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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to tell ex's GF to keep her opinions to herself regarding DD??

112 replies

runnyegg · 14/07/2011 13:32

Just going through facebook I noticed DD(14) had written a status saying "u no i dunt no y i bover wiv u nemore". A lot of the teens write like this. Anyway underneath the wicked stepmother has written "for goodness sake, why do you write like you're stupid? you're 14 and you write like a 5 year old. It's not cool to be stupid, you know that right? you're doing an English GCSE next year for goodness sake." To make matters worse a number of DDs friends have "Liked" the stepmothers comment which will make DD mortified.

AIBU to send her a message asking her not to badmouth DD on her own facebook page??

OP posts:
yoshilunk · 15/07/2011 11:25

OP how long has the message been there? Your DD hasn't spoken to you about it has she?

You have just seen it and you're indignant about it on her behalf. You don't really know what preceded the comment, - it might be an ongoing joke between your DD and the SM for all you know, which her friends who have 'liked' the comment are also aware of. As others have said if she's that nasty your daughter can always de-friend her.

FB and textspeak is the work of evil and it does leak over into school work, I've seen it myself.

To answer your OP, yabu and you should keep firmly out of it unless your daughter tells you it has personally upset her.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/07/2011 11:54

Well it was a bit telling for me when I saw the OP's reference to 'Ex's GF'... most posters here are referring to a 'stepmum'. I think that OP could possibly be quite prickly about her DD's relationship with any partner her ex has. I wonder if the DD has a good relationship with her dad's partner and perhaps a normal, teen-angsty one with her mum? Maybe a bit of jealousy at the ease dad's partner can talk to the DD?

AmberLeaf · 15/07/2011 12:55

Lyingwitch, The OP also in her post called the 'GF' stepmother too.

Maybe a bit of jealousy at the ease dad's partner can talk to the DD?

If you would call blasting on FB 'ease'

Has the OP been back yet?

Mitmoo · 15/07/2011 12:57

The Big Jessie it is true that children can slip between text and grammatical English. To think they can't is like saying if you learn French you'll forget English.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 15/07/2011 13:02

YANBU to want to tell the GF to bog off.... she has no business correcting your daughter, certainly not on a public forum.

And I'm sure your daughter doesn't write like that all the time - but all the same, if mine did I'd tell her I hated it and to write properly. But I wouldn't tell her on facebook!

thebeansmum · 15/07/2011 13:07

Would you feel as strongly if it was, say, your sister or brother who'd posted the comment? Would it then have been viewed as tounge in cheek and just a joke? As others have said, it can easily be removed if your DD finds it upsetting. At least she gives a toss, a lot of step-parents couldn't care less.

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 15/07/2011 13:23

I was wondering if it might be some kind of in-joke, or if the OP feels extra sensitive as it's her ex's GF - either way, I would be annoyed at the comment on FB. But I would not act on it at all, unless the DD asked or was upset.

You don't punish or tease the individual for the 'crime' of a culture. For example (controversial one but it's just an illustration) I hate the fact that BFing rates in the UK are so low. Really really hate it. But do I have a go at a mum who decides to FF because she thinks her breasts are for her partner, and it'd make her feel weird and embarrassed? Do I tell her she is immature or acting stupid? No. Because it's not her fault she feels like that. Instead I support education and awareness.

Culture and peer approval has one hell of an impact on a person's behaviour (that's the whole point of society in a way - all of us conforming to a common set of unwritten rules with the goal of all living harmoniously) - and just because one person is more affected by this pressure than others, that doesn't mean she deserves a telling off. IMO.

It is not the OP's DD's fault that she succumbs to peer pressure by using txtspk but her stepmum seems to think it is. At the very least she could have put her view across in a nicer way - "wow DSD, I hope you don't write like that in your exams Wink"

Educate, don't berate Grin

AmberLeaf · 15/07/2011 13:28

Good post Fuzzpig

TheBigJessie · 15/07/2011 13:45

mitmoo: "The Big Jessie it is true that children can slip between text and grammatical English. To think they can't is like saying if you learn French you'll forget English."

Unfortunately, as I said before, on personal observation (i.e. shoddy anecdotal evidence), that doesn't happen. I even used to believe people could switch, as from French-English actually, as a teenager, because my friends said they could, funnily enough. It was "common sense".

Perhaps it has to do with the brain normalising what we frequently see. For example, "proffession" and "seperate" used to leap out at me when I saw it, but I've seen those mis-spellings so many times, that they no longer do.

So, one can switch between languages, because languages are different enough that you can tell which mode you should be in. But when you are writing a essay under pressure, you can slip into writing "lyk" for "like". Or a mumsnetter perhaps talking about how clever "DD" was this morning, in an email to someone.

That said, the OP says her daughter managed a 7C, which I assume is good, so... Perhaps it's just the circle-of txt-spkers I know that couldn't manage to switch registers.

JamieAgain · 15/07/2011 16:42

To me, the text speak thing isn't the point. In my world, you don't choose FB to criticise someone. Even if you are joking, you have to think about how it comes across, and it doesn't come across well here, to all the many and varied people who can see her words.

Not understanding the rules of social interaction is, to me, as bad as the irritating "crime" of text speak, and as an adult, she should know better.

But maybe I'm a fuddy duddy

JamieAgain · 15/07/2011 16:43

I also agree with SummatonToast and Fuzzpig. She has embarrassed herself by getting all po-faced on a FB page

Mitmoo · 16/07/2011 08:39

I've just remember back in the 70's

2 Geva
4 Eva
and
Neva
2
Part

Nothing new with today's kids, they've just refined the art.

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