To think that the cost of attending a wedding is prohibitively expensive?

[Mumswang]

I?m of that age where lots of our friend are getting married. Now I?m not a party pooper, I love a wedding, and I love my friends, I love celebrating with my friends, but??.latest of friends to get married (the second this summer). Not an extravagant do, just a normal wedding, no outrageous demands or costs, in fact it's one of the more modest events

Hen night
Spa £55
Curry £35 (no booze for me, pregnant)
Club £15 (again booze costs minimised)
Contribution towards hen night tat £15
Total - £120

Stag night
Weekend in European city ? God knows, in region of £500 I should think (conservatively)

Wedding
3 hour drive away
Petrol £40 ish
Hotel (only allow 2 night bookings at weekends in summer, can?t actually stay 2 nights as no DC wedding, fine but no one to look after DS for two nights) £180
Outfit ? have to buy something as huge so £50 dress, swollen feet so need new, flat shoes £50
Present - £50 I think is about the minimum we can spend without looking mean (they have asked for cash contributions)
Total - £370

So we?re looking at near enough £1000

DP and I haven?t had a holiday for 3 years, not even a weekend away somewhere together

We?ve just moved house and can?t afford, for example, curtains so have old, faded ones that don?t fit the windows, amongst other things

My car needs a new exhaust, I can?t afford one

These are the 6th of our friends to have got amrried in the last couple of years, there are still about another 4 couples engaged and planning their weddings for the next couple of years

AIBU to dread the ?wedding season??

[pointydog]

But it's a 3 hour drive. Couldn't be arsed doing that in a day in the name of entertainment.

[pointydog]

Oh I see. Op is still moaning.

Well, I think it's verging on stupidity to spend £600+ on a hen and stag night.

[ENormaSnob]

Weddings are expensive to attend.

Even if you do it on the cheap.

Fwiw there is no way dh would spend £500 on a stag do if we hadn't had a holiday or weekend away ourselves for ages. That's ridiculous.

[MerylStrop]

It's time to stop the madness
People need to start saying NO WAY ARE YOU INSANE to stag dos that involve climbing Everest
No-one can really afford that kind of excess any more
It's showy and thoughtless to plan it that way
Weddings I have less of an issue with - it is a compliment to the bride and groom to make an effort with your appearance and so IMO shoes and dress money well spent. Buy a decent dress (the sales are on) and ebay it afterward.

[whackamole]

YANBU - weddings are expensive! But unless they are your closest friends, you don't have to do any of that.

I was invited to my cousins hen do and wedding, I went to the wedding but couldn't afford the hen do as well (like you she doesn't live near me so it would have required a night in a hotel). She was fine with it. And TBH if she hadn't been I still wouldn't have been able to afford it!

[Kallista]

OP - You say your curtains are old, faded and don't fit.
Go to eg. Primark or wilkinson.
I never spend over £25 on a pair of curtains. You can get off-cuts or sale curtains at your local drapers, also pretty nets and muslins. I got 2 net curtains for £12 but they weren't the cheapest.
B&Q do coloured roman blinds for £12 upwards.
Whatever you do re: the wedding, get those curtains done.
Also yearly holidays aren't essential but getting your exhaust fixed is.

[NattersAndMutters]

Don't go to any of it. Send them some money and a nice card. Job done.

[NattersAndMutters]

As for curtains, the charity shops are full of curtains, many of top quality, go take a look.

[TandB]

YANBU. We were nearly penniless one summer when we had 4 weddings to go to.

I remember a particularly fun one when DP was best man so we realistically had to go to everything. The itinerary:

Stag-do
Hen-do
Joint stag and hen weekend
Pre-wedding dinner (2 nights before wedding at other end of country)
Pre-wedding drinks party (night before wedding)
Wedding
Post-wedding lunch

(small hiatus)

Post-wedding party for viewing photos

(longer hiatus)

One-year post-wedding reunion weekend away


Seriously. It wasn't even my wedding and it took over my life for months!

[thebird]

I am constantly amazed at the expense of these events both for the bride and groom and those attending. For this very reason DP and I are getting married in secret in a few weeks!

[Purplegirlie]

Expensive hen and stag weekends are a bugbear of mine, and like someone else has said, are just all part of "keeping up with the joneses". I think it's all got a bit ridiculous these days.

OP, if attending a wedding and associated events was going to cause me difficulty financially then I simply wouldn't go. I couldn't justify spending 1k on attending a wedding. Like some others have suggested, there are ways you could cut back on your expenditure if you really want to attend.

[elphabadefiesgravity]

YANBU and YABU

The whole thing has become ridiculous.

However:

I never attend hen or stag do's. The last hen do I went to was my sister in laws which was just a nice meal in a normal restaurant.

The last wedding I went to which was dh's cousin who lives away I got my dress from Sainsbury's in the sale and we stayed at a Travelodge.