For not wanting to look after my best friend's daughter??

[ImGoingToHellForThis]

Name Change because I already know I'm being a nasty bitch but

My best friend of 15 years has just landed herself a job after years of trying. She can get childcare, but not until September. I'm free until September so naturally she asked me. The thing is although I love her to bits I just can't stand to be around her DD

The DD is 7 and has been spoilt rotten from the day she was born, she even has a "spoilt" sounding name which I'd love to share but don't want to be TOO obvious. The girl is rude and demanding, sits there on the sofa with her glass in the air which means she wants it topping up. The last time she was here she whacked my puppy across the face with her sandal because he SNIFFED her doll. She has been brought up to believe that EVERYTHING should and will revolve around her and she expects it from other people too, not just her parents. She turns my TV over without asking because at home, she rules the TV. She helps herself to food out of the cupboards whenever she feels like it and screams at the top of her voice if anyone so much as says no to her. I know its the way she's been brought up and I shouldn't blame her but I just can't stand being around her. She spoils every day out we go on by demanding and whinging and complaining and even even spoilt DSs birthday party by screaming because we wouldn't let her open half of the presents (this also meant that the video footage we took of DS with the presents is ruined.)

I know she needs me but the idea of taking this child on full time for 2 months fills me with horror. But she KNOWS I have nothing else on so excusing my decision is going to be so hard.

Your friend is extremely cheeky asking you to look after her child for the whole summer holidays - even if her dd was perfectly behaved it is a huge ask. You could offer one day a week as a compromise?

You know, if you're brave enough, you'd probably be - in the long term - doing both your friend and her daughter a huge favour to tell your friend no and exactly why.

She at least has a chance of seeing what the rest of the world sees and doing something about it before it's too late.

It depends really. It might be quite fun to sort this girl out a bit by making her live by your rules for a few weeks and would probably be good for her in the long run. But then I am a slightly evil person who enjoys ignoring ridiculously whingey/tantruming children. Then again if it was going to spoil your and more importantly your DCs summer then its probably not worth it, could you take her for just some of the time. I'm guessing that whatever Childcare she goes to in Sept will not take any of this rubbish from her and she might get a bit of a shock. How does she cope at school though?

Can I just say...

Precious?!

HAHAHAHHAHA

Awful!

If you don't want to be brutally honest with her about her daughter's behaviour, you can always say things like "They don't seem to play together very well" rather than placing the blame only on her daughter (though it clearly belongs there!). Your priority has to be your DS - if I was him I'd be pretty miserable about my entire summer being spent with a brat who had ruined my birthday party and was that much of a pain to be around.

Coward McCoward answer here, but could you invent some reason why you can't have her?

Can't think of anything imaginative enough but answers on a postcard.....

Isn't it illegal now unless you are a registered CM? She's sounds delightful challenging

I would say that you would, but make it quite clear that you will do it your way and tell her that her DD probably won't like it. It is then up to her. If she agrees you can start as you mean to go on-sit the DD down with a list of HOW THINGS WILL BE DONE. If your friend then complains tell her that it was her choice and if she doesn't like it she can go elsewhere.You will probably find her DD is perfectly nice with firm boundries.

Or I'd blame it on DH and say he wasn't happy about the extra stress it would put on you during the holidays ;)

Yip, make up a reason why you cannot take her DD.
Had I done the the last time I was hoodwinked into having my neighbours dc, I would not have had the truly revolting task of picking up a turd left by her DS in the garden
Hell sometimes is other peoples kids!
Say no op then my blood pressure can return to normal.

I agree with what Lesley33 said.

What about a trial day, your house, your rules. If the dc doesn't enjoy her day maybe she will refuse to be left with you again.

Win,win.

Please tell us she isn't called precious?? Dear god no!!

I wouldn't hvae her but tbh I don't like any other kids other than my own. I won't even look after my 18mth old nephew cos he's demanding and spoilt. My parenting is different to my sisters, I smack my kids when they are naughty, sister doesn't. Which explains a lot..........

Please tell us she isn't called precious?? Dear god no!!

I wouldn't hvae her but tbh I don't like any other kids other than my own. I won't even look after my 18mth old nephew cos he's demanding and spoilt. My parenting is different to my sisters, I smack my kids when they are naughty, sister doesn't. Which explains a lot..........

Her DD is 7, therefore if she is willing to pay you you would have to be a childminder and OFSTED registered.

She can get some kind of child care, well at least around here there are lots of holiday play schemes, so can be costly but even now you can get a place for one child. Start at her child's school, then try other local schools (including private) then move on to sports and the Council may even have some. (If you feel guilty you can research some of these and give her a list of contacts.)
YANBU - she is BVU

Hmmmm I wouldn't do it IIWY.

You'll really resent her, and your DS will resent being with a bratty child.

YANBU -it sounds as if your summer would be awful if you had to look after this child for 6 weeks,

Looks like TheDeathlyMarshmallows has found you a nice little get-out clause though.

Maybe, as a softener, find some available childcare for her -there has to a childminder /summer club/nursery that does a holiday scheme or something around.

Then you can say "No I can't due to the laws around registered childminders/OFSTED etc but this childminder/holiday scheme has vacancies" and produce the info.

I'd do it if it meant the difference between my friend being able to be in work or not, but I'd also support her in trying to find some sort of child care other than just yourself over the holidays.

My best friend has challenging children (under CAHMS for behavioural stuff), but they follow my rules in my house, and are treated as my children are when they break the rules. They don't like it much sometimes, but that's tough and they settle in pretty well to be honest. My kids deal with it all pretty well.

Sometimes I don't feel like it, but I help her out when I can because I know she needs the help, and like today, I know I could rely on her to do the same, I am off in to hospital for an unknown period and she's having my (somewhat behaviourally challenging) DD for me, plus taking my DS home for dinner and letting him sleep over one night because he was worried and upset about me not being there.

Why not say you'd love to help but the dc don't get on so it wouldn't be much fun for either of them. Then give her a few leaflets for holiday playschemes. There are loads of these around.

"Daddy, I want a squirrel."

Hmmmm......! Sounds like she has you over a barrell.

I know how you feel, I have two friends who I adore but CANNOT stand their children (although compared to what you describe they suddenly look like angels). I can't bear two hours with them, but two fooking MONTHS!

Is she payng you? Two months cash in hand may make it worth it.

You'll need to do the my house my rules thing. You can't have her running riot and acting like a gobshite the entire time.

And don't do it every day, tell her that some days you'll have plans or want to be alone with your own child. That's reasonable.

OP.... What about if you sat your best friend down and said, "Look, BF, it's like this. I'd love to help you out but our parenting styles are different and what's ok in your house isn't ok in mine and vice versa. If I look after your DD, she'll have to abide by my house rules for the duration. Are you happy with that? The reason I'm telling you at all is that nothing, but nothing can be allowed to spoil our friendship, we have to get through this period together and I don't want you to worry about DD when she's with me, but she'll have to behave to my rules because otherwise my DC will start mucking about"....

Something like that? I wouldn't have a problem with my DC being disciplined by my best friend and certainly not if they were doing me a favour.

Don't look for alternative childcare for her.
Don't make up reasons why you can't.
Don't have a trial day.
Don't have her for 2 days a week or for 2 weeks.

Just say NO. No one owes anyone the favour of looking after their child full time for six weeks. It is an unreasonable request. Even if she was an easy going child it would still be hard work, restrictive and annoying. As it is, she is a difficult child and you will be ruining six weeks for your whole family and your dog. Just say no. (You can sing that to the Grange Hill tune if you like).

Surely there are holiday clubs which she can use a lot of the time for the child? Why not say you have a lot planned this holiday, but that if she is really stuck any particular day for for pick ups/drop offs then you will do what you can to help

Personally I would do it if I was being paid a reasonable amount. It would then be work, and we can't really expect to enjoy that. I wouldn't do it for free though, and I would tell her why in that case.