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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand how people force toddlers to be restrained

119 replies

kitkey · 17/07/2011 09:15

This is about some response on another thread about forcing a toddler to sit in a trolley - I have heard it before and people say the same about highchairs. I have two bogs and never have I been able to force them in a trolley seat or highchair against their will. Firstly the straps are often just map belt so if the stand up are useless - if you keep making them sit down time after time - you get nowhere and then they scream the place down caused annoyance to others. I just don't get how people can just say "just sit them in the trolley" or " pop them in the highchair". Are these children just less determined and less naughty or is there a technique to restraining a raging toddler!

OP posts:
FreudianSlipper · 17/07/2011 10:22

i would not consider a child not sitting in their high chair or a trolley naughty

i never used the straps, as soon as i did ds would wriggle out, the high chair didn't last long and at times he would sit in the shopping trolley other times he wouldn't, but only having one child i can restrain him easily when needed at times it is necessary most of the time it is not

littlemisssarcastic · 17/07/2011 10:25

I know this may come across as a stupid question, but why do you give in when you do? Why is your DH soft with the DC?
Perhaps someone can offer more constructive advice if we know why you 'give in' when you do?

SpecialFriedRice · 17/07/2011 10:26

I've never had a problem getting DD in a highchair or trolley.

There have been times shes thrown a wobbler when I've tried to get her in a trolley and starts wriggling and kicking. But as I am considerable larger than her I can overpower her. And when she tries to get back out I use the mum voice and/or look. She knows better than to mess around after she's been given "the look"!

What I say, goes. End of.

blackeyedsusan · 17/07/2011 10:27

i am the mother that can be heard saying walk or trolley as small boy dangles from his reigns or arm. (not good for him as the health visitor says but he all of a sudden picks his feet up and dangles and there is a short intermission whilst I stop trolley crashing into those bottles of wine they have at the end of aisles or mowing down some poor unsuspecting old lady)

sometimes he is dangled over the trolley as a reminder to walk, but the is only so much dangling and messing around I can stand...(3 strikes and you are out in )then in he goes... sometimes screaming often not as he is tired of doing laps round the clothes/toys/household.

it helps if you have pretightened the straps and the are quite tight over their lap. if they do the going rigid thing, a good tickleto the tummy causes them to collapse long enough to pull their legs through the trolley and strap them in...

and if they kick scream bite or pinch you push the trolley round backwards whilst quietly pretending the child does not exist and is noothing to do with you.

FreudianSlipper · 17/07/2011 10:34

specialfriedrice do you have a robot that you have trained to fear the mum look or voice

i am glad i do not as much as he is a handful at times

Original poster
kitkey · 17/07/2011 10:35

Well he isn't soft in some situations same as me - must hold hand in street, getting dressed for nursery, washing hair, going to bed, sit-in car seat, no fighting, hitting etc but some battles that can be avoided like sitting in trolley seat or high chair we always find alternatives. Have got a lot tougher as they have got older but under age 2 probably did pander to them a bit. Will be tougher with new dc for sure - have no choice with 3 under 4.

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 17/07/2011 10:36

Sometimes it's just not that easy! I have an extremely strong and wilful DS aged 3, and by extremely strong I mean he can knock my DH off his feet when he's determined (DH is 5'11" ex county rugby player) !
I'm 4'11 petite and disabled - guess which one if us DS takes after Wink
So if he doesn't want to do something sometimes I physically CAN'T make him, he also seems to be related to Houdini as far as latches, locks, safety belts and gates are concerned.
This means that sometimes it is me who is reduced to tears, but mainly I try to be clever rather than physical and often resort to bribery or threats coupled with trying to predict and outsmart my toddler, oh and sometimes I just let it go, life is too short to worry about the chaos. Generally it works and he's actually far worse with daddy who can 'make' him behave Grin

queenmaeve · 17/07/2011 10:38

In the supermarket/ car seat I usually point to a sign and say 'look it says chidren must be in their seat' or 'quick the cross man is coming, quick buckle up, He looks really cross'. I have gave in once or twice about the trolley but once ds would venture off he goes in. Although it is amazing how some dc can be trusted to not run away. My friend is in a wheelchair and he goes out with his ds 2.5 walking behind the chair. The ds never strays from being in direct line behind his dads chair. Its so sweet to watch.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 17/07/2011 10:44

This is going to get me flamed i spose, but why cant the kids walk round if they want to? Have i been commiting a serious faux pas by just letting them roam around the shop with me/DH? They walk about with DH choosing the odd toy or treat, and i zoom up and down the isles getting the shopping. Of course it takes longer....but everything involving DC takes longer Confused

giraffesCantZumba · 17/07/2011 10:46

Looked after many different children and some are just so much better at escaping/have no fear than others. You can train them to an extent by repeatedly enforcing/distraction but some can escape out anything and will make a break for it even if having a wonderful time! They 18month -2 stage is hardest for that I think as can't reason with them.

HairyFrotter · 17/07/2011 10:48

If dd was being a pest she went in the trolley. She did scream at first but I didn't give in as I figured that if you let them continue to run riot because they have screamed and it's embarrassing then it just teaches them what strings they have to pull when you're out of the house. They eventually learned that they have to behave or be strapped in to buggy/trolley etc.
I've seen a lot of parents who give in to their kids because they scream - their kids are invariably brats who scream a lot.

worraliberty · 17/07/2011 10:49

I think it's a case of never giving in.

Even willfull toddlers learn that there's no point in crying for certain things because it will get them nowhere.

If the parent decides very early on that there will be no compromise on sitting in the buggy/trolley then the toddler eventually learns.

I think it's when a parent says "No, sit down...I mean it...you must stay there" and then simply rolls their eyes when the child does the opposite.

I see it a lot in the school playground and the inconsistency of the parent, must be very confusing for the toddler.

StrikeUpTheBand · 17/07/2011 10:52

DS used to be a real nightmare as a toddler to get into a pushchair, trolley seat, carseat etc. He particularly did not want his pushchair and would try to bite and pinch Blush. One good way though is to distract. Put something into their hand so they are distracted or sing a song. Especially for those times you don't want a scene.

DilysPrice · 17/07/2011 10:55

Babydubs there's nothing wrong with letting them walk if there's another parent there to keep an eye on them; it's the one parent, trolley, child(ren) situation where you're better off keeping them in the trolley, because otherwise you run out of hands.

worraliberty · 17/07/2011 10:56

I have fond memories of saying "Oh, look at the flying monkey!"

I always felt a bit guilty that they never got to see one, but by the time they were strapped into their buggies, they'd convinced themselves they had Blush

Although it was always a bit embarrassing that DH would automatically look up in the sky too Grin

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/07/2011 10:57

You just ignore the tears and tantrums and don't give in. Giving in for a "quiet life" is making a rod for you your own back.

firstforthought · 17/07/2011 11:00

Remember when DD was a toddler and I was struggling to sit her in the buggy (wasn't giving in)! Stranger came along and happily help the buggy in place so that I could get her in! Dreading toddlerhood now as DS is 8 months.... lol

januaryjojo · 17/07/2011 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos · 17/07/2011 11:03

Our distraction technique in supermarkets was Curly the catterpillar. We would have to try and spot him as he would regularly hide behind cereal boxes/milk cartons etc and throw cream cakes and trifles at us. It got so regular the kids would pretend he had splattered them and "wipe" off the cream and custard making disgusted noises Blush

worraliberty · 17/07/2011 11:04

Aww that's so sweet Headfirst Grin

notcitrus · 17/07/2011 11:05

Sticking ds in a high chair or trolley was easy when he was a small toddler, and admittedly he was usually pretty good. If he wasn't I could hold him in place.
Now he's nearly 3, usually very good in the trolley, just as well as he can and does undo the strap, but there was a day recently he had a right old strop and tried repeatedly to climb out - obviously just after I'd been given a freebie coffee and couldn't find anywhere to put it - luckily a worker came by as I was about to drop it all over the floor in favour of hanging onto ds!

When I'm by myself I put the pushchair folded in the trolley so I can do 'trolley or pushchair - right, pushchair then' if need be. He's pretty much grown out of highchairs and kneels on the chairs in restaurants. I've just invested in a backpack-with-reins for him for walking around and helping me drag him along when he stages a sit-down protest. Some children are more stubborn than others and I have a very stubborn one (as agreed by nursery and rest of family with similar-aged boys), so I just have to be more stubborn than he is...

worraliberty · 17/07/2011 11:08

I used to love that advert where the Mum threw herself on the supermarket floor and had a huge tantrum in front of her amazed toddler Grin

DoMeDon · 17/07/2011 11:20

There are some things that are non-negotiable and agree you shouldn't give in. I also think DC can walk around a supermarket with you or get down from a high chair to run about. Outings should be nice for all involved.

Sirzy · 17/07/2011 11:44

Children walking around the supermarket is fine if they are walking and walking WITH the parent. I have just got back from a horrendous trip from asda which was topped off by me nearly knocking over two toddlers (under 5) who were running up and down the centre aisle while mum carried on shopping occasionally saying "don't run to far"

HairyFrotter · 17/07/2011 11:54

Exactly Sirzy! DD has always been able to walk around if she behaved herself but if she was running around/running off or messing with stuff on the shelves she went in the trolley. How else would she learn to behave? And how would I get my shopping done while she was running riot?
If she cried it was, as my mum would say, tough titty! I quickly learned to turn my eyes, ears off to peoples reactions to her tantrums. There was no way I was going to teach her that that was how to get what she wanted.