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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being annoyed/cross/upset with someone really snobbish

31 replies

abby2009 · 13/07/2011 14:55

Not even sure whether snobbish is the word!

There is this mum at DD's school, although her DD and my DD are best friend since they started school, she had never been keen for them to socialise outside school (for we don't live in big house, drive flashy cars, etc..)

We are moving DD to private school next year (for various reasons). After she learnt about this, she came to me and asked me to go for coffee with her (she had not spoken to me for about a year). She said, "Has your DD gained a scholarship? Why have you picked the new school for DD? It is cheaper than other schools in the area, isn't it?"

For some reason, she just couldn't believe we can afford the fees. Ok, I might not walk around with designer handbags, and drive round in flashy cars, so?

I am so annoyed with her. What makes her think she has the right to question me like this?

Sorry for ranting on, I can't beleive a HUMAN BEING can behave like this!

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 13/07/2011 15:00

Not worth worrying about. Just be non committal-no need to answer a single question-just blandly say 'we think it the best option for DD' and don't bother to go further-change the subject. Sound like a broken record if you have to.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/07/2011 15:00

Maybe she was just interested in the change of school, OP. Do you think that you are particularly sensitive because you consider that she 'swanks about'?

There's a difference between snobbishness and plain nosiness and from your post, I just don't get 'snobby' although perhaps she's done other things to make you feel that way.

Just don't answer what you don't want to - turn the tables and ask her why she wants to know?

debivamp · 13/07/2011 15:01

ahh the joys of the middle class _ some are so far up their own bottoms!!!!!

BeauBelles · 13/07/2011 15:02

she sounds both nosey and jealous. And extremely rude to ask how the school is being financed. Therefore she is ignorant and ill-bred !

Pagwatch · 13/07/2011 15:02

Don'tbe upset.
It doesn't sound like you are friends. Why do you care what she thinks?
Ignore

Hufflepuzzpig · 13/07/2011 15:02

It doesn't sound like interest or nosiness to me - she has ignored the OP right up until she finds out about private school...

If she is really that snobby she will make a fool of herself sooner or later. Don't worry about it :)

sungirltan · 13/07/2011 15:03

'has your dd gained a scholarship' is the snobby part - it implies she thinks you cant afford the fees. otherwaie she would just say 'so whats pre empted the move then?'

hoolabombshell · 13/07/2011 15:10

Not quite sure why you'd be "annoyed/cross/upset" with her, when really she just sounds like a bit of a twat who is probably best avoided.

I agree with the others - who cares what she thinks? I find it rather comical that she is all of a sudden all over you. It's just obvious how nosey and shallow she's being. I assume you didn't go for that coffee? What did you say to her then?

exoticfruits · 13/07/2011 15:12

I think that you have let her get to you in the first place. Just think of her as a rather insecure woman who goes a lot by appearances and feel a bit sorry for her. There is no reason to have to do more than smile and fob her off.

DeWe · 13/07/2011 15:13

Maybe the implication of "has she won a scholarship" is that she thinks your dd is really bright. Take it as a compliment.Wink

agedknees · 13/07/2011 15:14

You should have furtively looked around, tapped your nose and said EURO LOTTERY in a hushed whisper.

YANBU. She is a nosey cow.

bumpybecky · 13/07/2011 15:15

I kinda know how you feel. There were some mums at school how were suddenly friendly when they found out I had a PhD and DH had a degree. I guess we must be very scruffy and look thick as they were most surprised to find out we were educated Grin

Ignore her or lie outrageously for comedy effect :)

Bumpsadaisie · 13/07/2011 16:12

She sounds very ill bred. No "proper" middle class person would ask those sorts of questions or pry into your financial arrangements re the school place!

She probably says serviette and settee too.

5Foot5 · 13/07/2011 16:55

Twice already on this thread someone has said this mum must be "ill-bred".

Earlier today I was looking at the thread from a woman who had a spat in the supermarket and she got a right pasting for criticising someone's "breeding"

Hullygully · 13/07/2011 16:56

Yes vile. But try and laugh at it rather than be annoyed.

thestringpeople · 13/07/2011 17:01

Some people "collect" friends. You now fit into the category of solid middle class stock so you are now considered worthy of her friendship.

I was totally ignored by one woman. I don't live in a big house and wear supermarket clothes. Once she discovered I run my own business she couldn't have been any more up my arse. Hmm

sue52 · 13/07/2011 17:11

Maybe she thinks that your child is very bright and has won a much valued academic scholarship. I really would not give this woman a second thought. Hope your DD enjoys her new school.

Punkatheart · 13/07/2011 17:13

Very well brought up people NEVER talk about money - so you look astonished and say the same.

Yes, hope your DD has fun at her new school.

Original poster
abby2009 · 13/07/2011 18:34

I did think she thought DD is clever when she first asked about scholarship, but she asked again (after I've said no), and pointed out this school is 'cheaper, I supposed' than the other schools.

She's not really wealthy herself, but she just loves hanging out with the 'well to do' set. That's why I said not sure 'snobbish' is the word!

Thankyou for all your messages, makes me feel a lot better, and I'm going to forget about all this, and remind myself how much better it would be when I don't have to see her again next term.

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 13/07/2011 18:43

My DD has been a private school since age 3 when she joined their nursery...one woman invited all the girls for a playdate with her DD....one by one, knowing they'd be reciprocated...then crossed all of us who lived in "ordinary" houses off her social list! Silly cow.

Nobody likes her to this day because of that...even the loaded Mums thinks she's absolutely horrible.

catgirl1976 · 13/07/2011 19:00

Nasty graspy social climber. Ignore her.

activate · 13/07/2011 19:06

Maybe she's interested, a little jealous and trying to work out how you manage to send your DD to private school when she can't?

Maybe she really wants her child to have all the opportunities but has ruled out private as it is out of her grasp (as it is for 90%+ of the population)

Maybe she was looking for hints and tips

Driftwood999 · 13/07/2011 19:14

OP, don't give it a second thought, you are having the last laugh and I think you know it Wink She is a chav. Don't go there.

Chen23 · 13/07/2011 19:38

"No "proper" middle class person would ask those sorts of questions or pry into your financial arrangements re the school place!"

You would think so but that's not really been my experience over the last few years; after a few years living in 'trendy' but pretty grimey Hackney / Shoreditch me and DH moved to Highgate (a pretty swanky part of North London) for the sake of our newborn DD and had our first real experience of nosey upper middle class neighbours; the older residents (50+) were OK but the those in their thirties / forties pretty much blatantly asked us how much we paid for our place, whether we had to get a big mortgage, whether we were sending DD to Highgate school (vv expensive private) and asked a million round about the way questions as to what pay bracket my DH and I were in. Seemed pretty classless to me and a lot of the talk centred around money and anecdotes about the latest celebrity at the school gates / how much the local russian billionaires were spending on their basement extension blah blah blah blah blah.

Have moved out of London now to Gerrards Cross in Bucks, which is kind of more of the same but not quite so outrageously obvious. I've always thought non stop chatting about money and prying into people's financial situation as being pretty 'non u' and not very 'classy' but I think that maybe took a bit of a turn in the 80's and now it's seen as a legitimate small talk. A lot of so called 'middle class' dinner parties I've been to seem to be little more than an excuse to talk about house prices for a few hours.

catgirl1976 · 13/07/2011 19:39

Yuck Chen - they sound horrible!! But then it is 'non u' not 'non mc'. Still grubby though :(

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