to feel a bit annoyed about this party arrangement?

[Thruaglassdarkly]

Ok, I haven't said anything either way about this one yet, because I can't decide whether my initial reaction is UR or not, so please be kind but honest.
My DD is having a birthday party this weekend. She wanted to invite a few girls from school and that's all, so I have spent hours planning a really good party, of which DD approves wholeheartedly. There are a lot of craft activities, plus an outside trip somewhere in the local woods to collect natural craft materials etc for the tasks. I've also planned a task in the woods. I've a rainy day itinerary planned that includes going to a playplace part way through if the outside activities can't go ahead. In short, it's going to be quite tightly planned and the activities quite structured.
Anyway, my DD only wanted school friends. However, she is good friends with another girl who has recently been adopted by my cousin. She has known this girl all her life as her mother and I were close friends and it was me who introduced her mother to my cousin. My DD and this little girl fall out alot and have a rather possessive friendship, a bit like sisters.
My Dh and I'd initially decided to stick to just school friends for DD to avoid any awkwardness on the day between children not knowing other children etc. I thought I'd take my friend's DD out for the day with us instead so they could have 1:1 time.
Anyway, I was telling my friend/cousin's wife this and she indicated that my DD would be invited to her DD's party in a few weeks, so I felt obliged to invite her DD to my DD's bash. (Keep up! Ha ha). She said they were totally free the day we were planning to have the party.
Fastforward a week and I hand her the invite for that day. Suddenly, she needs to pick up her DD an hour before the party ends because they have an arrangement that was made months ago that it would be "rude" to be late for. Normally, I wouldn't mind, but I've got a really structured event planned and have spent a lot of money and time on activities for the kids. Plus, if it rains I'll have to swap to my rainy day plan and I don't want to have to be worrying about phoning her and letting her know that we've decamped to Macdonalds or that we haven't got back from the woods yet etc etc. I want to focus on the stuff I have planned. I just know my friend'll turn up in the middle of some activity that I'm running and need me to get all her DD's stuff together, find the partybag, her cardy, her shoes etc and meanwhile leave the kids hanging as to what they're doing. I just feel that to leave a party an hour before the end when the host has gone to a lot of trouble with crafts and timings etc is just not on. My friend always puts the entire world and its wife before any arrangements she makes with me anyway and thinks nothing of cancelling us when she's double booked herself. I think this is the rub - that we're always fitting in with her and that we're frequently being let down by her because she's said she'll be elsewhere at a time she said she'd meet us. I know she's scatty, but still - why are we always the last priority for her? AIBU to suggest that she doesn't bring her DD if she's going to leave in the middle of a party? It's cost me over a hundred quid this thing and I'm darned if I'm going to have the flow of it screwed up looking for shoes, cardies and stuff...I think I'm also a bit hurt because of the way my friend treats me though, so I may be BU. What do you think?

as I also found the op hard to read. Paragraphs make it easier, why make it harder for people to understand you?

and it's THROUGH not THRU
That's all

? - I'm sorry OP but you were wildly oversensitive about the paragraph issue. A big block of words like that just becomes unreadable is all, it's nothing to do with snobbery or academia. Correct spelling, grammar and punctuation do assist readability but nothing scuppers it quite like no paragraphs and your first respondant let you know very politely. It was unreasonable and unpleasant for you to go on the attack.

As for the original issue, just deal with it as graciously as you can, you've been given some great advice on how to do that here - i.e. get the kid together in advance and basically let Mum deal with it. Make sure she's well warned so leaving early doesn't come as a surprise.

As for dealing with the cousin, just be polite and concerned "Oh! What a shame, DD was so looking forward to seeing your DD for the party, and she'll be missing out on the activities at the end. I thought you were free the whole day? How disappointing". No need to roast the woman, just turn up the heat a little so dropping you isn't the easiest option.

I think that you need to take a step back from this situation and just calm down. It seems that you are trying so hard to make your DD's perfect it is stressing you out. Kids will make their own fun, you don't have to worry about a schedule. For my DS's birthday I took him to the park (he's only 2) with his friends and he was quite happy with a packet of wotsits and a go on the swings. Your daughter's birthday will be fine whatever happens!

However, I do feel that you were being a little U when it came to lachesis as I do feel she was just trying to help you out by pointing out the paragraph issue. I think she was trying to explain that you wouldn't get many replies as people would struggle read your post and reply the way it was laid out.

Good luck with your DD's day.

I think you need to chill a bit.... Your dd's party is THE most important thing in the world to you, especially having put so much effort into it (and honestly, it sounds like a fab party and a lot of work from you) - but not everyone else can make your child's party their top priority, who knows what else they are juggling. And it's not their fault that you have spent so much time and money on it. Let her DD come for as long as she can make it but don't change any of your plans to suit them, and leave sorting out where her clothes and shoes are up to her Mum... Parties are about everyone enjoying themselves. Maybe there is some underlying stuff here that's annoying you but life's too short to make such a big issue out of this.

Ok - about the paragraphs. If you look, you'll see I did paragraph the OP. I didn't press enter twice though, so the breaks are not obvious and it looks like a block of text.

Regarding lachesis - again, if you look, I put a wink emoticon at the end of my first post back to her. My error - I typed ;-) instead of . This was because I never intended for her to be offended by my comments. I was being tongue in cheek about her name. She came back to me quite shirty so I got shirty back. I was wanting to apologise to her for the misunderstanding actually. So sorry lachesis. I really don't care about lower/upper case for proper nouns on here. I was just being defensive initially (which was a passive-aggressive attack on you perhaps), and then we both ended up being rude to each other. So can we be friends now?

I have thanked people for their responses to me already and thanks again for the more recent ones. There have been some very helpful comments on here. I should've asked (on reflection) wwyd, because I hadn't actually done anything that was unreasonable, other than be frustrated by the fact that I'd planned an amazing party and had put a lot of time, effort and expense into it and that my friend wanted to pick her DD up in the middle of it when we were likely to be out in the woods (or if rainy, at McDonalds). Either way, her DD would not have eaten with us, which I was worried would upset my DD and her DD as neither of them are great at leaving parties and have in the past (both) caused big scenes (understandably as they are young). I didn't want to have to think about texting/phoning either etc as the activities I've planned will need my full attention (fairy cake icing, fairy den building, fairy den collage with woodland materials, face painting etc etc).

For the record, my cousin adopted my friend's DD a while ago. Not that it matters. I was trying to explain the relationship. So she is his DD now too.

I was hurt by comments about me being a nightmare, controlling and one poster who said she'd hate to have a mum like me (can I reassure her that my DDs are very happy children who love me to bits!). I don't know why people have to be so personal in their responses. When you type words and press enter, remember there's a flesh and blood person who is receiving them. Tell me that you disagree, that I'm being UR, a bit petty or precious etc but for goodness sake, you don't have to get quite so nasty!

Most of you were lovely btw, even if you disagreed with me. You're the reason I come back here. Thanks again.

Sorry for being rude to you the other day. I meant to add a (you can check if you like) but bollocksed it up and put a ;-) instead, to show I was being a bit flippant. Then I was rather rude after you responded because I got defensive and rather passive-aggressive. It's been bothering me anyway, so I wanted to apologise.

No hard feelings?

(Sorry - that was for lachesis.)

Now you can all see how bloody crap I am on here. I can't even message/paragraph properly!!! What a shambles! Sorry! Will try harder....

We'll need 'Will try garder' written out a million times and sent to MNHQ by Monday

Bloody he'll harder

That's very cool TAGD, have a good weekend.

Funnily enough, I tried to read your OP the other day when you started it. I gave up!

You were being unreasonable about the name lachesis.

I think you are being unreasonable about the party. You sound very controlling. Just let your friend come and collect her DD and get her things together. No need for you to abandon your other party guests. If you haven't cut the cake, sang happy birthday etc then say the party bags are not ready and she will have to call back later to pick it up.

Hope the day goes well.

let us know how it goes! Hopefully it's a storm in a teacup and everything will go swimmingly well :)

thruaglass - if you want to pm (personal message) lachesis just click on "message poster" on one of her posts, top right in the pale blue bar.

I totally get why you're annoyed by this, you've put a lot of time, effort, money into organising a party for you DD and you want it to be ace. But your cousin's actions mean you are more likely to have a mid-party tantrum on your hands, thus wrecking the atmosphere. I really would just suggest that everyone is well warned, especially the girl that has to leave ("Five minutes til Emilia has to go! Lets do this really fast!") and make a big deal of her being so lucky to get her party bag early, and tell her she's not allowed to open it 'til she gets to the car. It's all about the party bag anyway ;).

lol at it's all about the party bag, honey

At that age, I would have loved a fairy den/fairy cake making/fairy face painting and collage party. In fact, I think I'd probably still love a party like that!!

Thru - if this works (and I bet it does), I bet you get other mums asking you to help organise their parties.

It was AWESOME!!! The kids had a great time and were totally into everything we did. Why did I get so wound up? I plan these things, then get so up tight about them beforehand. It even went well with my friend and her DD. I'm such a tit. Thanks for all your kind posts Ladies. Sorry for stressing on you.

lol, glad it went well :D

Glad it all went well.

o bugger, its all smoothed over about the uppercase letters. i wanted to stir.
hate-capitals - on-the -internet- and -had - a mathematical- not grammatical- education - type -emoticon
seriously though glad to hear it went ok

Lesson learned . Glad it went so well.

Glad it went so well! Definitely stealing this party idea!!