Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to tell DD that this is not on and she can't do it?

105 replies

Ormirian · 18/07/2011 17:21

To turn down an invitation to a birthday party on saturday with some lame excuse, because she doesn't fancy it. And then invite another girl in the class to her house for a sleepover the same night.

She thinks we are being utterly unreasonable. I think she is being rude and a bit unkind. In fact I am a bit disappointed in her.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 18/07/2011 19:40

I would be most put out with both of you.

Pagwatch · 18/07/2011 19:43

I can't believe I roped peachy in too

2rebecca · 18/07/2011 19:45

If it was a big party I'd have no problem with her not going. With a small party I wouldn't make her go as 12 is old enough to start being stroppy in a "my mum made me come" sort of way and ruin things for the birthday girl. I wouldn't allow her to have anyone sleep over that weekend though. That does make her sound a bit brattish in a "your party wasn't cool enough for me so I had my own" sort of way.

DogsBestFriend · 18/07/2011 19:48

"If you invite me over for a drink and I say ' gosh, no sorry I can't. I have to go to something at dds school that night' and then, a week later you find I had subsequently invited Orm over for a drink at mine, would you think that was really nice of me and I was just peachy?

Or would you think I was a bit of a toad?"

You see, Pag, I'd just shrug and say another time maybe.

My outlook is that I don't own you, you're free to go/visit/host as you please, why would I be offended or think you a toad?

CeliaFate · 18/07/2011 19:54

Because friends don't lie to each other. They support each other and want to spend time together. They invite each other round and reply to invitations. They turn up (relatively) on time and don't make excuses as to why they don't want to come to a social event you host and invite them to. Or is just me who believes that?

mumnotmachine · 18/07/2011 19:54

Agree with Dogs.

motherinferior · 18/07/2011 19:55

Nope, I agree totally with Celia.

CeliaFate · 18/07/2011 19:55

So if you invited your child's friend to your child's party and she said she couldn't come but you later found out she'd had friends round to her house at the same time, that really wouldn't bother you? I would be very hurt.

CeliaFate · 18/07/2011 19:56

That was to mumnotmachine and Dogs btw.

motherinferior · 18/07/2011 19:56

I'd get secretly very worried and upset, and wonder who else didn't like me and was hanging out without me, if Pag did that. In fact I am now working myself up into a rage with both Paggy and Orm about their secret bloody cabal when my party's not good enough for them, huh, they think they're all that. I may post in AIBU about it.

motherinferior · 18/07/2011 19:57

AND next time Paggy has a party I personally am going to make sure Celia doesn't go.

mumnotmachine · 18/07/2011 20:00

No it wouldnt.

If my DD declined an invitiation, then theoretically its her missing out on the party.
Yes she may have enjoyed it when she got there, but I dont see the point in making a child of that age go somewhere she doesnt want to go to..

Ok so OPs DDs excuse was lame, she should have just said, "No thanks, I dont want to come", but 12yos may not be particularly discreet!!

I would be of the opinion if I was the host that DD was missing the fun- her loss

Pagwatch · 18/07/2011 20:02

Dog
Really? I have lied to you, made up an excuse and you have been telling people I can't come because I am busy. If motherinferior says ' actually dog, she isn't at paggirls school. She is meeting Celia. That was just an excuse because she probably doesn't like you that much' you would be fine?

Even 12 year old you would be fine?

(not even shocked that at 12 I have a school age dd and am arranging drinks parties?)

You people are made of sterner stuff than me

DogsBestFriend · 18/07/2011 20:03

No, Celia, it really, genuinely wouldn't bother me.

I'm a bit of a "such is life" shoulder shrugger about all this, I don't tend to sweat the small stuff.

Besides, a response such as "Forgive me, but I'm going to duck out of your party on Saturday night and catch up with Susan for a quiet weekend" wouldn't be a lie and certainly wouldn't offenc these ears.

mumnotmachine · 18/07/2011 20:05

Yep agree with Dog- much as I hate to admit it, but the world and universe, does not actually revolve around me!

*Sobs at lack of importance**

CeliaFate · 18/07/2011 20:06

mother just when I was starting to like you too. Well I may as well tell you now, I snogged your boyfriend last week. HA!

motherinferior · 18/07/2011 20:06

but that isn't the issue here. If someone rings and says 'look, I'm really sorry but I'm wiped and I am going to crash in front of the telly with my partner whom I've not seen all week' that is one thing. Saying 'er um err ummm I don't think I can come' and then whooping it up with someone else like wot Paggy and Orm are doing, don't think I've forgotten you two will you is different.

motherinferior · 18/07/2011 20:07

No, Celia, I meant I was going to make sure you didn't go either so Pag could wonder why nobody wants to go to her party, har har har see what it's like now, eh?

DogsBestFriend · 18/07/2011 20:08

Sorry, I misread (am in pain, tis my excuse!).

Even so, no, I wouldn't be stressed. Who am I to dictate to you where you should spend your Saturday night? I certainly wouldn't want you to put pressure on me to be somewhere I'd rather not be so am damned if I'd do it to you.

If the inference is that you don't like me, time will tell. I wouldn't consider a declined invitation and decision to do something else to necessarily be that kind of snub (or any kind!). All I'd say is "You're your own person FGS! You don't have to lie to me about a preference to go somewhere else you silly sod!"

CeliaFate · 18/07/2011 20:08

OH! I see. You're forgiven.

mumnotmachine · 18/07/2011 20:08

As I said, its Ops DD missing out on the party, her loss

Doesnt mean she should live in seclusion all weekend.
If shes turning down a party it says to me that its not a close friend anyway

ChristinedePizan · 18/07/2011 20:09

I'm with Orm etc. This is the age when girls can start to play power games with one another, exclude and basically bully other girls in their 'group' for fun.

I think it's unkind and I'm really surprised some of you think it's okay.

2rebecca · 18/07/2011 20:10

My kids are slightly older teenagers but they tend to just have a few friends round and I know that if one of the folk they invited didn't come and then they heard they had had someone round their house they would feel hurt. They are used to people deciding they don't want to come, last year my son invited a couple of girls as well as 3 boys (the girl he fancied and a friend!) and neither of the girls came. He shrugged it off but would probably have been upset if a boy he thought was a friend invited another friend round instead of coming.
It's not as though it's a weekend at school time and there is only Saturday night available for sleepovers either. There is no reason not to delay the sleepover by at least 1 night.

ZombiePlan · 18/07/2011 20:11

I wonder - how long has Partygirl been planning this? When I was that age, a birthday sleepover would be something that was talked about before the actual week of the party itself iyswim. I think if Partygirl has been talking about the sleepover and your DD let her think that she'd attend without actually saying she'd be there (i.e. just keeping schtum instead of being straightforward and saying she wouldn't go) then I'd make her go. If OTOH the party only got mentioned for the first time when the invitations were sent out, then I'd let her stay at home if she wanted to. I wouldn't however let her host her own event though - it sounds as though the girls are all in the same group of friends and it would be rubbing Partygirl's nose in it a bit - the news is bound to get back. Let her have her sleepover some other weekend.

2rebecca · 18/07/2011 20:12

Just thought maybe you are still at school in England, kids here seem to have been off for ages

Flip

1 2 3 4 5