To not understand how people force toddlers to be restrained

[kitkey]

This is about some response on another thread about forcing a toddler to sit in a trolley - I have heard it before and people say the same about highchairs. I have two bogs and never have I been able to force them in a trolley seat or highchair against their will. Firstly the straps are often just map belt so if the stand up are useless - if you keep making them sit down time after time - you get nowhere and then they scream the place down caused annoyance to others. I just don't get how people can just say "just sit them in the trolley" or " pop them in the highchair". Are these children just less determined and less naughty or is there a technique to restraining a raging toddler!

Penguin, don't worry my daughter has rewritten the definition of determined!!
I know all about that, and also houdini children, of which both of mine are.
Exactly why I don't take them shopping in the first place!! :O

Of course I have things where I / we make the final decision as a parent.
Not just because I say so though. In this case it's a question of if /why a child should be restrained.
As you said it's an individual case of assessing the needs. I don't agree with those posters who think it is really necessary to 'train' your children to do so for a high chair or shopping trolley for example.

My point to OP: Kitkey, was to let her know that I don't restrain mine in those circumstances either, and I don't personally think you do really need to have your kids do it, otherwise you are a 'weak' parent etc as, has been implied / stated in some posts. :)

hazeyjane
Obviously, some of can do and it and some of us can't. It's my job, I do it all day and everyday. I work with toddlers. Ok, I don't take them out in trollies round the supermarket. But every day they have to sit in highchairs, sit on chairs, sit for a story, go to bed, line up to go outside/inside, take turns on the play equipment, have their nappies changed and have suncream and sunhats on etc.

it all depends how you treat your children at home, if you let them get away with murder they wont behave when out. If you treat them like toddlers rather than babies at 2-3 then they will act like toddlers and listen to you.

You cant expect a 2yr old to act like a toddler at home but when out make them behave like a baby. Listen to what they want, what they say etc etc. My 3 yr old is a demanding little bugger but i ask him do you want to walk or go in the trolley? He will say he wants to walk, but i warn if he runs off once he will be in the trolley.

He runs off, i grab him, in the trolley he goes. He can cry, kick, scream all he likes, he was warned. Nowadays he knows whats coming if he runs off.

Cory, fair dos re the vital, but that was the point I was making too, we have different circumstances.
I mentioned that in the plane scenario I needed to restrain my daughter, other options were not viable for example etc etc.

The point was / is rather that Kitkey says she has two boys she's never been able to restrain against their will.
I'm asking him / her does s/he need to though? Some posters are saying you need to {regardless of circumstances}.
I'm saying mine don't either, don't worry about it if you don't want to, not all kids stay in their chairs, you're not alone and if you don't need to {in your own circumstances} don't feel bad about them not doing it. :)

Its like when a toddler runs off, you chase him he will run further.

If DS2 runs off (which can be a daily thing) i walk the other way shouting 'ok bye bye' (obviously keeping eye on him) and he soons runs back shouting 'Mummy mummy'

My friends little boy runs off and she chases him, i was with her one day and shes shouting 'DS come back here this instant, come back here now, do as i say'

Hes not going to listen to his mummy who is shouting at him. I said to her walk off the other direction (he was stood about 3 car lengths away and kept jumping back everytime she shouted him, if she chased him he ran) so i said walk the other way, and she wouldnt. In the end she started walking off shouting 'OK DS bye bye' and he came running back shouting 'mummy'

Play them at their own game. Some people might think 'oh its not that easy' but it is.

Its like these ones who say i cant control him/her. Your not stern enough, you have to show them from an early age YOU are BOSS, not them, not teddy, not the car garage, YOU.

Of course it's sensible to try and avoid situations like tiredness, hunger etc that contribute to to tantrums. But both of my kids would tantrum if you stopped them causing havoc regardless. I wasn't just going to allow them to run free and carry on in case they cried and embarrassed me!
Not everyone can afford to have their shopping delivered - I have mine delivered but still have to top up with fresh things. You can't avoid doing anything your toddler doesn't like at all times. I would also say that you're not a sp just because your dh works long hours.
And I'm not sure what you don't understand by not wanting to reward your child fro screaming - it seems quite simple to me.

as others have said, it's that balance between safety and necessity. I've never forced any of mine to sit in the trolleys at supermarkets cos for me that is unsafe - they stand up while your back's turned, try and jump out, possibly hurt themselves. we just did shopping other ways instead when they were going through a stroppy phase - in pushchair with basket, at night without kids, on internet
otoh, I have friends who didn't bother strapping their kids into car seats cos they didn't like it. for me (and the law) car seats were non-negotiable - but that was helped by the fact that they're a lot harder to wriggle out of as well.

the worst thing is having kids in the car who've been brought up with the 'optional' approach to seatbelts, and keep taking them off while you're driving. aaaargh

Dear lord- it's quite simple really.
YOU, the PARENT decide what you want the outcome to be, then insist on that from the beginning. If you are saying that you strap the child into the car seat EVERY time, and the child accepts that and complies, then apply the same strategy to other desirable outcomes; ALWAYS strap child/children into the trolley, highchair etc. Use old fashioned harness which cannot be opened by child. If child becomes bored in shop-distract with someting to hold. It's not a form of child abuse, you will get the shopping done more quickly and safely. Children running unsupervised in a busy supermarket are a PITA for everone else.
meribucket- surely no-one has an "optional approach" to seat belts; they have not enforced the rules so the child is deciding they are optional.
I don't agree with all this "give them the option"-there is no option for these things-YOU decide. Leave the option for something which doesn't matter- what flavour of ice-cream, darling? Choose the pale blue of dark blue t-shirt, (mummy has already decided it will be blue).

get extra harness that strap accross the front (lap straps are a waste of time) to take out with you & dont give in. the sooner the little ones realise hoe to behave where the easier & more pleasurable outings will become for everyone. Be strong, youre in charge ;)

Finding this thread amusing, my dd2 is 3, and is a nightmare due to SN issues,
No I do not give in, dd2 will scream solidly for 3 hours, she's done it in the car before for the simple reason that she did not want to go in the car. She has a speech and language delay, so when she is tantruming she will not look at you to read signs, and will scream continuously as she doesn't have the words to explain her problem. You soon learn to drown out the screaming. You have to when nothing that you say or do will actually calm DC down.

Right, ways to restrain DC (usually done for her own safety, she him balm herself or others during her tantrums, she can get out of a 5 point harness in less than a minute. And climb out of a trolley.
Buggy: unclip shoulder straps from lap belt, cross them over behind her back, then re-connect to lap belt.
Supermarket trolley: hook under the bar that the seat is on, make them as tight as possible, and do up over lap.

Yes I agree with the perseverance route. If mine misbehave when out at a restaurant I just bring them home and they lose treats. I always follow through and so long as they aren't massively over tired or something it seems to work.

I force my 3 year old into the trolley seat. If i didnt i would loose her.

I once just put her in the trolley but then the ASDA Tannoy bloke shamed me so i havent done that again

I always follow through, dd2 goes in trolley/ buggy/ car seat whether she fights it or not.
It's still a fight every time.

Ps dd1 was an angel and did exactly as she was told, so I know I've not failed as a parent because I have to wrestle dd2 into something she doesn't want to do but has to because if it's for her safety.

Brute physical force = firmness IMO.

I don't sweat the small stuff, if stuff doesn't matter then they don't have to do it. But when I say 'You need to sit in the trolley while I do the shopping' I mean it and he will sit in the trolley. If he screams and yells and twists and tries to get out, tough shit.

Do I feel bad for other people who have to hear this? Yep. But I need to get the shopping done, I have the baby with me. That is life, I hear other people's kids, I hear adults making noise, welcome to a community.

DS1 was an easy going passive little dude, only had a couple of times with him yelling, DS2 can be a screaming demon when things are not going his way. Tough shit.

I agree with a previous poster that it is about confidence in yourself. I am absolutely sure that my way is the right way, there is no highway option so I make them do it.

I too feel for the PP who physically can't restrain her 3 year old, what a PITA that must be! I suspect DS1 now at 7 would take some restraining but it hasn't come up for years because we were able to early on.

Morloth, ever the voice of reason :).

I have a screamer, slip out of the straps on supermarket trollies, toddler. I do the shopping online.

Thats what i resorted to a year ago. I just could not stand the screaming. I was lobbing anything in the trolley just get out the place.

sensible solutions at last