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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ignore my friend and give her baby a bottle?

51 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 09:15

It's not a bad as it sounds.....basically my friends baby is 1 and Im looking after her....friends at work on the other side of th country she stays over there.

Baby's Dad was meant to drop her athe minder this morning but yesterday the baby had Diarreah.....and so minder won't have her.

My mate rang me from work yesterday night and asked me to look after baby whilst Dad is in work today...so Dad dropped her here at 7.30 and my mate is on the train home...she will get her about 1.00pm.

Baby slept badly last night according to her Dad and is vry tired and grumpy...off her food etc but no sign of messy nappies.

My 3 year old kindly got her one of her old bottles out of the cupboard and now baby is crying for milk in a bottle...my mate gives her 4oz a day and solids so she has not brought a bottle of milk with her as she has it in the evening. I can't get thrugh to Mum or Dad and I just want to give her some milk ...she would probably sleep then....and be comforted.

I have looked after her before but is it wrong to give milk? My mate is pretty full-on about her diet...she always comes with a little bag of the "correct snacks" Bt I know she's had cows mlk in the past

OP posts:

fgaaagh · 18/07/2011 09:33

i see, 1pm isn't so bad then. apologies for missing that part of the OP. i'm on a tiny screen and didn't spot that.

cat64 - that's exactly what would make me weary about accepting childcare duties for this child. i've taken care of a child which developed a rash overnight, of course in the end it turned out to be nothing, but it did highlight how important it is to be contactable in some way with parents when babysitting others (even if it's just a message left with the reception desk at a work - I realise not all people can carry a mobile phone as some employers don't allow it, or it's not practical).

OP - "pee off"?

Original poster

MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 09:33

I will try water...maybe it's jus the bottle which looks attactive to her atm....she didnt' sleep well and may connect it with a nice sleep.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 18/07/2011 09:35

if I were you, I would try to hang on until 1pm

it's only a couple of hours now

good luck

kenobi · 18/07/2011 09:35

DD was well weaned by nine months and still reverted to asking for milk when she was sick.
It won't ruin her weaning structure if she has some milk now, but personally I think it'll be tough on her stomach.
Do you have any kind of cordial like sugar-free ribena that you can make up with a little warm water into a comforting drink?

SheCutOffTheirTails · 18/07/2011 09:35

You are looking after the child, so you need to use your own judgement. And that is what they want you to do too.

A small child is sick, so you do what is right for the kid, not what fits in with her parents' nutritional plans for the day.

Make the decision about whether to give her milk on the basis that milk is the best thing to give her. The fact that she wants a bottle doesn't really mean a lot - my 1 yo goes apeshit when she sees bottles. She will try to nick them off babies if you don't keep an eye on her. But it's no sign that she should have a bottle right then.

However, an unplanned bottle if she's not eating and is unwell and upset is fine, and if her parents are reasonable they will be glad you gave it to her. They can't put you in charge of a sick child and expect you to live life according to a rulebook.

larrygrylls · 18/07/2011 09:35

Personally, I would just give her the milk. You are in loco parentis and the parents are not contactable. Cows' milk gets a lot of bad press but it is good for most babies and no reason not to form a small part of their diet from weaning onwards. It is just not a "nutritionally balanced" feed for babies. I.E they would be malnourished if fed EXCLUSIVELY on cows' milk.

IDontDoIroning · 18/07/2011 09:36

Longer term I think they need to consider their work/ childcare arrangements.
They are very lucky child has got to 1 without having a bug preventing them from attending childcare. This type of thing is going to happen again more than once.
If I read your op right, the mum works away so emergency childcare for these situations need to be sorted longer term . Why was she away if baby was ill, why did dad have to go to work? That's what emergency parental leave is for.
At the very least they should be contactable.
Under the circs you are doing them a huge favour and it would be rude and ungrateful if they were to complain if you gave her a bottle. (food allergies or other issues etc excepted of course).

SheCutOffTheirTails · 18/07/2011 09:37

Don't make a 1 year old miserable for hours because you don't have her parents' permission to give her a bottle. If you think milk is the right thing for her, then give her milk.

It's not like she doesn't normally have bottles.

TheSecondComing · 18/07/2011 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pozzled · 18/07/2011 09:39

"she likes her to have mainly solids."

Well that doesn't sound like they have a huge objection to milk, if that is the only reason I would personally think it didn't really apply to an ill baby. And OP, if I were the friend I would be so grateful to you for stepping in (and apologetic for not being contactable) that I wouldn't dare to criticise any decisions that you had made.

However, I would probably try all other methods to comfort/calm her first, but if nothing else worked I would give the milk.

I hope you get her settled soon.

SheCutOffTheirTails · 18/07/2011 09:55

I do have a phone on me all day at work, but if a childminder rang me to ask if they could give a poorly 1 year old an unscheduled bottle, I'd be

If a friend did it, I'd be happy to take the call, as it's a different kind of arrangement. But I would not expect to be called about this by someone I trusted with care of my child.

That's the deal - if someone else is looking after the child, you have to give them latitude to use their judgement. If you won't, then you need to look after your kid yourself.

4madboys · 18/07/2011 09:56

she is poorly and wants comfort, if her comfort is milk in a bottle then i would give it, its not like she never has milk in a bottle, just not normally at this time of the day, but its not a normal day, she is tired and poorly so i would guess her parents would do the same?

its unfortunate you cant contact them to check BUT you are responsible for the baby at the moment and if you would think it would help then i would offer the bottle, i am sure her parents wouldnt want her to be upset?

PenguinPatter · 18/07/2011 09:58

I'd give her something in the bottle - maybe start with water then try dulited milk or something. I'd want to keep the fluid levels up with a baby that had Diarreah - even it is the day after I worry more about fluids intake than solid food.

Send a text message - saying what you are doing and when then say if they are not happy to get in touch asap.

SpecialFriedRice · 18/07/2011 10:04

I know you've said the parents are strict re her diet and that. But when a child is sick I generally think all strict rules regarding what they can and can't have are off. Its just important they get something in their wee tummys. If she's been off her food she is probably starving. I would give her the milk. Not too much in case she gulps it down and makes herself sick. If her mum has a problem with it then you could nicely point out that herself of babys dad should have been available.

Zimm · 18/07/2011 10:04

I would give it to her.

The baby has milk as part of her diet so it's not like OP is giving anything she would not normally have
Yes the advice is to give sick babies their normal milk, possibly diluted if they have stomach bugs
This baby sounds hungry! she hasn't eaten - she needs calories, why on earth not milk?

As for 'likes her to have mainly solids" - well then she's just plain wrong. Milk is an important part of a one year old's diet, sounds like the parent needs educating a bit here, 4oz of milk a day is not enough for a one year old in any case. I'm assuming we're talking about a 12 monther not a 23 monther here. The parents needs to trust the OP's judgement - it's only bloody milk!

BlueFergie · 18/07/2011 10:07

Yes PenguinPatter thats what I was thinking. If she has had diarrohea I would be very concious of making sure she gets enough fluids, especially if she was looking for them. Poor mite could very well be thirsty.

I don't really get the problem. My kids often have a cup of cows milk during the day, even with meals I have never noticed any knock on impact on appetite. Surely its just a drink not a snack?

Original poster

MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 10:47

I have always been a bit about the 4oz thing too...it doesn't seenm enough butthe baby is a lovely weight and very happy so ho am I to judge?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 18/07/2011 10:52

I'd give it to the baby. YOu are the one primarily responsible for her at the moment, it is you having to put up with the grumpiness, and if your friend doesn't like it tough titties, don't leave a sick baby with someone else and piss off to work.

gorionine · 18/07/2011 11:01

I can only talk for myself but if my baby had been crying a lot for quite some time at a friends house who suspects he/she wants some milk I would hope they give him/her some and would not wait another two hours! Surely you cannot let a baby get hungry or thirsty because his parents cannot be contacted that is silly and put you in a tyerrible situation. I doubt that if you give him a little bit to during during the day once it wil;l destroy totally the routine that seem to be well established but as I said that 's just me.

Now in your situation OP I would start by giving just water only because you know the child has had an upset tummy the previous day.

kenobi · 18/07/2011 12:29

What did you do, Mumbling?

ENormaSnob · 18/07/2011 13:01

4oz of milk per day is not enough for a 12 month old.

ragged · 18/07/2011 13:08

I'd be offering the baby milk if it were me, OP. The mother hasn't exactly left you with good alternative options.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 18/07/2011 13:08

You know she drinks milk, you know she has a bottle. So she's OK with the basic elements. Ultimately, she's been dumped on you at the last minute, you can't make contact with anyone to check, she is upset and wants something that there's nothing stopping you giving her? So I hope you gave her a bottle. The sky won't fall in despite what some posters are saying.

RitaMorgan · 18/07/2011 13:14

4oz of milk a day is too little for a 12 month old anyway, should be more like 12oz. I'd have given her a bottle if you felt she needed it.

Original poster

MumblingRagDoll · 18/07/2011 16:46

I didn't give it in the end...she fell suddenly asleep as I was boiling the kettle to wash DDs bottle for her. I was thinking of trying her with water and if tat didn't please her was going to give some milk and tell my friend.

My mate is a very good parent but has some fixed ideas...she's also having a mare in work atm so I will always be there as emergency care for her DD...she's a lovely baby.

OP posts:

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