To wonder why more people don't help at PTA events ... and what would encourage more people to do so ...

[onthebus]

In common with many other schools, our PTA had its annual summer fayre a couple of weeks ago. The school has quite a small PTA (about 6 people) and every year for this event they send out a note asking for volunteers for people to help set up/run stalls/clear away. Every year about 2 people volunteer and the PTA then run themselves ragged trying to do everything (and generally failing).

I'm not on the PTA by the way, though I do offer to help, and it strikes me that this really can't be the best way for anyone.

I understand that some people don't help because they are looking after small children/are at work/think the PTA are too scary/just don't want to but I'm really surprised that so few do. I did suggest to PTA members that if they actually asked people rather than sending out a note they might get more helpers but they are loathe to do this.

So ... I think most people appreciate that funds raised by the PTA are worthwhile. If you do/don't help out at PTA events, why is that, and what do you think would encourage you/other people to do so?

I don't, it is a lot of work and takes a lot of time and it's not my cup of tea. I volunteer my time as a governor instead.

I have been part of several PTAs but no longer take an active role. At a primary PTA for a village school I saw how PTAs could work well. The events arranged were popular with either children or parents. Children often love the summer fair (even if it's a fayre) even if parents hate it. Quiz evenings and dances provided social activities for the whole community and raised money from non-parents. The Christmas Fair allowed the whole community to show support for "their" school and to share the childrens delight at Christmas.

It was a real community and small enough so that you knew who was heavily pregnant and needed a task where they could sit down (take tickets at door, fold raffle tickets, count money afterwards), who liked to be social (wear the pick a pocket skirt, sell tickets for whisky draw) and who needed something to do at home (wrap items for Father Christmas, make things to sell). Everyone could contribute and most did so, if you didn't do something then I'm afraid your child got fewer playdates. That wasn't being cliquey but if you didn't contribute anything to the community people wouldn't do as much for you.

People were asked, nicely, to help, asked about what type of help would suit them best and given a task they could manage. The committee got so large that we had to limit the numbers as the pub we met at couldn't cope.

The sum raised was a significant part of the school budget and subsidised activities that not all children could afford, like transport on trips. It was another way of enhancing the community spirit by making sure everyone was included.

At secondary school the sum raised is insignificant, although the PA boast about it. Few parents are involved and although slightly more donate money it's still not much. Attempts to introduce anything different are resisted, even if there is minimal effort. The events are mostly arranged for the benefit of a small clique of parents, they are not intended to be inclusive and most do not promote a community spirit. The few events that do are popular but the PA committee don't appreciate the difference. The PA exists to provide the head with a small group of toadies.

I helped at events, had offers to arrange things refused, nothing I did was appreciated. The PA exists to provide the head with a small group of toadies and I am not one of them. Despite providing support for the school in a variety of ways the head tried to do something they believed was damaging to my child but fortunately was less damaging than they meant. For that extremely unprofessional behaviour I will no longer provide any support - financial or in other ways - to the school and will be delighted when my child leaves. The school doesn't deal well with parents and some of the reluctance to support fund-raising has dissatisfaction with the school as it's underlying reason.

I have found that it is always the same people that are helping - and don't give us mere mortals a chance! There are a group of us who would love to help out more but seem to have been pushed aside - we've now spoken to the teachers and said to ask us specifically when they need help for any event and this has worked well:)

I can't attend their meetings because they clash with DD's swimming lesson. I can't help out at events as I have a 7mo to look after. From friends at school, I understand that, despite our PTA always asking for new members/helpers etc, when they've helped out, the existing PTA haven't been welcoming or inclusive towards them.

One of my friends said she went along to a planning meeting for the school fair and all the exisiting members spent the whole time moaning about the school and the event - hardly a positive or encouraging vibe.

I wonder if it would be better to have say a 2 year max limit to be a PTA member - that would probably keep it fresh, encourage new members to join, avoid cliques etc.

Our PTA does that MAX. The committee only sits for 2 years and then moves on. Keeps things fresh and means that no gets sick of it. It also means that newcomers to the school feel less intimidated by the idea of joining. Anyone can volunteer to help on a one off or regular basis.

MoreBeta - I've never heard of a PTA at a pre-school for paying parents (before 3YO) Sounds like madness to me.

ragged Fri 22-Jul-11 13:11:06

In the same poste you manage to say that you do not know who is on the PTA and that you wish they were friendlier. How do you know they are not friendly if you do not know who they are?

As well have been at pta meetings with my DCs (in particular DD4 that I was still BF) several other parents have as well and it was never a problem to anyone.

Buildbasebabe Sat 23-Jul-11 08:46:03

" have found that it is always the same people that are helping - and don't give us mere mortals a chance! There are a group of us who would love to help out more but seem to have been pushed aside"

I do absolutely not believe that for an instant! PTA's are crying for "new blood" to come and give fresh ideas. We put notes on the school board and announce meetings on the school newletter as well as the school website and theree is still no new members turning up. The only time we see new faces are for the AGM were people seem to come for the complimentary glass of wine-- to make sure we spend the raised money wisely.

How do you know they are not friendly if you do not know who they are?

When I went along in the past and joined in they weren't very welcoming, and that was different sets of people over time (high turnover? over a space of 4 yrs). I've been up at the school 7 yrs now, so most of them have changed far as I know since my last effort. I think I know who one of them is at the moment (and she is perfectly reasonable, admittedly). But I fear a witchy one is still involved & i don't want to arrive to find it's mostly her & her cronies. I guess I'm just burnt out from trying & want to leave it a while to recoup.

Many times bitten and many more times shy, all that! The witchy one's youngest DC finishes in 2015, so I hope to brave going along in the autumn of 2015. I'm still around up there until 2019, so plenty of time for me to contribute yet.

I went to a few meetings of my oldest DS's secondary school PTA. I found a lot of the stereotypes mentioned here to be, sadly, true.
Lip-service was paid to welcoming new members but the new faces seemed to disappear one by one - including me, after struggling on for five or six months.

The unspoken (or sometimes actually spoken) question which hung in the air seemed to be 'what can you do for us? ie perform some sort of useful function for the committee (financial management, marketing, poster design/artwork etc.) I didn't feel qualified or experienced enough to volunteer for any of those 'leading' roles, but was perfectly happy to give assistance as required, and to turn up and help at functions as required. Apart from helping to set up and man a stall at the Christmas Fare, which I knew about through having been at the previous meetings, I was never contacted to help out.

They have spent £27k over the last year, it seems, which is fantastic - good on them. I just think the underlying feeling that if you weren't pulling your weight directly for 'the committee'' you weren't welcome and your comments wouldn't be listened to.

£10k was spent on a 'fourth IT suite,' which, maybe I'm mis-guided, but I didn't see as a PTA's remit to provide. Whereas the pupils have been promised lockers for several years, which have yet to materialise. It also emerged that the PTA chairman had previously arranged to remove a lighting gantry from the stage in the main hall as it interfered with the room's aesthetics (wtf?), so now there is no lighting for performances.

Teachers were put through hoops to get small requests accepted; eg a washing machine was requested for the PE teachers to wash the first teams' shirts - having used their own previously. Much rubbing of chins ensued. However, when the deputy head mooted her £10k request for the IT suite, it was treated as a no-brainer.

As I said, your opinion wasn't welcome if you weren't one of the main members - hardly democratic, but then I suppose there are no rules to this - that's part of the problem.

Oh dear, this thread and the Xbox one has me sitting here rocking in the chair in terror. Unless someone else comes forward in September I'm going to have to be Treasurer. I think the also stitched up to be Chair might be a closet MNetter and hope she's reading this. I am not a natural committee person and have managed to run miles from the whole thing in the 8 years DD has been at school but thought I'd better step up finally for the last couple that DS is at primary.

There is a big image problem with our PTA, a lot of people don't know who they are and those that do think they are scary. Reading between the lines, people have been complaining to the Head about it, 'insular' was the word one a friend told me her friend had put on the school questionnaire. Also, people volunteer and are never contacted, a friend of mine organised a babysitter so she could help and only got a call because I was quite pointed about it. So with a new Chair, Vice Chair and Treasurer this is the perfect time to turn things around and start afresh, get rid of scary clique image in next two years then I'm off anyway.

Have taken note of the 10 commandments. We definitely have issues at the moment with things being run really inefficiently eg. 40 prizes bought at 90p sold on a stall for £1. Have also taken note of cake economics issue and am thinking about that. The Head is leaving midway though next year as well so who knows what the new one will be like. Will continue to read with interest and am taking count of those who would like to just make a donation as would like to make this an easy option to take as can get the Gift Aid on it then.

"The witchy one's youngest DC finishes in 2015, so I hope to brave going along in the autumn of 2015. I'm still around up there until 2019, so plenty of time for me to contribute yet."

Well, it gives you until 2015 to find another good excuse not to join in.

"if you didn't do something then I'm afraid your child got fewer playdates"

Now I understand why my child never gets any playdates! It's not him at all, it's me.

If PTAs could do One Good Thing it would be this:

Standing up to Headteachers and Chairs of Governors over outrageous uniform costs and sole suppliers.

I thank you.

I would like to help out in some way but the PTA at my school seem very clickey - like one women who live nearby me sometimes speaks and sometimes does not, and I see others standing around after AM school run blocking the pavement (especially on bin day) and this pees me off as they seem arrogant and very very clickey - I therefore donate as much as I reasonably can to school funds and send lots of stuff in when they ask for stuff.

no pta no playdates?lol that ma weans stuffed then

Sigh..... If you swopped the term PTA for Toddler group, you could probably could have the same conversation about clickey groups of women who aren't that friendly to newcomers.
Sometimes people who know each other well find it easier to talk to each other than to complete strangers even if there is a common goal. However, with a bit of perservance people stop being strangers and you can end up knowing people that you may have once avoided in the playground.

Our PTA has a 3 year term of office. We were all new last year, only 2 of the group knew each other well, and sat apart at the AGM on purpose. 1 new person decided not to join because she (at the end of the meeting) said that she felt it wasn't for her. Fair enough. However, the playground version that we were all too clicky. Seriously can't win.

As for the donations to school to save yourself the bother of helping or attending events...once again who actually does that??? Because it would be appreciated.

the global response/experience of pta seems to be
cliquey
self serving
bit bossy and hectoring

tbh,if so many are reporting same themes and commonalities - time pta maybe took stock of their behaviours and how they are perceived by majority who dont participate

I went to the PTA meeting at the high school when my DC started there. Nobody introduced themselves and I was ignored.
I never went back.

Coz I would be missing out so much by not getting to spend time with santimonious ppl like ....

and bet the pta wonder why no lazy fuckers help out...

I currently run my local 'friends committee' and find it both exhausting and rewarding. You have to get down to people and find something that makes them take interest, if you are working towards a really well thought of goal, its a fantastic opener to people, some can be clickey I know, the people who were running ours when I started the school were awful, but I persisted and now run the show, once they moved on things settled down.

Im also really hoping that none of the people who've commented here are at our school as for the playdate thing.....my son gets the odd one, so I dont think thats necessarily true!

plus3 [sour grapes emtoicon]

Well if people are cliquey in any circumstances they dont make it welcoming to newcommers - I would suggest that PTA in their supposed service to the school should make more of an effort particularly with parents new to the school in the early years groups.

I find your comment about my donations to the school silly, as is that not one of the main aims of the PTA? - to raise funds for the school, I hope you are not on my schools PTA as you sound ungrateful. Your comment about it being appreciated maybe the case at your school, but when the PTA groups of mums at my school seem so cliquey it does gove the impression that they

a) dont want to know you or make the effort to
b) they are self sustaining - have it all sorted

This deters me, and I stand by the cliquey appearences whether intentional or not are what puts a lot of people off, no-one in reception year at my school with a two class intake has joine the PTA and there are plenty of us part time/SAHM's

Sending the sour grapes right back to you namechange100....

I was trying to be reasonable. I am not bitter about anything. I accept that not all PTA's are the same but we are trying to give our's a good name.

If you want to get involved, get involved. Challenge bad behaviour. FGS you are all adults.

As for donating money... I didn't mean that money rather than help would be appreciated. It's fundraising therefore all money received would be greatly appreciated. Thought that would have been obvious

I think its absolutely fine to avoid the PTA like the plague if you don't like the people running it, or feel intimidated by their clique, or feel you don't have enough time, or even just because you'd rather stick pins in your eyes.

All fine.

But this need to run down and bitch about those parents, who are after all very often the parents of your dc friends, who do muck in and put themselves out to get money raised for the school - well, its very questionable, isn't it?

Can't you just say "no, its not my thing at all" rather than "no, I actually have a life you wouldn't see me dead on any sort of committee of sahms".

And the "I'd sooner just give £20 a year to the pta instead of being ripped off buying cakes and tat" brigade ... well, do you think you could put your money where your mouth is and actually write that fucking cheque? Cos I've never known anyone at our 650 pupil school do anything remotely like that, in my 3 or 4 years on the pta.