lalabaloo · 24/07/2011 16:16

I think you need to get in touch with someone who can help her more long term, neither drinking nor taking diazepam long term will help her. Please try and get her some help from an organisation that specialises in situations like these. But she may be reluctant to get help, you need to try and encourage her but don't force her if she is adamant she doesn't have a problem. If you could speak to her GP you could raise your concerns, if she doesn't want any other help. I'm sorry you are in this really difficult situation

Hassled · 24/07/2011 16:17

Go to the GP with her and talk this through - there has to be a compromise drug somewhere. Something between alcohol and diazapam, I mean. There has to be a long term fix out there - it's not good enough to withdraw a drug she feels she needs without a viable alternative. And there is a vast range of ADs available.

Is she having any counselling?

follyfoot · 24/07/2011 16:17

And then she'd become dependent on diazepam instead....Its the root of the problem she needs to tackle, swapping one addiction for another wont help her. Supporting her to get professional help is what you should be doing, not enabling her addictions.

Empusa · 24/07/2011 16:17

She needs to be on an anti-depressant if anything. Not diazepam.

Of course she stops drinking when she's taking diazepam, it's a not dissimilar sensation IME. Taking it all the time will not help her anymore than drinking will.

suburbophobe · 24/07/2011 16:18

You can't enable your sister, you might even be putting yourself at risk (police, etc.).

slightlyunbalanced · 24/07/2011 16:18

sleepingdogz - depends where you live. Al Anon has a really good website too and may have helpline numbers so you can at least talk to someone today.

Esta3GG · 24/07/2011 16:20

Is her depression hormone related?
Following the hysterectomy she has been thrust into surgical menopause (no fun I can tell you from personal experience). Although I would never advocate HRT for the long term it might assist with getting her back on track.
Either way she needs proper medical help not some hooky gear from one of your dealer mates - eventhough you are doing it with the best of intentions.

TheLadyEvenstar · 24/07/2011 16:20

Don't under any circumstances buy her Diazapam. My dad was disabled and after 1 operation was prescribed it. Our GP of the time never reviewed his medication and there was quite a lot of it tbh. Diazapam was one of the contributing factors to him having an internal bleed which led to emergency life saving surgery, during which the doctors lost him and had to bring him back iyswim?

Please for the love of god don't help her get addicted to these.

FilthyDirtyHeathen · 24/07/2011 16:21

Oh God, what a dilemma. On balance though, her getting hooked on diazepam isn't going to help in the long run. It is another crutch and one which could land you in a pile of poo for procuring the stuff illicitly - although the chances of that happening are probably quite slim, this sort of thing is going on all over the place and very few people ever get caught.

If it were me I would be taking my sister down to the GP and asking for some help in the form of counselling or support in getting off the booze. I have some relatives going through a very similar situation with their mother, she is currently in rehab after a couple of horrendous years of self-medicating with alcohol.

Ultimately though you can only do so much, she has to make the decision to seek help and deal with whatever is causing the depression and making her want the numbness of pills and booze.

God love you both, I hope you get it sorted.

glitteryturd · 24/07/2011 16:21

I put a post on today about my alcoholic friend and he was put on diazepam also but then swiftly taken off them too. They really worked for him, they stopped him from drinking but if he couldn't get to them he did have a bit of a strop and it scared me a little.

The only person they gave hope to was us, the friends and family.

As for you issue, I fully understand it and if it was me then I would do it cos I think drink is worse. But that is a purely emotional reason, not a right or wrong one

I feel you pain, my friend is like my brother and my heart goes out to you

TheLadyEvenstar · 24/07/2011 16:21

Lets not forget Diazapam was first marketed as Valium.

FilthyDirtyHeathen · 24/07/2011 16:26

Esta3GG mentioned hormones. I shoud add that the relative I referred to above was going through menopause when all this started and has just discovered she is hyperthyroid - I have this myself and the symptoms can be very unpleasant - the balance of your mood/mind can be thrown out completely.

Original poster
creamola · 24/07/2011 16:26

thanks for the replies

she did get couselling and that was helping but after she used up her alloted 8 weeks it stopped (that's all you get?)

Her Gp is aware of the problem and is trying to get a daily support thing in place at which point she has said she will prescribe diazapam again but this may take another two months or so to be put in place.

It just makes you feel so bloody helpless to see someone who was always in control change almost overnight

OP posts:
FilthyDirtyHeathen · 24/07/2011 16:31

What sort of counselling was she getting? Was it CBT?

Original poster
creamola · 24/07/2011 16:35

No flithy she was interested in CBT but you had to attend the therapist and she required home visits so, im not exactly sure what you would classify it as?

OP posts:
NurseSunshine · 24/07/2011 16:36

Sounds as though she needs to be on anti depressants not tranquilisers. The right one would help with her anxiety as well.

From my own personal point of view (not necessarily right) if she was really suffering and drinking heavily I would possibly get her some to tide her over until she got to the GP again (ASAP) and got herself a script for ADs. Has he never suggested them?

2rebecca · 24/07/2011 16:38

Swapping alcohol for diazepam is just swapping 1 addiction for another. Some GPs will give a benzodiazepine in a short reducing dose to alcoholics to help them come off, as do many alcohol addictions units. Your GP won't want to just become your sister's supplier of tax funded drugs rather than the off license though. She needs help to live without numbing her senses.
Benzodiazepines just make depression worse. If she is 51 she is past the average age of menopause anyway so even if she hadn't had the hysterectomy may have been postmenopausal by now, that's assuming she had her ovaries removed with her uterus. Blaming an operation 2 1/2 years ago for your drinking does sound like an alcoholic wanting to shift the blame. It may have made her feel low, but it won't have made her start drinking.
If she has only been an alcoholic for under 3 years and before that was drug and alcohol free then she should be able to stop with the help of the addictions service, and shouldn't need permanent benzos to keep her off the booze. she probably needs antidepressants (once she stops drinking they don't work whilst you drink) and a psychologist though.

Original poster
creamola · 24/07/2011 16:46

2rebecca she never drunk at all before this, the most I have ever seen her drink was two quantro (sp?) and lemonades at xmas which is why it has been such a shock.

They have her on AD's and I think 4 different types thus far due to allergies and adverse side effects (this is not unexpected as she has always had problems with all types of pills).

OP posts:
FilthyDirtyHeathen · 24/07/2011 16:55

I don't know what sort of therapy would work best. Perhaps CBT perhaps something else. 8 weeks was certainly not enough to help her get an insight on what she is blocking out with the booze and diazepam. Is private theraphy out of the question? Some therapists offer a sliding fee scale for people on low income.

MrsBB1982 · 24/07/2011 17:03

Can I ask why she had a hysterectomy - might be relevant to why she became so depressed.
Are all her issues definitely after the hysterectomy or with the benefit of hindsight were there early signs of something before?
Whatever you do - don't get her diazepam. It will not do her any good and as many have already said will just swap one addiction for another. People find them incredibly difficult to stop. She needs to get to the bottom of what set off her illness.
You mention she was interested in CBT but needs 'home visits' - why is this?