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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to tell ex's GF to keep her opinions to herself regarding DD??

112 replies

runnyegg · 14/07/2011 13:32

Just going through facebook I noticed DD(14) had written a status saying "u no i dunt no y i bover wiv u nemore". A lot of the teens write like this. Anyway underneath the wicked stepmother has written "for goodness sake, why do you write like you're stupid? you're 14 and you write like a 5 year old. It's not cool to be stupid, you know that right? you're doing an English GCSE next year for goodness sake." To make matters worse a number of DDs friends have "Liked" the stepmothers comment which will make DD mortified.

AIBU to send her a message asking her not to badmouth DD on her own facebook page??

OP posts:
Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 18:27

Fastweb those little people peering over a wall are called Chads I think, my dad drew them a lot bless him :)

I do get annoyed with the way teens have to fit in, it's not just txtspk but fashion, music etc. I frequently roll my eyes inwardly at the things my DSCs (13,13,19) come out with or wear or listen to. The slang that goes in and out of fashion - in my day it was cool/wicked, now it's 'actual' instead of actually, 'sick' etc. It's blooming annoying. Although I do enjoy the term "what the actual Jeff" :o

But do I berate them for their actions? Laugh at them? NO. It is not their fault they feel this pressure or succumb to it, is it? They have enough to deal with - puberty is not easy!

If you want a teen to go against the grain and resist peer pressure, you work on building their confidence so they can be themselves and proud of it. You don't have a go at them or humiliate them on a public forum. How the Jeff (see what I did there?) did she expect that to help?

Hufflepuzzpig · 14/07/2011 18:31

That's a fair point Jenai, maybe they do have that sort of relationship? In my family we do rib each other a fair bit (lots of "yer nan" etc)... It's a laugh. Still wouldn't do it on something like FB though, because - as has perhaps been shown here - it can be so easily misunderstood.

JamieAgain · 14/07/2011 18:34

The text speak is annoying, but the SM (or any adult, really) should not make her point in such a publicly belittling way.

But then I don't get FB at all - think it's completely skewed people's ideas of what is reasonable or interesting to say in public.

ImperialBlether · 14/07/2011 18:34

It sounds to me as though her stepmother has high expectations of your daughter. Isn't that what you'd want?

That sort of language does make people look stupid and ill educated. It looks as though they can't spell properly and to be honest I think most can't, either.

JamieAgain · 14/07/2011 18:37

but you don't give a sermon in front of all her friends, do you?

revolutionscoop · 14/07/2011 18:40

I think the step-mother has a valid point.

fastweb · 14/07/2011 18:43

Fastweb those little people peering over a wall are called Chads I think

Bingo !!

If you want a teen to go against the grain and resist peer pressure, you work on building their confidence so they can be themselves and proud of it. You don't have a go at them or humiliate them on a public forum

Yes. That.

pigletmania · 14/07/2011 18:45

Well the stepmother is right about the language, its dreadful, and its my bugbear. She should not have commented like that in public, be more discrete and send a message to her.

pigletmania · 14/07/2011 18:48

It does not look like a 7c piece of writing, more like a 2a. I am sure that your dd is very clever girl, that does not give the right impression.

Sarsaparilllla · 14/07/2011 19:26

It actually took me ages to figure out what the text speak was supposed to say Confused I don't get the point when it takes longer to read :o

I don't blame the SM, it IS a stupid way to type, I can't stand it, if your DD doesn't like it she can remove the comment, or maybe just write properly in the future

BornInAfrica · 14/07/2011 19:28

OP can your daughter actually read and write in English?

fastweb · 14/07/2011 19:31

I don't get the point when it takes longer to read

I don't think it takes the kids longer to read. It just takes us oldies oodles of time combined with frustrated head scratching and possibly some giving up as a bad job.

Which might be part of the appeal.

usualsuspect · 14/07/2011 19:40

Yes, since when did teenagers do anything that us oldies approve of

in the 60s/70s when I was a young , had fb existed I'm sure mine would have been littered with far out man and other such teenage speak of the time

reelingintheyears · 14/07/2011 19:54

I have an autograph book that i had at school.

In it someone wrote..

2 y's ur
2 y's ub
i c ur
2 ys 4 me.

Sad, but text speak was going on in the 70's.

We grew out of it and so will they.

NurseSunshine · 14/07/2011 20:24

YANBU, what a horrible way to speak to her stepdaughter, especially in public. Who cares how dd writes on fb, if she can write properly where it matters. I assume she wouldn't answer her gcse english exam lyk dat.

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 14/07/2011 20:25

Well reeling they did it wrong

It's:

YYUR
YYUB
ICURYY4me

jugglingmug · 14/07/2011 20:35

YANBU. None of ex's GFs business how your DD writes. I write in text, when I send a text. I also write in my own random shorthand when I do a shopping list. And can even speak MN (DC, DS, IMO etc). However, when I write an assignment at uni I write in academic language and form, if I write a letter I write differently too. None of that makes me sound thick!

I would be unhappy with anyone who chose to publicly humiliate me, and would promptly remove them from my friend list...would suggest your DD does the same (if she's bovvered!).

LDNmummy · 14/07/2011 20:38

OP if it were my daughter I would probably smack her in the face the next time I saw her (not productive I know, but to call a child out as stupid on a public forum?)

She has publicly humiliated your daughter and that is beyond the boundaries of a step parent and child relationship. She can judge your daughter all she wants but she sounds like an absolute imbocile to me and no more mature than a teenager herself.

Nasty bitch! I never usually swear on here but that is just disgraceful behaviour from an adult.

I do not like text speak either but there was no need for that. Its bullying of a child online, if it were done by her peers your daughter could very well make a complaint for cyber bullying so what does that say about her as an adult?

cheesesarnie · 14/07/2011 20:49

LDN-smack her in the faceHmm?nice.then you go on to talk about boundaries and maturity?

fastweb · 14/07/2011 20:57

OP if it were my daughter I would probably smack her in the face the next time I saw her

Thus creating EVEN MORE strife and tension between the adults, to the detriment of the children.

Fabulous.

IDrinkFromTheirSkulls · 14/07/2011 20:59

I have said similar things on my 13 year old BIL's page and his older brothers and mum all "liked" the status agreeing with me.

BIL simply said "lol".

Complete anti-climax.

FuzzpigFourFiveSix · 14/07/2011 21:07

She has publicly humiliated your daughter and that is beyond the boundaries of a step parent and child relationship.

Beyond the boundaries of any relationship, surely. No matter who had written the comment, I'd be annoyed.

Not advocating the punching though!

BitOfFun · 14/07/2011 21:12

discreet, not discrete.

On the OP, I don't see that it's a big deal. I think you are irritated by the woman herself, and that's your issue. I think it's quite nice she cares.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/07/2011 21:19

Not your business to sort out, OP. Your daughter is 14 and she has a relationship with this woman, it's up to her to challenge it if she wants to. If your daughter was very concerned she'd block her from reading anything, she hasn't done that.

I don't know that all 14 year olds talk that way; it does sound stupid though and really babyish.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 14/07/2011 21:31

Indeed, BoF - Grin on both counts.

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