Private school or bigger house?

[joric]

Less AIBU more WWYD....

Will keep it short...

60/70k will put DD through private school and we would stay in our modest house
or
we could increase mortgage by same amount and buy a similar standard of house in better area with v good state school nearby.

WWYD?

Actually, I don't think it would be easier to sell the house than to move the kids, not in the practical sense. If you found yourself in financial difficulties you'd only need to give 1 terms notice at school. It could take a year to sell the house.

The effect on the kids are a different matter, of course.

I meant emotionally.

I just don't believe that if I'd have sent my kids to the local state school at 5yrs, that would somehow have benefitted the other kids there. It simply would have made no difference to either them or the school which was already packed full of affluent kids from m/c families.

better house and good state school

I have taught at mediocre state and private and unless the private are really really good, I'd send mine to state everytime.
The attitudes of private kids/parents were not what I would want my child to develop (God given right to succeed, money buying education rather than needing to work for it, teachers are scum, you can't fail me, heads pandering to richest parents, yah we ski three times a year). I'd rather put mine through state and have the time/money/room to spend quality time with him myself and supplement any perceived shortcomings of the state system.
Education is only partly achieved in school - parents should still be the main influence on their kids and can do the most for their achievement.

Your post shocks me. My ds is at private (and dd transferring September due to dreadful time in a sought after state school). Not my experience at all. The indy has been wonderful - lovely parents - marvellous staff - really well rounded boys - fantastic relationships all round. The state has been hideous - disruptive chavviness at one end and grasping manipulative mothers and children at the other end scheming to get their children into the top sets and having to because they don't have any other choices. Yukkily hateful - the worst experience of my adult life and for dd of her entire life!

blueshoes there isn't much in it in terms of results. I'm debating whether or not private education over state (as a whole) is worth paying for. :)

Blueshoes

I was talking to spudulike, not to myself

Our choice was a non brainer. I do sometimes feel the need to point out that some comps are excellent, although many are not, and some private schools are not good value, although many are.

In my view, the comp will help a child to be resilient, which is a very useful characteristic in adult life.

I also think that a biggger house can improve a families well being significantly. Overcrowding is stressful, and lack of quiet study space can affect schoolwork.

As many have pointed out, many have little choice about housing or schools

Definitely the bigger house and good state school. I only have one child and was pressured from several sides to send ds to private but I don't believe in it at all an dit was never on my agenda. I went to private and I had a much less happy time than my ds does atvstate school plus the house we bought to get him in there doubled in value with a bit of work and then we sold it! With the house option everyone gets something out of it and there is a lot to be said for being part of the local community where the school is. This has been the best thing about ds being educated formprimary and secondary all within walking distance of school the social aspect has been brilliant.

Bigger house, good state school. Engage tutors if a specific aspect of learning needs addressing.

In our part of Oz, parents beggar themselves to send their children to private schools, and so many STILL have tutors!! What on earth are they paying for? Not the quality of teaching, it seems.

I do like the fact that mine will be able to walk to the local first and middle schools and be part of the local community - children will be localish rather than a drive away for playdates and the such. Not my main concern but it is one. Also when I go back to work it will be less of a trip for us than driving her to the private school.

Most private schools also have very long holidays so if you are working you will have to factor in childcare (often school provided so there is continuity - just more expense!)

option 2 - small house near a good state school - because if it's a great school, that smaller house will be one of the first to pick up again when markets improve/will hold it's value more if there's a second fall than a similar sized house near a bad school. Your DH might get promotions etc to allow a larger house in that area later on, but get your DD in that school now. (Ideally get a small house with option to extend!)

Or, if you really love your current area, private and stay where you are.

However, I wouldn't put my child in a bad school just so I could live in a bigger house - option 3 is the selfish option, your DD gets one go at this, if she fucks up her education in a rubbish school it limits the rest of her life. You owe it to her to get her a good education, be it at a good state school or an independent.

(So says a parent living in a smaller house that's halfway between 2 outstanding state schools - rather than the huge 5 bed place near a failing school we looked round when buying)

as I said a few pages ago, very good luck with the decision, it is no one elses business really, you know your dd.. For me private was always the only choice, and I do not regret one minute of it for either child.

I'm amazed that there are so many people who can afford private school.

I do hope you tell your dc's to remember in adult life they are likely to have people working under them that are smarter than they are, but whose potential hasn't been realised because their parents weren't able to buy them the opportunity to get to the best universities. (which is in effect what you're doing by paying for tutoring/private schooling).

A bit of humility is a very attractive thing in a privileged child. Much nicer than the sense of entitlement that many privately educated children carry around with them.

rather a mass generalisation there Spud, your posts are usually far more eloquent and well written than that.

You write very well, and though I don't agree with much you have written on this thread, you are usually far more succint and argue your case well, normally avoiding the mass generalisations I cannot stand on MN.

Spud - if your dd is at a school that isn't helping her to achieve her potential - be it Cambridge or South Bank - then they are failing her.

MABS - hi! DS having a fab time this week, all thanks to you

"if your dd is at a school that isn't helping her to achieve her potential - be it Cambridge or South Bank - then they are failing her"

I've no doubt my dd would do better academically at Cheltenham Ladies' College or some other top flight private school.

She's a bright girl.

But these options just aren't available to her or to us. Her school is a good school. The teachers do their very, very best with the resources they have and the children they've got. And she's happy and making progress.

So I'm not going to agonise over it.

MABS - I did you the phrases 'they are likely' and 'many private school pupils^. I didn't say all!

I am too lazy to read the thread.

We went for the nice house in the good suburb option. It isn't huge (by Oz) standards but it just fine and the local schools are excellent.

It is pretty much the same thing as going private though, we have used our money to buy our kids into a good school. We have just decided that good property along with good schooling is a better long term investment then just the good schooling.

Spudulika

If you were extremely rich, say you won the lottery, would you still make the same choices? Dh and I were talking about it the other day, and we thought we'd keep the dcs at the comp, but donate a lot of cash to the school to build the new science wing that is currently on hold because of the cuts.

Well, we were in that position OP, and we chose the nice house next to a "good" (Ofsted) state school.

Three years in, the school works well for one DC, but not the other (big class, disruption, violence, poor results, my DC "written off" to bottom set etc.).

So we will move them private after all. Lucky we found a "cheap" one at 2000 a term

Despite that, I would still always try the good State school first, as chances are it will be great for your DC (my other DC THRIVES there, so it depends on the child, and the class room situation).

original poster, I wouldn't. Like you, I would think about donating money for whatever they needed, but I wouldn't whoop the kids out just because I could.

How big is your current house? Would you benefit from the extra space?

I'd do option 3 I think.

so very pleased to hear that JGBmum

Original I have thought about this. I would probably keep my dc's at state school and spend the holidays travelling and expanding their horizons.

Probably.

IMO you should move to a better area and send your dd to the good state school. Private schools can be wonderful but they are expensive and then there is the uniforms, trips, etc. State school, nicer neighborhood, and possibly more activities would be much more practical and if you have more dc in the future........