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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with my husband booking me a GP appoinment

107 replies

notsostrong · 21/07/2011 22:06

He thinks my depression is back, I think he is right but i am trying to cope without them.

4 weeks ago i was on 30mg of citapram but i came off them without seeing the doctor.

He said "i am becoming very worried", as i am going back to where i was 6-7 months ago. where i was at my lowest.

he has just told me this over the phone, and he book the appoinment on wednesday. so my appoinment is now tomorrow.

aibu to be pissed off he has gone behind my back

OP posts:
bruffin · 21/07/2011 22:43

i have been in your DH's place and have booked appointments for DH. They now do CBT counselling over the internet on the NHS if that will help

valiumredhead · 21/07/2011 22:43

Why wouldn;t the GP take you seriously. Sleep well and update tomorrow after you've been to the GP :)

squeakytoy · 21/07/2011 22:44

Dont be scared to go back, the doctor will want to help you get better, and your husband will be with you too, which will help if you are struggling with what to say, or worried that your speech will be a problem.

BrummieMummie · 21/07/2011 22:47

Try not to be scared of going back to the doctor, they are there to help you feel better. I think it's great that your husband is going with you to support you as well. Smile

IntotheNittyGritty · 21/07/2011 22:47

the fact that he has booked an appointment says to me that he is extremely concerned about you.

you may be dont realise how badly you are coming across, but he is living with you.

write down all the issues, have him do the same, so that you can have a constructive conversation.

good luck!

AuntiePickleBottom · 22/07/2011 00:43

what a good husband you have...please OP go to the doctors and get the tablets again.

If you had to take insuling to control diabeties...you would.
If you needed to have any other medication you would take it.

you have a MH problem and you need to get it sorted, there is no magic cure for depression and you need to control your illness.

one day you will be free from the tablet, you need to give them time to work

MightyQuim · 22/07/2011 01:04

I think your dh has your best interests at heart but YANBU OP as I know going to the GP was a massive thing for me when I had depression and I wouldn't have appreciated dh springing an appointment on me without my knowledge that I wasn't prepared for. I think your dh should have talked to you about making an appointment first and supported you when you were ready but as it's made if you can bring yourself to go I'm sure it will help.

scottishmummy · 22/07/2011 01:05

no.he lives with you sees this 1st hand,worried

itisnearlysummer · 22/07/2011 07:50

Don't be scared to go back.

Your husband can see a change in you. Don't be frightened of being on tablets.

I was first prescribed anti ds about 15 years ago. I've never completed a treatment because I felt that I didn't need the tablets anymore, I was embarrassed to go back, felt incapable of going back because the tablets weren't working etc. In that time, I've been prescribed anti ds on about 4 or 5 different occasions.

15 years on, I am on another course and am determined to see it through. I went back to the GP this week (ignoring the embarrassment stage!) and I feel so positive that this time it is going to work.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Good luck.

Pancakeflipper · 22/07/2011 07:58

He's a brave man your husband. He knows you could scream blue murder and refuse to go, creating a divide between you.

Please go. Coming off anti-d's should be done under Dr supervision for support. And very gradually. The best results for anti-d's is being on them for 2 yrs ( in fixing those bridges in the brain). But most people don't take them for this long but deffo try for at least 6-9 months.

Good luck at the Dr's. And don't worry about saying you stopped the meds. They have heard it all before and they know it's often part of the process. People do this when feeling stronger. Take care.

alliwant · 22/07/2011 08:03

I made an appointment for my husband earlier in the year. He was a state, not coping. It was the best thing I could do. When your partner is depressed the whole family becomes strained and blue. It sounds like he loves you and is worried, thats a good thing. Use your docs appointment to reassess and formulate a plan and time scale to come off them so you feel in control and its gradual and managed.

Good luck hon x

jeckadeck · 22/07/2011 08:11

Agree with the other posters. He is worried about you and while I can see its frustrating to have someone go behind your back, ultimately he's done it for good reasons. You should never come off antidepressants without supervision, if you don't mind me saying so its a stupid thing to do and he is therefore totally within his rights to call the doctor about this.

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 08:30

Much as I dislike my husband saying it, I know that due to my depression and PTSD I find it very difficult to rationalise and make the rightdecisions at the moment. Sad
It sucks, but like the other posters, it sounds like he is just trying to help you get better. Hope your GP is helpful and listens to you. Smile
I'm on Citalopram 10 mg, and it seems to be working now. Was on 40mg before stopping to TTC 4 years ago and it took me 3 months to wean off.
keep fighting x

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 08:32

No you are NOT!

I am in the same position as you and I would kill my DH if he dared to do that. I know i get bad days but the good days are getting more frequent. He has no right to dictate the way you treat your MH. Twat! Angry

InTheNightKitchen · 22/07/2011 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loonytoonie · 22/07/2011 08:50

What were you like at your lowest point OP? Remind yourself how bad you were, and remember that caring and living with someone with this illness is incredibly stressful. Your DH husband is showing you some tough love. He needs you to be well. Of course, you could take it that he's controlling, maybe he is - it's impossible to say without more history, but I'd more say that he's scared you're going to slide again and is frightened.

Should it be him with the history OP, you'd pick up the phone and make the call too, wouldn't you OP? I would.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/07/2011 08:52

YABU. And I say that as someone who lives with depression. There is no harm in him making the appointment to show you that he's concerned. Unless he's going to throw you over his shoulder and drag you there he can't make you go. I expect he thought he was helping. Personally, if DH did this, I'd go to the appointment even if all I said was 'My husband has made me come'. Did you feel well when you stopped taking your tablets? How do you feel now? Be honest.

TattyDevine · 22/07/2011 08:54

I think if you are adamant you want to come off them, then that's fine, that should be your decision.

Where your doctor can help is he or she can put you on a lower dose that you gradually reduce. Otherwise you can either feel like killing someone or feel like killing yourself! Its this rebound effect as your brain chemicals balance up and it can be dangerous or at best unpleasant.

Perhaps that's all your husband wants - to see you do it safely under supervision. Rather than simply making you go back on them.

But if he has been noticing ill-effects, it is just as likely to be rebound as depression returning, but its really hard to know unless you come off "properly"

That said if you are 4 weeks into withdrawal you might be nearly there. See the doc, get some reassurance either way! Even if they want you to go back on them, its still your decision.

OracleInaCoracle · 22/07/2011 08:59

Dh did this for me when I had pnd. I was horrified and offended that he was calling me a nutter (he wasn't) and disgusted that he being so controlling (he wasn't) but its very hard living with someone who is depressed.

Dhs last straw came when I'd not bathed or dressed for over a week, handed ds over to him when he got in from work, wqent outside barefoot in torrential rauin (in jammies too) and he found me standing on the interchange bridge with bleeding feet. At the time I was disgusted with him. After all, I had it under control and how dare he think that he knows best.

But, he really did.

OracleInaCoracle · 22/07/2011 08:59

Dh did this for me when I had pnd. I was horrified and offended that he was calling me a nutter (he wasn't) and disgusted that he being so controlling (he wasn't) but its very hard living with someone who is depressed.

Dhs last straw came when I'd not bathed or dressed for over a week, handed ds over to him when he got in from work, wqent outside barefoot in torrential rauin (in jammies too) and he found me standing on the interchange bridge with bleeding feet. At the time I was disgusted with him. After all, I had it under control and how dare he think that he knows best.

But, he really did.

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 09:20

It is not controlling, it is showing love,care, and sometimes infinite patience.
Yes it is our mental health, and although the good days sometimes outweigh the bad, the OP said she was 'back to where she was'
People on here bandy about the word 'controlling' as if it applies to every situation.
I repeat - 'When you have depression, you can't always think rationally, and don't always know what's best for you.
I am amazed sometimes that my DH is still here. But he is, because he loves me, and wants me to feel better.
Angry at people throwing 'controlling' in. Get over yourselves.

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 09:22

lissielou been there, so true. Smile

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 09:26

Well lissie, that was you. And yes I have been in that sort of place too but how do you know the OP is there now?

I came off 20 of citalopram about 7 weeks ago. It took me a month to stop the weird physical symptoms. And the mood swings kicked in about 3 weeks after I stopped. They have by and large gone I still get bad days but not often and I am also getting good days, fantastic days! I am feeling normal - not on an floating cloud of rosiness as I was on the ad, not a screaming ranting wreck as I was before i started them, just normal.

There is nothing wrong with taking ADs when you need them. But how do you know if you still need them if you never stop. Like taking antibiotics because you had a bug - you don't keep taking them just in case.

And as for coming off them gradually - well i've done that too and it was just as shitty as coming off them straight. Difference being the GP was in control not me. Sometimes the 'big gesture' helps! Saying 'I am going to stop NOW. I am doing it and I am going to make it OK' really really makes a difference. I feel as if I have acheived something wonderful - drug free for the first time in 3 years and I am still HERE!

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 09:28

4 weeks is still very early days. at 4 weeks DH probably though I was back to where I was too. But he was wrong. But clearly he knew better than me did he?

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 09:32

but that is why she is going back to the GP. To talk about it, and decide what to do. She won't be put in a strait jacket and injected with the stuff!!!!
It's surely better to go and have a frank discussion with the GP and her Dh, than just to say I'm fine. F off..!
And yes, again sometimes other people do know better than us when we have depression. Angry