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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad at my cousin for calling this man a dirty pervert?

49 replies

OscarLove · 15/07/2011 18:49

My cousin and I were on the bus this morning taking our DC to school and nursery. The bus was very busy so I sat near the back with my DC and 2 of my cousins children and she sat at the front with her youngest DS who is 4 sitting a few seats infront as there was no room for them to sit together. It was a smallish bus so I couls hear what was being said at the front.

A man got on a few stops later and stood at the front, just infront of where cousins DS was sat. The man was in his early 40's I would guess and was watching my cousins DS I noticed. He had a little smile on his face so I thought he must like children and perhaps cousins DS reminds him of his kids or whatever. The man then gave cousins DS a £1 coin and told him to go and treat himself to some sweeties. My cousin then said 'keep your money you bloody paedo, I've seen you staring at my son you dirty little pig' and threw the coin back at him. I then intervened and told the man I was sorry for my cousins behaviour and that my cousins DS would treat himself to some sweets and thanks very much for his kindness, and he handed the coin back and looked grateful that at least someone was appreciative. My cousin then stomped off the bus early, leaving me to take her DC to school. I tried to ring her, but she's hung up on me twice!

OP posts:
LaWeasleyAintWeaselyAnymore · 15/07/2011 18:54

I think your cousin has issues.

CQrrrneee · 15/07/2011 18:56

she abandoned her child on the bus? wow

Bloodymary · 15/07/2011 18:59

Oh dear, what in the world is wrong with your cousin?
Her behaviour was appaling anyway, but to storm off of the bus and leave you to deal with her children Confused

AgentZigzag · 15/07/2011 18:59

It's unusual for someone to offer a child money for treats these days, probably because of the stereotypical 'do you want to see some puppies/have some sweeties'.

Loads of people smile and talk to DD2 now she's toddling about when we're out and about, there's no way I could sustain that amount of suspicion and anger.

You were not being unreasonable but your cousin was, she'll calm down eventually, but don't take responsibility for her behaviour because you did nothing wrong Smile

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 15/07/2011 18:59

I wouldn't be happy with a total stranger giving my DC money, and I would never allow them to take it- no child should be taking things off strangers. I would be furious if you undermined me and allowed my child to accept that money.

BUT.... Your cousin shoulldn't have accused this man of being a pervert etc, that was out of order. Having said that, if she noticed him staring at her DS she may have felt threatened. I know if I thought someone was looking at my daughter in the way your cousin thinks this man was looking at her child I'd be very upset.

Also can't beileve any adult would think giving a child they had never met money. What on earth was he thinking??? Bloody mine field surely!

ratspeaker · 15/07/2011 19:00

So she thought the guy was a paedo but then left them on the bus with him
???????????????????

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 15/07/2011 19:01

Ooh meant to add, your cousin abandoning her kids on a bus was totally out of order, even more so than her reaction to this man really.

Goblinchild · 15/07/2011 19:01

Depends if he was British or not, it is common in some other cultures, although usually with younger children. Your cousin sounds foul.

AgentZigzag · 15/07/2011 19:02

Could your cousin have had any personal experiences that made her act in such an OTT way?

worraliberty · 15/07/2011 19:02

Your cousin has issues but you should not have undermined her by taking the man's money and telling him the child would treat himself, if his Mum wouldn't allow it.

Original poster
OscarLove · 15/07/2011 19:03

She abandoned all three of her kids on the bus. She wouldn't have done it if they'd have been alone, but because I was there, she probably thought it was ok Hmm Well, it was because I feel sorry for her kids. She's like a fishwife and I think it embarasses the oldest one a bit when she's all loud and using bad language and he's trying to be cool infront of his mates. Think vicky pollard and you're almost there.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 15/07/2011 19:04

Yes Goblin, the Italians absolutely dote on the children they see out, it's really lovely to see Smile

Original poster
OscarLove · 15/07/2011 19:06

When he was watching her little boy I did feel uneasy at first, but then I thought to myself that when i'm alone without my dc, I often find myself watching other peoples little kids because they're cute and interesting. Why, because he's a man should he be up to no good?

OP posts:
knittedbreast · 15/07/2011 19:09

you dont even have to go as far as italy! go up north they do it there too!

TheMonster · 15/07/2011 19:11

Oh the poor man!
Maybe your cousin felt embarrassed and that's why she got off the bus.

wigglesrock · 15/07/2011 19:13

My girls have been given pound coins quite a few times by people, especially on buses always with the order to spend it in the sweet shop!. I have a five month old and was given money by an elderly woman in the park last week for the baby. I remember people giving me money like that, and my sister and my cousins etc. We're in NI.

talkingcandy · 15/07/2011 19:13

They do it in Birmingham too. Usually some one from the large Irish community. It's considered good luck and gives the child luck with finance in the future. They do usually check if it is OK though.

AgentZigzag · 15/07/2011 19:14

I'm nearly in the north and agree kb.

TidyDancer · 15/07/2011 19:17

OMG your cousin is a complete tit. You should show her this thread.

What she did today was appauling. She abandoned her children and abused a lovely man who just tried to treat her little boy to some sweet. Let's lock him up for that!

Fuck me.

I feel sorry for you being related to her. I have a cousin just like that, and her behaviour is shameful too.

GetOrfMoiLand · 15/07/2011 19:17

Your cousin sounds like an old trout.

superjobeespecs · 15/07/2011 19:18

i often look wistfully at ppls wee ones now that DDs older (she's 6) or thinking i hope my next kid is that well behaved/dressed/has hair like that etc and when ppl do it to DD (she has gorgeous blonde curls) i always say its the curls isnt it and they may look embarressed that ive noticed them or say yes when i / my DD/ niece was little we were like that. i would never automatically think peado let alone say it! poor you having to deal with the aftermath just glad you were there to offer some sensible thinking to the situation :)

btw, my sister is a complete vicky pollard fish wife type too whereas im a bit more laid back and it is one of the reasons we dont talk even tho our kids are at the same school/nursery!!

aliceliddell · 15/07/2011 19:19

Is it usual for paedophiles to molest children in the presence of the children's parents? Hopefully, this might make them easier to catch. She hasn't thought it through, has she?

Chundle · 15/07/2011 19:20

I went to Cornwall not long ago and my dd was given a quid by an old lady is she a paedo too? Doubtful! Some people actually are just nice

frantic51 · 15/07/2011 19:21

I think that your cousin was well out of order for calling the guy a paedo but you shouldn't have undermined her decision, only, maybe apologised for her way of declining. I think I would have thanked the man but explained that it is a generally bad thing to encourage young kids to think it is ok to accept presents from strangers. In this case, on a crowded bus, with mum clearly evident, it's ok but on their own, it wouldn't be and children aren't able to distinguish between safe situations and unsafe ones. I think he was probably innocent and just likes kids. I don't think he had thought his actions through though. I think your cousin has real issues and probably needs some help of some kind.

superjobeespecs · 15/07/2011 19:21

DD still gets a wee penny from the grannys when we are out and about i remember when she was a bab ppl used to stuff 50ps in her pram and i took offence it wasnt till my nan told me its good luck for the baby that i stopped resenting ppl for doing it!!