What is wrong with me?

[FiremanSamsMum]

I need some harsh talking to - seriously!

I'm 34yo, mum of a 2yr, ok to look at - I wont stop traffic but I get by- 5'8, 10.5 stones, passable shape, well educated, well adjusted person and I just cant seem to find a man I want.

I date quite a bit because I'm on a dating site and I get quite a few emails. I just want a sane man who is educated, self assured, can hold his own and is not overwhelmed by me. Tall, goodlooking and fit will be a big plus too...:)

Yet, when I do meet these men on dates, they are either overwhelmed by me, or we are not at par socially. [When I say at par socially - I mean - is highly educated, cultured, a bit posh :), is not fazed by trappings of wealth etc]

Its doing my head in, honestly. I am also incredibly empathetic and I try to treat everyone as I would love to be treated so even if they are not what I want - I am nice and polite and go through with the dates. They want to see me again and I do not. Some fall for me and get hurt when I say they are not what I want. I'm not a bad person but I want to be with a man because I respect and fancy him and its mutual.

Why cant I find a good fit for me, man wise? I want a man who is comfortable with himself, can go to any upscale bar or restaurant and not feel out of place or inadequate. I also want him to be kind, honest, hardworking, respect everyone and a good person.

Is this too much to ask? Where are all the men gone?

A dating site is probably not the best of places to meet "him" but it seems the whole world and the brother are on dating sites so why havent I found someone?

It's almost as if I'm doomed to not meet a man within the social bracket I am in.

Please talk some sense into me!!!!

[LineRunner]

It's because of things like this that I have stopped participating in discussions

When was that? You've posted more words on this thread than I have.

[dickiedavisthunderthighs]

OP is a man. Bet you any money.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

ILoveThinLizzy... Yep, didn't see the first post, just the second and thought that Worra was taking the mick out of being referred to as 'Madam'. I don't think that Worra was hounding the OP though, that's down to just one on this thread who seems to be talking to herself (still) now.

It just goes to show how what you write in your OP can shape a whole thread. FiremanSamsMum is probably a very nice lady but that didn't come across in her first post very well.

I absolutely agree that you've got the right of reply (and initial comment); it's better if you do anyway because it givs the opportunity to say your piece and correct wrong assumptions. Some posters though go a bit too far I think.

My husband takes the credit for my username, I couldn't think of one, but I like it too, thanks!

[LineRunner]

ThinLizzy I got deleted. I said I was being harsh because I though the OP was faking it in one way or another, and that was why.

[CupcakesandTwunting]

I got deleted too but it's because I said that the OP was lovely and didn't deserve to be piled on by this nest of vipers. Honest.

[LineRunner]

Yes, and I came clean towards the end of my post and admitted that I'm jealous, envious, stupid and ugly and that the reason that I'm single and sad is because I'm not as lovely as the OP and that I never will be.

[sleepindogz]

sorry to disappoint but a degree doesnt mean you are clever or anything of the sort (and yes i have a degree)

any tom dick or harry can obtain a degree if they put in the work. Saying it's a measure of intelligence is absurd

[LineRunner]

Sleepin, hi, I agree, I think that the thing that matters always is (to use a wanky phrase, sorry) emotional intelligence.

[Happygomummy]

Linerunner and Twunts

at least you both have a razorsharp sense of humour

life is not all bad.

[CupcakesandTwunting]

Who doesn't have a degree in this country nowadays, ffs?

[LineRunner]

Apparently, me.

[Happygomummy]

some of the most stupid people i have met have degrees, sometimes from Oxbridge, and worked in the City

some of the brightest ones i have met have no academic or educational qualifications

A piece of paper is no measure of intelligence and you would have to be quite daft to state otherwise.

that said, you have to start somewhere in order to at least attempt to meet someone you are likely to click with, so an overlap in "educational background" is a good, though often futile, place to start.

in my case, I have a PhD but my DH dropped out of uni so no degree. he is the smartest person i know however, and it mattered not a bit that he had no degree.

i have a feeling the OP may feel the same way - it's all about meeting someone, somehow, that you connect with.

[MrsKravitz]

God, OP , SO open your eyes. I have 3 postgraduate degrees, am a university lecturer and my DH hasnt even got his gcse's. He is intelligent and a fabulous business man. Im so glad I didnt discount him on what he did and what education he had when I first met him.

[LineRunner]

I think that people who are like the OP (choosing my words carefully here!)would do better without the affectations?

Good qualities in a partner:

Honesty; integrity; humour; sense of worth.

Not-so-good qualities in a partner:

Self-delusion; false self-deprecation; brittleness.

All the rest - irrelevant.

[NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe]

i think i made a good point about the ownign of a degree.
but noone ever reads my posts. :(

[LineRunner]

Nearly some good points just get lost in the mists of time.

[NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe]

not the point.

[NearlyHeadlessnickelbabe]

but yours got deleted so nuuur!

[LineRunner]

Ah, it's the uncouth radical in me....

[AmaraDresden]

I don't see a Madam Amara in here, but if you're referring to me then, LOLZ! I did understand your post, you complained that you couldn't find a man to match you in class, intelligence and wealth. It was your tone, which gave a very obvious impression of what is making these men avoid you.

You claim to be many things and yet your posts show something else. Classy and intelligent you may be in the flesh, but even I can see that your education wasn't top notch.

I'm glad that my decent, hard working DP will never be within your sight, it leaves decent men for the rest of working class illiterates.

[hairfullofsnakes]

I have had a lot of fun reading this

The op does NOT come across well at all...

[ZacharyQuack]

YANBU, it must be simply dreadful to be so gorgeous, smart and posh and not be able to find a suitable mate.

Have you considered getting an Australian cricket player and polishing him up a bit?

[Orbinator]

I'd try abroad. I'd class myself the same as you - same weight and 5'9 (before pg anyway), reasonably educated, good sense of humour etc. Loads of friends, own house, yada yada. Couldn't find a decent man for love nor money. Ended up using a donor so that I wouldn't waste any more time vetting men, staying with them for a year or so of my fertile life before realising it wasn't a great fit etc. Obv lots more to my decision but in essence I wasn't going to wait around for a man I wasn't sure existed.

However it does seem that men from other countries are far happier to snap up the desirable women from UK than the majority our own males, left over as unmarried at the age of 35+, who seem to like the easier option of a short skirted bimbo who isn't likely to challenge them on much, but get on and do the housework. All the good ones are unfortunately usually taken or have muchos baggage. So it's compromise or look elsewhere I think!