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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Private school or bigger house?

301 replies

joric · 21/07/2011 18:05

Less AIBU more WWYD....

Will keep it short...

60/70k will put DD through private school and we would stay in our modest house
or
we could increase mortgage by same amount and buy a similar standard of house in better area with v good state school nearby.

WWYD?

OP posts:
spudulika · 21/07/2011 22:22

"MalcontentInTheMiddle, when they're teenagers coasting is the difference between getting into the University that they want to to do the course they want to or not. "

So looking forward to more universities adjusting offers to take into account school background.

There are thousands of university courses. I'm sure my dc's will be able to find something they want to do and that they can make a good living from.

floosiemcwoosie · 21/07/2011 22:22

i close my eyes, draw back the curtains, to see for certain.....aw fuck am not thinking about Philip Schofield or Jason Donovan

LDNmummy · 21/07/2011 22:23

Spudulika your argument is another of the main reasons I (and the main reason my DH) wants our little one/s to attend state.

State education gave me something that private couldn't, and that was life experience. Knowledge is not just book knowledge.

I come from a very diverse family background anyway, but attending state is without a doubt a fantastic way for a child to know more than the minute social circles a private school can give.

It has been invaluable for me as an adult to have such a knowledge of the 'big wide world' and the people in it that state education gave me.

spudulika · 21/07/2011 22:25

"As state schools offer a range of vocational qualifications there are many unqualified teachers in state schools"

People who teach vocational courses are usually qualified teachers or in the process of qualifying.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 21/07/2011 22:25

I'm sure my dd will get into the university she wants, if it's the right thing for her. I just don't mind if she coasts in year 9.

And I believe that coasting at university is what private school kids do, and why they achieve less than state school equivalents at the same age?

Original poster
joric · 21/07/2011 22:26

Floosie - '...what I thought I knew ah ah ah...' ha ha ... Can't stand Jason donavan.

OP posts:
MrsFlittersnoop · 21/07/2011 22:27

I have sadly come across some unbelievably awful teachers in private boarding schools. Especially all-girls' schools, where parents have no expectations whatsoever of any sort of academic achievement for their daughters - all that counts is manners, deportment and skills such as cookery, tennis, riding and other equestrian sports.

Can you seriously imagine paying boarding-school fees for 11 year and being perfectly happy that you daughter leaves with NO GSCEs whatsoever?

Many posh parents are. Didn't pricess Di leave West Heath with no GSCEs?

,

floosiemcwoosie · 21/07/2011 22:28

Joric - just be grateful you are reading my version of this and not listening to it!

prudaloo · 21/07/2011 22:29

Oh dear Lord, Mrs Flippinloop- fadt forward to 2011.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 21/07/2011 22:29

Of course they will Spudulika. The problem is if it's something like medicine or (110x worse) Veterinary medicine, they look bloody hard at GCSE grades. And unless you have the connections to get some bloody good related work experience for them, the difference between an A* and a B can be yes or no to a uni place. And they don't just look at the child's school. They look at the parent's education level and income, so even if your DC goes to a school that's considered rough if they have two parents with degrees on 60k plus/annum they're not going to get any taking into account of 'school background'.

emsies · 21/07/2011 22:29

My aunt went to a boarding school like that - she ended up marrying a rich man and having gorgeous kids so it all worked out perfectly ;)

prudaloo · 21/07/2011 22:29

sorry-Fast forward!

spudulika · 21/07/2011 22:30

"Didn't pricess Di leave West Heath with no GSCEs?"

A very fine example of the heights that can be achieved with the right breeding and an intact hymen.

Original poster
joric · 21/07/2011 22:31

Mrsflitter, she wasn't happy there either apparently.... Now I really would resent the fees in that case!
Really have got go go now- thanks everyone! [goes to bed thinking of Philip Sch in Joseph...]

OP posts:
Original poster
joric · 21/07/2011 22:32

Or not

OP posts:
twinklypearls · 21/07/2011 22:33

I spent years teaching in a school alongside people with NI teaching qualification. They had no intention of gaining then either.

spudulika · 21/07/2011 22:34

"The problem is if it's something like medicine or (110x worse) Veterinary medicine, they look bloody hard at GCSE grades"

Oh well, she'll have to by-pass a career in medicine then.

Tough titty for her.

If she really had the potential for the hard work required, she'd be showing it now. And she isn't.

Will encourage her to think about nursing. She's a lovely looking girl. She'll snag a doctor of her own in no time. Wink

merryberry · 21/07/2011 22:37

anyone please help this OP?

MrsFlittersnoop · 21/07/2011 22:40

FFW to 2011! Hmm

It really wasn't that unusual for my contemporaries to be told by their parents that there was NO POINT in staying at school post-16. They were made to leave school after O-levels and get jobs - University wasn't an option.

I went to an all-girl's Grammar school in a very wealthy city, and fewer than 30% of my classmates stayed on into the 6th-form. (1970s!)

twinklypearls · 21/07/2011 22:44

Sorry that should read no teaching qualifications.

prudaloo · 21/07/2011 22:44

Precisely-40 years ago! Hence my comment.

OriginalPoster · 21/07/2011 22:47

Spudulika

I am enjoying your posts and agree that if all people sent their kids to state schools the whole experience would be better for everyone. It's good to know that some people still have the guts to live by their values.

In our area, there are no grammars, and our comp has many dcs with parents who have post grad degrees and professional qualifications who could easily afford private, but choose not to. All the teachers have degrees in their own subjects, and a very high proportion get into Russell group/oxbridge. It also has a fantastic autistic unit. The private school results locally are pretty poor, but they do get to play a lot of golf. I'm sticking with our comp as I feel it's genuinely the best choice for our dcs.

Op
If you go private and there's no issue with catchments, why can't you get a big, cheap house? the prices are lower if not inflated by school catchments, or am I deluded...

blueshoes · 21/07/2011 22:56

I'd would offer a slightly different slant.

Joric, if you are a ft working mother, I would go for private for the wrap around care, on site extra curricular activities, responsiveness of the school to parental needs.

Fine to say you can top up at state school with after school activities. But realistically, if you work outside the home, whilst the children are young, you won't be able to shuttle them around to these activities.

I pay for private because I don't want to have to hover over my dcs' education or agitate for them. I pay because I expect and can demand a good service from the school. If not, I can move my dcs.

blueshoes · 21/07/2011 23:01

OriginalPoster, if you genuinely think that your local comp is better than the private, it is no skin off your nose to go state, surely? That is hardly having the 'guts to live by your values'. You'd be an idiot to pay in those circumstances.

Bear in mind your situation is not the choice (or shall I say luxury) that all parents have.

marriedinwhite · 21/07/2011 23:01

If you have to borrow the money for school fees you can't afford them. If something goes wrong financially it's much easier to move to smaller house than move our children from private to state.