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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with my husband booking me a GP appoinment

107 replies

notsostrong · 21/07/2011 22:06

He thinks my depression is back, I think he is right but i am trying to cope without them.

4 weeks ago i was on 30mg of citapram but i came off them without seeing the doctor.

He said "i am becoming very worried", as i am going back to where i was 6-7 months ago. where i was at my lowest.

he has just told me this over the phone, and he book the appoinment on wednesday. so my appoinment is now tomorrow.

aibu to be pissed off he has gone behind my back

OP posts:
NestaFiesta · 22/07/2011 11:13

Living with someone who has Depression is very hard. Perhaps OP, your DH wants you to get help because HE is finding it tough too.

There was a poster in a psychiatric waiting room I was once in. The poster said "you don't have to be mentally ill to be affected by mental illness" Some bright spark had written on there "but it helps!".

What I'm saying is that it's not just you who suffers when you make an arbitrary decision to stop Anti D's cold turkey.

PlentyOfPubgardens · 22/07/2011 11:14

'but I still needed him to phone for me when I asked'

The bolded bit is very important. The OP didn't ask and her DH didn't ask her if he could. He went behind her back and then took a whole day to even tell her. As I said, I think it's probably a very good idea if she does go back to the GP. I also think her DH probably did this with the best of intentions. Nevertheless, she has every right to feel extremely pissed off.

ZillionChocolate · 22/07/2011 11:14

Hope this goes well for you. There is no shame in taking ADs and going cold turkey can be really unpleasant.

PlentyOfPubgardens · 22/07/2011 11:15

I'm pleased you went back notsostrong. Hope you feel better soon.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/07/2011 11:20

Are you happy with that, notsostrong? Did you want your husband to speak to the GP with you?

valiumredhead · 22/07/2011 11:23

Was there any talk about a referal for counselling OP?

Original poster
notsostrong · 22/07/2011 11:31

tbh i don't know how i am feeling about it. I didn't ask for counsilling but the GP said it is avaliable if i choose to take that option

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 22/07/2011 11:39

There is strong evidence to suggest that counselling combined with anti d's works better than anti d's alone - might be worth looking into? I'm glad you went for the appt and hope you are feeling better soon. It's rotten feeling poorly x

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/07/2011 11:39

I think it's important that you are comfortable with what happened. Making you the appointment seemed fair enough to me, but I'm not sure if I'd have been happy to have my DH crash my meeting with the doc. Feeling powerless isn't particularly helpful when dealing with depression. Do you feel that you were able to express yourself? Were your comments listened to, do you think?

WoTmania · 22/07/2011 11:49

YABU - he's obviously worried. Citaloprma is awful to come off slowly, just stopping them would play havoc with your mental health I would have thought.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 11:50

Well I hope you feel better soon.

MightyQuim · 22/07/2011 11:58

I'm glad the OP is getting help but I feel quite angry that it seems to be the prevailing opinion that if you have depression you lose the right to make your own decisions. Yes the OP could have refused to go to to the appointment - in which case why didn't her dh just tell her he thought she could do with making an appointment at the gp instead of going behind her back? I had anxiety alongside my depression and visits to the doctor made me very anxious. DH forcing the issue by springing an appointment on me out of the blue would have made my anxiety rocket. Thankfully he supported me until I was ready to make that step myself.
I don't think the op's dh (however well meaning) has gone about this well at all and the OP has every right to feel betrayed.

valiumredhead · 22/07/2011 12:24

Well, OHs don't always get it right, perhaps it's been a hellish time for him recently and he thought he was doing the best thing. I am only just begining to realise just how hard it was for my dh when was ill as it's only 5 years on that we are able to talk about it without me feeling that he is 'getting at me.'

NestaFiesta · 22/07/2011 12:29

Valium is right. It is very hard for a spouse to look after a depressed partner. Voice of experience here. You may be angry with your DH at the moment OP but I can assure you it's no picnic for him either.

bruffin · 22/07/2011 12:40

"Valium is right. It is very hard for a spouse to look after a depressed partner. Voice of experience here. You may be angry with your DH at the moment OP but I can assure you it's no picnic for him either"

Another in agreement with Valium. Depressions affects everyone around you even the children.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 12:54

curiousmama - thanks for your concern.

And no I am not 100%. But I am doing OK. And happier for knowing that my mood does not rely on ads. I'm sorry if I sounded angry but it seemed to me that it is never a good idea for a spouse to assume responsibility for their spouses health without being asked to do so. Depression does not = reversion to childhood and the OP still has rights.

BTW being cross about something doesn't make me mentally fragile. It simply means that I am cross. Sometimes that is the right response.

valiumredhead · 22/07/2011 14:16

Well it completely depends how ill the person is and how much the illness is affecting family life as to wether it's appropriate for a spouse to assume repsonsibility imo.

valiumredhead · 22/07/2011 14:20

And of COURSE the OP has rights I don't think anyone has suggested otherwise but her dh didn't handcuff and force her to go to the GP ( I hope!) he made his wife an appt as he was concerned about her.

CinnabarRed · 22/07/2011 14:26

"BTW being cross about something doesn't make me mentally fragile. It simply means that I am cross. Sometimes that is the right response."

YY Omirian!

Drives me crackers when DH asks if I'm upset about something because my PND is coming back. No, DH, it's because that something was worth getting upset about. Some things are.

valiumredhead · 22/07/2011 14:29

When I had PND I was extremely touchy and took great exception to perfectly normal everyday occurances like my dh being concerned enough to ask if I was ok as I was upset Wink

AuntiePickleBottom · 22/07/2011 14:36

i think there is a major diffrence between someone recovery from depression and just having a bad day/ upset.......to living with someone where every day is a bad day iygwim

PlentyOfPubgardens · 22/07/2011 15:08

I think you need to be a bit careful extrapolating from your own experience valium. I know what you're on about - when I'm depressed, I can be extremely defensive with people who show concern, but at other times I've had perfectly legitimate feelings (with actual, real life causes) brushed off as part of my mental health problems - even when I'm well! Just a history of MH issues can be enough for some people to discredit what you're saying.

Similarly with the issue of a DH 'taking responsibility' (i.e. taking responsibility away from the unwell person). In your case, all well and good - you'd trust your DH to do this in your best interests. OP isn't married to your DH though and we don't really know anything about her situation. Partners are often part of the problem. OP's DH didn't discuss this with her but just went ahead and made the appointment then waited a whole day to even tell her. He then came in with her - she says she doesn't know how she feels about this. She has also said, 'knowing my husband he will get me there if i like it or not'. I hope he does have her best interests at heart but I'm a little bit Hmm

Living with somebody who's depressed is shit, I won't deny that (been there too) but nobody has the right to take responsibility away from somebody unless they are a danger to themselves or others, in which case the MHA comes into play. Quite right too, IMO.

valiumredhead · 22/07/2011 15:38

Errrrr it was a light hearted comment hence the wink.

valiumredhead · 22/07/2011 15:40

And my dh never took responsibility for my health - I'm not sure where you have got that from plenty

Curiousmama · 22/07/2011 15:40

Glad to hear you're on the up Ormirian Smile

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