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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand how people force toddlers to be restrained

119 replies

kitkey · 17/07/2011 09:15

This is about some response on another thread about forcing a toddler to sit in a trolley - I have heard it before and people say the same about highchairs. I have two bogs and never have I been able to force them in a trolley seat or highchair against their will. Firstly the straps are often just map belt so if the stand up are useless - if you keep making them sit down time after time - you get nowhere and then they scream the place down caused annoyance to others. I just don't get how people can just say "just sit them in the trolley" or " pop them in the highchair". Are these children just less determined and less naughty or is there a technique to restraining a raging toddler!

OP posts:

DilysPrice · 17/07/2011 09:42

I think it's mostly about total self-belief. My two were stubborn/tantrummy/ASD but the things that I was 100% definite about (car seats, tooth cleaning, staying in bed at bedtime) did get done because I had not one sliver of doubt in my mind that they were necessary.

The stuff that I classed in my own mind as "nice to have" tended not to get done.

Geepers · 17/07/2011 09:42

Kitkey, sitting in trolleys inte supermarket and in highchairs to eat are not negotiable rules in this house. If they scream and protest, tough shit. I have 6 children with the youngest two being 17 month twins. Can you imagine the carnage if I let all my children dictate what they were doing?

EssentialFattyAcid · 17/07/2011 09:43

Kitkey how do you deal with the situation if you can't make them do it

Goblinchild · 17/07/2011 09:44

You buy a tracking device, carry a full first aid kit and always wear shoes you can run in.
You develop a thick skin and become oblivious to the criticisms of others.

SeniorWrangler · 17/07/2011 09:46

Some tantrum more than others.
There's a lot to be said for the karate chop method for those who do. Or ear plugs.

Goblinchild · 17/07/2011 09:47

It's about the balance between safety and freedom though. Not being in a supermarket seat, possibility of injury and loss.
Not being strapped into a car seat, illegal and possibility of death.
Anyone remember the thread about a delayed aircraft because little Appollonious didn't want to wear his seatbelt and everyone tried to negotiate with him?

Iggly · 17/07/2011 09:47

Well we make the trolley seem very exciting and DS gets in no problem. Not sure being a boy matters! Sometimes he wants to get down but we distract or shop quickly!

sillybillies · 17/07/2011 09:47

I can get mine to stay in car seats and the buggy but they get out of supermarket trolleys and highchairs.

OP - totally understand where you are coming from. Both of my DD's are skinny little wrigglers and could give Houdini and run for his money. Supermarket trolleys are sooooo easy to get out of that they end up standing in the trolley half the time. We do battle on but to be honest I can't force her to stay in unless I hold her in. Can get them in no problem, its keeping them in thats the problem.

Car seats are different as once in, they can't get out although sometimes the arms come out (have sat on the roundabout off the M1 for 15 minutes until my eldest put her arms back in) and I don't think the OP mentioned car seats anyway.

Original poster

kitkey · 17/07/2011 09:50

Well I would carry them and push the trolley or just take buggy and small basket. Ds2 I often made to sit on trolley but the screaming makes me not concentrate. Never had problem with car seat or buggy but highchairs always a problem - neither of them would sit for a whole meal and would moan and ruin it for others so would get them out and sit on my lap or me or DH take them outside and take turns eating. Think I have made some serious errors with them.

OP posts:

maypole1 · 17/07/2011 09:52

Morloth I am with you this thread is one on those weak parenting threads.

Well if little tim dose not want to you should make them..... Dear lord it makes me laugh overtime I read these threads their was one about not forcing your child to eat at a table the other day.

No wonder the schools are having such issues so many children being brung up to believe they don't have to do as they are told.

MissMississippi · 17/07/2011 09:53

I can often get my toddler in the trolley, but when he wants out, he just undoes the seatbelt and stands on the seat, almost falling out. So I have no option to let him walk if it is quiet, or carry him (difficult on my own).

I think he would prefer to see where he was going, so if the seats faced the other way, it would be more successful, instead or "riding backwards" as it were.

Morloth · 17/07/2011 09:57

Hold his leg.

DS1 is 7 now, easiest way to get him to behave in a shop is to say 'The easier you make this, the sooner it will be over'. We all hate shopping of any description here, it is done under sufference and as quickly as possible.

Sirzy · 17/07/2011 10:02

Ds tries to stand in the trolley, I sit him down and hold onto him if needed. Still much easier than trying to carry him.

Glitterknickaz · 17/07/2011 10:02

I could handle it when they were toddlers. Easy.
It's now they're 7 and 6 and tall and strong, when they have autistic meltdowns or do the ironing board thing. Can't do it now.
Going on a course in Sept so I can hang onto them to stop them getting into danger (you can only get headbutted or bitten so many times before it gets dangerous)

littlemisssarcastic · 17/07/2011 10:04

OP, How do you do your shopping if your DC refuse to sit in a trolley?

thederkinsdame · 17/07/2011 10:06

I've had every battle imaginable with DS over car seats buggies and trolleys. He has asd so I've been bitten punched head butted - you name it. But he has done it. I'm the parent and there are times when choices aren't appropriate. I took little toys, raisins to distract him and could do a lightning quick full shop this way. Car seat wise, he learned very quickly to undo his belt. O never normally shout at him or get reLly angry. For that one though it was pull over and read him the riot act. He only did it 3 times before he learned he didn't do it. At other times he was on reins.

littlemisssarcastic · 17/07/2011 10:07

Sorry x posted.
Can you go shopping on your own and leave your DC with your DH?

AuntieMonica · 17/07/2011 10:09

kitkey please don't use these posts to berate yourself, none of us are perfect parents, and we all have different tolerance levels when it comes to DCs crying etc. people are sharing what they do, as we all like to hear what and how other people deal with things

MissMississippi i agree with that, about the seats beng the wrong way round for an older child! i've pushed the trolley 'backwards' on occassion

exoticfruits · 17/07/2011 10:11

I agree with HoneyPablo. You have to be consistent. Your body language says it all-you need to perfect 'the look'.

tabulahrasa · 17/07/2011 10:11

You deal with it the same way you do any other tantrum - unless you give in everytime they demand something?

littlemisssarcastic · 17/07/2011 10:13

OP, Do you find you 'give in' to your DC for a quiet life?

exoticfruits · 17/07/2011 10:13

It you do it from the start you don't have there endless arguments and get into the sort of position where you are having to persuade them to do up an aeroplane seat belt.(as if it is a choice)

MumblingRagDoll · 17/07/2011 10:17

Of course they'll keep getting up....it's not about some being more determined...it's about parenting. If you keep them entertained they will sit....you can't stick them in and ignore them...you have to engage them somehow and make sitting in the trolley a GOOD thing to them.

spiderpig8 · 17/07/2011 10:19

You buy a harness and reins.Unclip the harness part.Affix snugly to child e and clip the harness directly onto the trolleyor d-rings on trhe high chair so there isn't enough loosness in the apparatus to allow them to stand up or slip out

Original poster

kitkey · 17/07/2011 10:19

i don't give in all the time but probably more than i should. DH is soft too.

OP posts:

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