Page 3 | to be pissed off with my husband booking me a GP appoinment

notsostrong · 2011-07-21T21:06:10+00:00

He thinks my depression is back, I think he is right but i am trying to cope without them. 4 weeks ago i was on 30mg of citapram but i came off them without seeing the doctor. He said "i am becoming very worried", as i am going back to where i was 6-7 months ago. where i was at my lowest. he has just told me this over the phone, and he book the appoinment on wednesday. so my appoinment is now tomorrow. aibu to be pissed off he has gone behind my back

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 09:33

And she said in her OP that she thinks he is right, that her depression has come back, not that she is just weaning off them with side effects.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 09:36

Well when the OP is ready to go she can go!

IME the GP will tell her to take a lower dose because they don't have huge interest in or experience of MH issues. ADs - one of the NHS cure-alls. She will feel pressured into going back on the drugs when she has made a decision to stop. And I repeat I never had an easy ride coming of cit - NEVER, regardless of how slowly i did it. There is always a point where you have to actually stop taking the stuff and that was when it got bad. My GP even told me that 'some people never come off'. And you have to ask why that is.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 09:37

At 4 weeks I would have thought the depression was back if I hadn't had earlier experience to tell my otherwise.

iceandsliceplease · 22/07/2011 09:40

I think YABU, but only because you're not well. Your DH loves you, is concerned about you and wants you to get better. Coming off 30mg of Citalopram 'cold turkey' is not a good idea, and I suspect you know that. I think your DH could have handled it better (perhaps telling you before he made the appointment), but he's trying to help you. Don't be scared about going back to the GP, and don't think you've failed in some way. You're ill. You need some help to get better. You will get better.

TBH I wish DP would book me a GPs appointment. I've been saying for months that I know I need to go back on the ADs, that I will go and see the doctor, that I'm not coping etc, but yet I just can't get myself together to pick up the phone to make the appointment. I don't know why I can't, I just can't. Frustrating for me and those around me.

Curiousmama · 22/07/2011 09:41

op do the citalopram work when you take them? You shouldn't have come off them like that tbh. I'm on them and in no hurry to come off them. I have come off them before but ended up back on them when I had a lot of stress. Mine are for panic disorder. If you had a heart problem, diabetes etc.. you'd take meds wouldn't you? There's nothing wrong with being on meds for depression or any other mental illness.

Your dh sounds lovely by the way.

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 09:43

OK Ormirian obviously you know best, and your situation and experience must be exactly the same as the OP's.
Must be nice to be right all the time.

Never mind that a lot of people on this thread have said that in our experience we didn't always make the most balanced, rational decisions...

ImperialBlether · 22/07/2011 09:47

I used to have to do this for my (then) husband. If you live with someone who has a problem with depression, you do become finely attuned to how well they are.

You came off the tablets far too quickly and that isn't good for you. You were on quite a high dose and should have come off them slowly. Unfortunately it sounds as if now you're paying the price for that.

Your husband loves you and will hate seeing you suffer from depression. Sometimes it's good to relinquish control over your illness - go to the doctor and do exactly what he/she says. You are ill. If you had a different illness, you wouldn't just stop the tablets in the middle of their course, would you?

Be thankful your husband loves you and supports you. He can see what's best for you now.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/07/2011 09:51

Blimey Orm dishing out experience as if it is medical fact and applicable to all leaves you on pretty dodgy ground imvho.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 10:01

I am not dishing out medical opinion. I am saying that the OP should be allowed to decide for herself and that perhaps waiting a little longer before deciding it's all gone tits-up would be wise. And it seems as if her DH feels able to make medical decisions on her behalf. And not one of you seems to be above deciding that she is 'ill' enough to warrant a trip to the GP.

Ormirian · 22/07/2011 10:03

And precisely where did I dish out experience as medical fact hobnobs?

Curiousmama · 22/07/2011 10:08

Ormirian I don't think you're helping tbh. I know you're giving your opinion but it's still early days for you. And tbh you don't sound in that good a place yourself? I hope I'm wrong though and you are truly well

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 22/07/2011 10:11

No harm in going to the doc though, right? No one's actually going to force anyone's jaw open and tip drugs down their throat. GP's aren't actually in the business of drugging anyone in to submission against their will. You can always disagree with a diagnosis, get a second opinion, refuse a prescription etc etc. Sometimes it is hard to see the wood for the trees. The OP's husband is concerned. I don't think he should be vilified for that.

OracleInaCoracle · 22/07/2011 10:20

Orm, there is no need to be so defensive. Her dh loves her and wants her to be happy. You are looking at it as hers is the only opinion that matters, but as you know, when you are coming off ads and/or depressed you are not always rational. He hasn't started medicating her again. He hasn't dragged her to the docs over his shoulder.

He has made an appointment out of love, and because he is concerned. The op said herself that she is back where she was. And fwiw, the times I've crashed was when I stopped takimg ads by myself, in one. Coming off slowly under a gps supervision meant fewer side effects and crashes. But that's my experience. Not the ops. Just as yours is yours. And I think her dh is better placed to judge where she is and how she is doing than we are.

OracleInaCoracle · 22/07/2011 10:20

Orm, there is no need to be so defensive. Her dh loves her and wants her to be happy. You are looking at it as hers is the only opinion that matters, but as you know, when you are coming off ads and/or depressed you are not always rational. He hasn't started medicating her again. He hasn't dragged her to the docs over his shoulder.

He has made an appointment out of love, and because he is concerned. The op said herself that she is back where she was. And fwiw, the times I've crashed was when I stopped takimg ads by myself, in one. Coming off slowly under a gps supervision meant fewer side effects and crashes. But that's my experience. Not the ops. Just as yours is yours. And I think her dh is better placed to judge where she is and how she is doing than we are.

corriefan · 22/07/2011 10:23

If you want counselling but don't feel you can because of your speech problem, you might be able to find one who can do a session on the Internet.

NunTheWiser · 22/07/2011 10:32

OP, YABU. Your husband sounds like a man who really cares for you and your mental health. You've made a major medical decision to come off the antidepressants without telling your GP and you accept that your depression is not under control at the moment. It sounds like your husband desperately wants to help you. Please let him.
If the situation were reversed and you were posting on MN about how worried you were about a partner who had stopped taking their meds and really seemed to be struggling, I'm sure the overwhelming response would be to talk direct to the GP and arrange an appointment.

bruffin · 22/07/2011 10:35

"If you want counselling but don't feel you can because of your speech problem, you might be able to find one who can do a session on the Internet"

As I said above - Our local mental health team offers this service so ask your GP for a referral.

I really don't believe a person with depression is often in a position to know what's best for them. I have had to take DH to the gp and talk to the gp to get him referrals. If I had left him to it, he would have done nothing and if he had gone to the GP by himself, he would have told him he was all right. I had to do the talking.
One time he went by himself he saw a different gp and he came away with the impression that the gp just thought he wanted a week off work because it was half term. Thankfully we had managed to lay the groundwork with another gp who actually listens to him and understands him and I don't need to go any more.

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 10:38

He isn't making medical decisions, he's made her a GP appointment.

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 10:41

FWIW my husband did this for me a couple of days ago, as I was low on tablets, but could not summon the courage to phone my Docs, and I needed more. Also need to see him to see how things are going. I know it's slightly different, but I wouldn't have minded if he had just told me he had done it. It was a great relief to know I didn't have to keep fretting about it.
So I now have 2 weeks of tablets and an appointment for next week.

PlentyOfPubgardens · 22/07/2011 10:41

Unless you are currently a danger to yourself or others, YANBU to feel really pissed off with your DH. We don't always make the best decisions for ourselves when we're depressed (speaking from bitter experience here) but the sense of powerlessness that comes from others taking decisions out of your hands can make you feel so much worse.

However, from the sound of it, going back to the GPs would probably be a good idea. Try to get past your feelings of quite justified annoyance and do this for yourself. Then, when you feel well enough, have a chat with your DH about how you would like him to support you if you become ill again.

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 10:48

Out of interest Plenty, would you feel the sam if your situation had been reversed?
e.g - I'm really worried about OH, they seem to be very low again and not doing very well having come COLD TURKEY off their AD's, but never mind, I'll let them go further down, and let them get on with it?
Really?
What point do you step in then?

PlentyOfPubgardens · 22/07/2011 11:01

I'm not suggesting just 'letting' someone go further down, or 'letting' them get on with it. There are other ways of supporting somebody besides making GP appointments without their consent. Ultimately, it's up to the OP whether she keeps her appointment or not. If she can be persuaded to keep the appointment she could probably have been persuaded to make it in the first place, or at least consent to him making it for her. It might seem a minor point but it would have saved the OP feeling pissed off and (probably) losing some trust in her DH.

What point would I step in ... against somebody's will? If they were a danger to themselves or others.

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 11:04

But DH was supportive in loads of ways to me, but I still needed him to phone for me when I asked, because I couldn't make myself do it.
Depression affects everyone so differently, and we sometimes need a nudge in the right direction. I hope it hasn't made the OP lose any trust in her DH, but understand just how worried he was for her.

Original poster

notsostrong · 22/07/2011 11:06

well went to the doctors and i am back on the tablets, my husband talked to the doctors aswell as myself.

Thank you all for taking the time to answer to this thread

OP posts:

justkeepingheadabovewater · 22/07/2011 11:07

Hope you are ok, and you know you aren't alone.