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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my friend and give her baby a bottle?

51 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 09:15

It's not a bad as it sounds.....basically my friends baby is 1 and Im looking after her....friends at work on the other side of th country she stays over there.

Baby's Dad was meant to drop her athe minder this morning but yesterday the baby had Diarreah.....and so minder won't have her.

My mate rang me from work yesterday night and asked me to look after baby whilst Dad is in work today...so Dad dropped her here at 7.30 and my mate is on the train home...she will get her about 1.00pm.

Baby slept badly last night according to her Dad and is vry tired and grumpy...off her food etc but no sign of messy nappies.

My 3 year old kindly got her one of her old bottles out of the cupboard Hmm and now baby is crying for milk in a bottle...my mate gives her 4oz a day and solids so she has not brought a bottle of milk with her as she has it in the evening. I can't get thrugh to Mum or Dad and I just want to give her some milk ...she would probably sleep then....and be comforted.

I have looked after her before but is it wrong to give milk? My mate is pretty full-on about her diet...she always comes with a little bag of the "correct snacks" Bt I know she's had cows mlk in the past

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/07/2011 09:16

why don't you contact your friend or the baby's dad and just ask ?

throckenholt · 18/07/2011 09:18

or give her water in the bottle and see if that settles her.

HoneyPablo · 18/07/2011 09:19

I would avoid milk if the baby has had an upset stomach. Some toast and a drink of water is probably a safer bet.

fgaaagh · 18/07/2011 09:21

Have you been asked not to bottle feed, specifically? I assume she didn't leave any stuff to facilitate this?

There's no WAY I would give a bottle without checking with baby's parents. especially since you've said that her routine is for milk at night plus solids.

"now baby is crying for milk in a bottle" - I'm sorry but you don't know that for sure. "I just want to give her some milk ...she would probably sleep then....and be comforted" - again, you don't know this.

"but is it wrong to give milk" - yes, YABU.

The parents of this baby seem to not want their child to drink bottled milk just now yet you seem to think you know best.

Either comply with what their wishes appear to be (and obviously only you know the full story - perhaps your friend has made comments about bottled milk being fine but baby doesn't drink it much, for all we know)... or do not agree to care for him/her.

YABU.

Check with parents first before giving it, IMHO.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 09:21

AF they're not picking up their phones....she's on a traiin and hes at work...he would probably look like this Confused if I asked hm anyway!

OP posts:
bubblesincoffee · 18/07/2011 09:22

I'd give her formula, and if you really really can't go out for some, give her some milk.

If they are prepared to trust you with their child for long days while thay are unobtainable, then they have to trust your judgement. They would be incredibly wrong to moan about you giving the baby milk in these circumstances, and if they did, they need to prioritise their baby over work. Children get sick sometimes, and parents have to take time off work.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 09:22

fgahh I think I DO know that she wants it actually...babies are pretty easy to read. She loves a bottle. But because some posters think it's not good on an upset stomach that seems sensible/

OP posts:
belgo · 18/07/2011 09:22

I would give the milk, I think the latest advice is to continue giving the baby their normal milk even when they have an upset tummy, if they can tolerate it.

fgaaagh · 18/07/2011 09:23

"AF they're not picking up their phones"

Then perhaps the childcare arrangement isn't one that suits - I know I wouldn't like to be responsible for a baby when NO ONE with primary care duties was contactable. It would make me very nervous!

"he would probably look like this Confused if I asked hm" - why? Doesn't he know what is acceptable for his child? Or he'd say "of course that's ok", or "no way, are you mad"? Need more details.

I still wouldn't give a bottle without prior approval.

kenobi · 18/07/2011 09:24

Dilute the milk or put something else in the bottle? It may be as much about the comfort of sucking as requiring the actual milk.

belgo · 18/07/2011 09:24

I agree with fgarrg - they have put you in a difficult situation if they are uncontactable.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 09:24

Is it belgo? I thin I might send a text to my friend....she may get that....and if not well at lest I'm being honest. Baby is unsettled and grunmpy....notat home and no Mum or Dad....it's instinct to want to feed her somethiing she'll like...she is clutching the empty bottle and whinging al the tme....

OP posts:
fgaaagh · 18/07/2011 09:25

"I think I DO know that she wants it actually...babies are pretty easy to read. She loves a bottle."

But it's not your place to guess (yes, GUESS) what this child needs nutritionally.

Either stick with stuff that;s been approved by the parents, or ask their permission. JUST IN CASE.

is it so hard to get? Hmm

Danthe4th · 18/07/2011 09:25

You could give the milk but water it down half and half so the baby gets a drink and its a bit lighter on the tummy.

AnyFucker · 18/07/2011 09:26

I see you are emergency child care, Op

all the more reason for one of them to be contactable

tbh though, I would just hang on until 1pm, and not go against something that seems very clear to you would be opposite to their wishes

fgaaagh · 18/07/2011 09:27

Hang on - how long are you looking after this little one?

I just spotted you've said the mum is the other side of the country, so this isn't a single day, right? And dad wouldn't know what to advise?

What happens if this baby has a genuine need for a primary carer's input? A rash, a fall, something truly upsettnig happens?

I would feel very, very uncomfortable in the OP's setup Shock

bubblesincoffee · 18/07/2011 09:29

It is her place to guess though!

The parents have trusted her with their baby, they should trust her to do what she thinks is best at the time.

They have chosen to use OP as emergency childcare, they have to accept that if their work schedules are so demanding that they can't be there to look after their own child when she is sick, then other people are going to make descisions on their behalf.

AnyFucker · 18/07/2011 09:29

fg, baby's mum is picking her up at 1pm if I understand OP correctly

Ormirian · 18/07/2011 09:29

I think they have been utterly unreasonable to have put you in this position. If someone was looking after my 1yr old I'd have to be sure I was contactable!

You can't do this but I can see why you are tempted.

pozzled · 18/07/2011 09:29

I think given that you are providing emergency care for a sick child, and are unable to contact the parents, you have to use your own judgement and do whatever you think best. Do you know why the child only normally has a little milk at bedtime?

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 09:29

Fghaa....pee off...you sound ridiculous....what are you? The babysitting police? Hmm

OP posts:
cat64 · 18/07/2011 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fimbo · 18/07/2011 09:30

I would put water in the bottle and give her that tbh.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 09:31

Family are very close to me....pozzled no reason other than Mum had her well weaned by 9 months and on one bottle only by 10 or 11....she likes her to have mainly solids.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/07/2011 09:33

raggy, fg does have a point

if something happened to the child, you do not have parental responsibilty (to give permission for something like emergency surgery, for example)

however, of course this is an emergency, which cannot be helped

either parent should be contactable though, in the event of the child becoming unwell or needing hospital treatment

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