Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Private school or bigger house?

301 replies

joric · 21/07/2011 18:05

Less AIBU more WWYD....

Will keep it short...

60/70k will put DD through private school and we would stay in our modest house
or
we could increase mortgage by same amount and buy a similar standard of house in better area with v good state school nearby.

WWYD?

OP posts:
spudulika · 21/07/2011 21:55

"Most families were fairly average - their parents made big sacrifices to send them there."

Average salary in the UK is 26K.

Average school fees are around 10K a year.

I don't think for one minute that the majority of children in private school - any private school - come from 'average' families.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 21/07/2011 21:58

Ignoring the social justice argument, I'd move to the better catchment area if your DD is about to change school very soon. If she's got a few years to go, I'd check that the LEA isn't going to implement a lottery system that would mean living closer to the good school wouldn't help.

My decision would be based on the fact that you seem to think that the private school isn't offering anything that the good state school isn't, and once your daughter is a pupil, any change in your financial circumstances wouldn't matter.

A bigger house isn't going to benefit your DD directly and I would only pay out for private education if I felt it was offering something 'extra' eg better sports facilities, a wider selection of subjects, academic selection or access to better extra curricular activities.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 21/07/2011 21:58

Of course they don't.
It's one of the most irritating things about private schools - the way they teach that anyone who really cared could find the money. Do they really not understand that some people can't? Or (more likely) do they not give a fuck about the people who can't, because those people just aren't on their radar and never will be?

joric · 21/07/2011 21:59

Faire- I think no. 3 is rejected...goodbye to big house and school with not great reputation- sorry but it may make me a less than 1st class citizen but It's the gamble I can't risk. As I say, some schools have problems which have LED to and are not CAUSED by people turning to the private sector...
1 and 2 are options... I am sitting firmly on the fence!
Got to go, Thanks to all- lots to think about!

OP posts:
chocolatchaud · 21/07/2011 22:01

I take your point spud. I just wanted to make the point that private schools are not full of multi-millionaires, where everybody has a swimming pool and pony. It is irritating when people go on about how they want their children to be able to mix with everyone, not just wealthy families - in my experience you do get a range of people at private schools (possibly more than in a very wealthy state school area)

spudulika · 21/07/2011 22:01

"However, who wants to risk their child's education, just to 'leven the mix'?"

I've done it.

I must be a shit parent.

DD (after a difficult start) has settled well into her secondary school, despite the fact it's rough.

She's highly literate and numerate. She's on the school's gifted and talented register. Her teachers (on the whole) think she's fantastic. Her self-esteem is sky high.

I just wish there were more children there from similar backgrounds to her. But hey-ho, you have to stand by your principles.

I suppose it helps if you have a bright child to start with. Don't know how I'd feel about sending her there if she was thick. Might find my principles would go west and I'd be racing back into full-time employment so I could afford to send her private. Wink

clit · 21/07/2011 22:05

Hmmmmm....

private school or bigger house...private school or bigger house...

I fucking wish I had the luxury of making a decision like that!

Different universe on here sometimes.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 21/07/2011 22:05

If she's self motivating that's great Spudulika. Your bright DD being on the gifted and talented register at a school that doesn't get great results is pretty much inevitable isn't it? I would be worried about mine coasting.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 21/07/2011 22:06

yeah you get a range of people at private schools. Bit rich to very rich.

spudulika, loving your posts and agreeing with every word.

MrsFlittersnoop · 21/07/2011 22:07

I you only have ONE child, they have no SEN and you are wealthy enough to be able to consider private education, then don't even think about it.

Stick with the state school. You are obviously smart/resourceful enough to be able to make up any shortfall between the two options.

Private schools don't actually CARE about your kids you know. Don't ever believe the hype - they are only after your money.

Seriously.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 21/07/2011 22:07

what's wrong with bloody coasting when they're only children anyway?

usualsuspect · 21/07/2011 22:08

Ain't that the truth, clit

but if we made enough sacrifices ....

LDNmummy · 21/07/2011 22:08

Sorry pru but these are unqualified teachers going through a training process, not simply unqualified.

In state schools teachers such as these are watched heavily by their superiors and there is a lot of regulation as to what they are actually permitted to do.

The same cannot be said for private schools.

Plus, state schools do not simply employ these types of teachers long term, they are being trained usually by that school on a short term basis (a year or two maybe). All trainee teachers are supported financially to train in case you were not aware of that.

It is the same as PGCE students, my DH taught while he was studying his PGCE, was given financial support towards it and recieved training on sight at the school, while having restrictions on his role till he was actually qualified and started a contractual position.

Essentially he was an unqualified teacher but because his training route was a PGCE, he was not called an unqualified teacher but rather a PGCE student.

Very different to a private school where the person is not training but employed on the basis of their already existing skills which may lack full training if any. And there is no guarantee of the same kind of regulation as a trainee teacher or 'unqualified teacher' who is being trained to meet strict state imposed standards.

IYSWIM.

LDNmummy · 21/07/2011 22:10

Hope that is coherent, wrote it very quickly Blush

clit · 21/07/2011 22:10

Ha! usual.

I'm sure our £20K income would stretch to it if we made some 'sacrifices' Hmm

spudulika · 21/07/2011 22:10

"in my experience you do get a range of people at private schools"

What - like children whose mothers had them at 15, children of single parents on benefits, or with a parent in custody, children who've been in care, or living in high-density social housing, or newly arrived in this country?

I'm privately educated and the daughter of a diplomat. I'm a teacher and DH works in publishing. DD has friends from all these backgrounds. She doesn't judge people and gets on with everyone. I'm so proud of her.

The 'ordinary' people I suppose you are thinking of are teachers, accountants etc?

spudulika · 21/07/2011 22:13

"I would be worried about mine coasting"

Yes, she's coasting.

She's 12. I don't really care if she coasts. As long as she comes out at 16 with enough GCSE's to do the A levels she wants, a tonne of self-confidence and some idea of what she wants to do with her life.

spudulika · 21/07/2011 22:15

"yeah you get a range of people at private schools. Bit rich to very rich."

Grin

lol

twinklypearls · 21/07/2011 22:15

As state schools offer a range of vocational qualifications there are many unqualified teachers in state schools.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 21/07/2011 22:15

MalcontentInTheMiddle, when they're teenagers coasting is the difference between getting into the University that they want to to do the course they want to or not. If you have a DS who's lazy but competitive (for example Grin) they need to be somewhere where they have to make an effort to be in the top set.

twinklypearls · 21/07/2011 22:17

Also some schools have such a poor reputation that they cannot attract staff , this can lead to non qualified staff being employed .

joric · 21/07/2011 22:17

Ba8y - that'll be my next topic... (:o) Does the quest for an equal society quash people's chances of fullfilling your potential, reaching for the stars?
Don't worry, I'm not remotely religious ( more like i like musicals) but have you seen Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat? The story goes back as long as time and to summarise, Joseph is treated differently to his brothers, he is privillaged. His brothers see this as unfair and try to knock him down. Without Joseph, the brothers crops fail... They realise that he has

OP posts:
MrsFlittersnoop · 21/07/2011 22:18

Fuck the "sacrifices". When we first realised Ds had ASD we would have mortgaged our souls to get him into a "small, caring pastoral fee-paying (wank bullshit) school". Only no secondary schools within a 15 mile radius would take him (thanks North London!) - they were all academically selective at 11.

ALL OF THEM.

He is now predicted to get 9 A*-B grades in his GCSEs next year (inc. English Baccalaureate) , thanks to his state comprehensive.

joric · 21/07/2011 22:19

Something to offer all be it different to them- they can see,
Moral of the story, we all have our part to play - some big, some small.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 21/07/2011 22:20

I just thank my lucky stars I live in a totally comprehensive area ,no grammars and only a couple of private schools

no great school angst

Swipe left for the next trending thread