Being annoyed/cross/upset with someone really snobbish

[abby2009]

Not even sure whether snobbish is the word!

There is this mum at DD's school, although her DD and my DD are best friend since they started school, she had never been keen for them to socialise outside school (for we don't live in big house, drive flashy cars, etc..)

We are moving DD to private school next year (for various reasons). After she learnt about this, she came to me and asked me to go for coffee with her (she had not spoken to me for about a year). She said, "Has your DD gained a scholarship? Why have you picked the new school for DD? It is cheaper than other schools in the area, isn't it?"

For some reason, she just couldn't believe we can afford the fees. Ok, I might not walk around with designer handbags, and drive round in flashy cars, so?

I am so annoyed with her. What makes her think she has the right to question me like this?

Sorry for ranting on, I can't beleive a HUMAN BEING can behave like this!

Most people know it's very rude to ask about money and talk about it. Americans apparently go in for that but the British don't (or not most of us). Just neatly avoid her questions.

I think it's wonderful we have the worst cars on the road and no one would have any idea what I might earn etc. It's no one's business anyway.

How do you know that she is not keen to socialise because you don't live in a big house or drive a flashy car? Some children don't socialise after school with certain children or any children due to practical/logistical reasons.

Also, I can't beleive a HUMAN BEING can behave like this! sounds so dramatic for such a trivial incident, it's not like she battered a kitten to death.

Just act polite but aloof with her and keep your distance.

I'm a bit worried that my daughter will get treated differently at the school she will go to. I'm an Oxford graduate, but a sahm (pregnant with no 2) and my husband doesn't earn particularly well. We have brought an ex-council place (its a reasonable area but there are 2 cul de sacs of council and/or ex-council and we're in it) as we left it late to buy and in this climate its all we can afford.

I'm already really nervous to invite other parents round from playgroups as they mainly live in nice 4 bed places and I'm nervous she will get judged at school. I'd love to say its decorated tastefully and we dress well etc but we are struggling financially and its all pretty basic!

Gosh, she's brazenly snobby. She might be alright though. Just shallow. But then, not all one's friends/acquaintances have to be deep and right on and stuff. Some can just be shallow and fun.

If they judge on where you live emsies then you don't want to be friends with them and they probably have hideous children. They won't all be like that, but if you come across any that are, just remember it will be a blessing if their offspring don't mix with yours!

I doubt I'd want to be friends with anyone who made judgements about council houses emsie . Why worry what others think if your house is warm and welcoming and your clothes are clean and presentable?

People like that aren't worth your time if they judge on income or trappings. Ridiculous yardsticks.

At my SIL's wedding a few years back her bridesmaid had been very lukewarm with me the day before the wedding when we were sorting out some weddingy stuff. Polite enough but clearly not that interested. That all changed on the day of the wedding when she found out I was (at that time) a research fellow. She was then all over me like a cheap suit and dragged her OH (also an academic) over to bore the pants off me chat. It was noticed by others but my response was to chat for all of 3-4 minutes then excuse myself to go and "help with something".

OP - just be civil but don't answer her nosey questions - it is rude to ask people about finances.