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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being furious at DH telling DSD that my degree isn't a real degree?

488 replies

TooFarGone · 12/07/2011 12:20

So DH is sat down with his DD taking about careers etc. He says to her "these days, you need a job that pays at least £20k a year but at the same time, you don't want to be stressing yourself out with difficult degrees and stuff. You want to enjoy your time at uni. That's why I think nursing would be ideal for you! you get to go to uni, you don't have to do a difficult degree and you get a well paid job at the end of it!".

So DSD says "But isn't a degree in nursing going to be just as difficult?" and he replied "no course not, they call it a degree but its not like a real degree".

I'm furious as I worked bloody hard to get my degree and he knows this. It isn't an "easy option" at all. I had it out with him and he apologised for upsetting me but still maintains that nursing is an easy alternative to doing a "real" degree.

OP posts:
wideawakenurse · 12/07/2011 20:33

Actually, wamster the post registration course for ITU nurses, which gives them specialist knowledge in that area and is obligatory for anyone staying in ITU has been studied at degree level for donkeys years.

catgirl1976 · 12/07/2011 20:33

Well sadly I don't know any nurses. But I do know a lot of lawyers and they don't take responsibilty for a thing.

Wamster · 12/07/2011 20:43

MummyTigger, Let me make one thing clear here- NOBODY'S LIFE WAS IN DANGER. The nurses just stood about doing nothing at a point at which they could have easily got me a glass of water. So stop this 'they were rushing about saving lives crap' You are talking bollocks.

As for the hotel crap, keeping patients hydrated is a key function in keeping them well. If YOU do not know this, then I really do despair of the system!

catgirl1976 · 12/07/2011 20:44

What did they say when you asked them for the water?

MummyTigger · 12/07/2011 20:50

Oh but didn't you hear CatGirl? He was just too tired to ask for it.

I'm thinking someone here is suffering from a severe case of white-coat syndrome. And for the record: The were probably discussing patient-handover at the end of a shift. Because no nurse would ever have the time to stand around and "do nothing". I think you're being deliberately obtuse, and just because your opinion is "they were standing around doing nothing" doesn't mean they weren't, in fact, doing an integral part of their job in which they have to fill in the nurses that are coming on-shift on all the details of what's gone on that day.

catgirl1976 · 12/07/2011 20:51

I am sorry Wamster. If you didn't ask for the water, how were they meant to know you wanted some water? I am very confused. You need to let people know you want something you see.

MummyTigger · 12/07/2011 20:52

For anyone who doesn't know - White Coat Syndrome has had studies done on it, and is a remarkable phenomenon whereby as soon as a person with a white coat comes near a hospital bed, it renders the patient incapable of even the most minute tasks. Like reaching over and fetching a magazine, which is something that someone repeatedly rang the call-nurse button for. Bloody ridiculous.

MillyR · 12/07/2011 20:53

Obviously people who are in hospital who cannot get water for themselves will die if they don't get it. It might not be a nurse's priority to get someone water right that moment, but if it is constantly low down the list of priorities of every member of staff on the ward, eventually a vulnerable person will die.

It does seem (just based on personal experience) that a lot of the stuff that was routinely done by nurses in hospitals 20 years ago is now done by nursing support staff (not sure if that is the correct job title). It is really those people that patients turn to and come to rely on.

I think people forget how terrifying an experience being in hospital can be, and it is rather insensitive to be mocking people who are worried about whether or not they will be able to get a glass of water. You are sometimes at the mercy of the staff.

catgirl1976 · 12/07/2011 20:55

Ya. They normally shove an IV drip in you though if you are in a bad way. So you won't die. Normally, thirsty people ask for water, except the ones who are to ill to ask, and they have drips in.

Am pretty sure thats how it works

MillyR · 12/07/2011 20:59

There are clearly lots of situations that a patient can be in where they cannot see to their own toilet/food/water needs but do not need an IV drip, just assistance from staff.

catgirl1976 · 12/07/2011 21:01

I agree. But - 2 key points -

If you do not ASK the staff for assistance you cannot gripe about the fact they didnt give it. They are not psychic.

If your need is not a priority and they are too busy attending to higher priorities, you may just have to suck it up.

If Wamster had said that he (she?) had asked several times for the water and told the nurses they were thirsty and had been ignored I would have some sympathy. But they didnt ask. So..... Hmm

MummyTigger · 12/07/2011 21:01

this is the reason WHY people like Wamster don't get water when they need it

Then again, he should have just come right out and asked - they are not bloody psychic! If he was dehydrated in any way they would have given him an IV. It's standard procedure as far as I'm aware. The only reason they WOULDN'T give an IV is if they thought he was able to get the water himself. And if he wasn't able to, then he should have said something.

Hippee · 12/07/2011 21:07

TooFarGone - don't worry, at least you're not a librarian like me (thanks cory Wink)

MillyR · 12/07/2011 21:08

People have died of dehydration in NHS hospitals because nobody would get them a glass of water.

We need more nursing support staff, who do think it is their role to get somebody water.

catgirl1976 · 12/07/2011 21:09

We need a well managed NHS. But I won't hold my breath.

Chen23 · 12/07/2011 21:17

"Be a nice little nursie when she could be so much more. He's doing this kid down!"

nice little nursie?

she could so much more?

he's doing this kid down?

that's even more patronising than the OP's DH.

way too much stealth spite and barely concealed job snobbery on this thread for me.

Hermionesjumper · 12/07/2011 21:19

Chen you forgot misogyny Hmm

Wamster · 12/07/2011 21:21

MummyTigger, don't talk bollocks (sorry but you've been rude to me). Good god alive, one of the first things that nurses get taught is that patients are in hospital because they are ill, probably scared and frightened and that it (maybe) a new experience for them.

A bloody lawyer would not blame his client for not understanding the law! It is his duty to inform them! It is a KEY FUNCTION for a nurse to anticipate the basic needs of their patient and giving water is one of those needs.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs. At the bottom basic necessary requirements of life: food, shelter and water. Without these needs being met, there is nothing to build on.

Wamster · 12/07/2011 21:25

I'm no great fan of the NMC (nursing midwifery council), but I will say this: ANY nurse whose patient became dehydrated because the nurse did not anticipate the need for water whose excuse was : 'They should have asked for it (water)' would have a firm dressing down.
Should they also ask for food or clean clothing?

ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 12/07/2011 21:26

If the OPs daughter has half a brain she will nod and smile at any advice given to her, then DO HER OWN RESEARCH and MAKE HER OWN PLANS....?

FWIW, I did my degree 7 years ago at a top UK uni. French, Politics and Philosophy. Comments about easiness are all relative. The French came to me with absolutely minimal effort. The philosophy I made a mistake with in picking modules I thought would be interesting as opposed to the ones I kenw I could do easily. 2:2 overall. I don't regret it.

Hermionesjumper · 12/07/2011 21:32

Also Lequeen Do you have a friend in every profession? Hmm Anecdotes do not = fact
Nursing students entering at degree level will now do 50/50 in Uni and on placements.They will have to work shifts and also study. They are mentored on placement and only have 2 attempts to pass on each assigment and also on placement .The criteria are very strict and so if you do not pass on one area you are off the course.They also have to pass 100% on mathematical calculation -2 attempts and you are off the course.Quite honestly none of you with friends in this or that have a bloody clue !

MummyTigger · 12/07/2011 21:38

It's not bollocks, it's fact! If you were unable to get your own, you would have been given an IV. You weren't. Ergo the ONLY conclusion I can draw is that you were perfectly able to get yourself a glass of water. And FWIW the only reason I'm being rude is because you're sitting there, not actually discussing anything and repeating exactly the same point time and time again. And we're repeating the same point back. It's going to carry on like this into infinity because you simply are not listening. Fetching water is not high up on a list of Nurses priorities purely because someone who is having a serious issue is always going to be at the top of the list. There is a triage system in place in A&E for a reason, and it's the same as far as nurses are concerned. The worst things get dealt with first.

How would you feel if noone were there to help stave off your relatives heart attack/brain aneurism/liver failure/renal failure/serious and life-threatening condition because they were running about making sure that everyone had everything that they could possibly want? They do not know you need the toilet until you tell them, and the same principle is involved with your water. If something is wrong, come out and ask. They are not all-knowing, and if you want someone to anticipate your every whim then you're going to be forever disappointed. They have mealtimes where food is brought round, but unless you tell them you won't eat something for a reason other than a blatant medical one they won't know, and acting all offended about it is not the way to go.

Wamster · 12/07/2011 21:38

No wonder nurses struggle with their role if their response when a patient complains that they have not been given water is ' should have asked for it' What an effing joke. It's their jobs as nurses to anticipate these (very) basic needs. I'm not saying that they themselves should physically pour water or out or anything but they really should instruct a nursing assistant to do it! And make sure it is done.

Hermionesjumper · 12/07/2011 21:40

Wamster you sound like you have a grudge tbh
.If you were too tired to ask for water then surely you would be too tired to drink it ? and would be rehydrated by IVI
On every ward I have ever worked the water is refreshed at breakfast,lunch and dinner by the ward catering staff.Tea and coffee and juice is also offered at breakfast, 10am, lunch ,3pm, dinner and at nighttime . In between any member of staff would be happy to fetch any additional drinks.

Wamster · 12/07/2011 21:41

MummyTigger Are you not listening? There was no crises on the ward.
Your making yourself look like an idiot now. I'd back off if I were you. I was not in A and E where your points would be valid.

Nurses are at least supposed to anticipate that their patients need water. You really are dull as anything if you cannot see this. Heck, it's not as if I wanted anything bloody special like a chocolate teapot.