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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you tell someone that your child is vegetarian...

461 replies

Tollund · 12/07/2011 12:11

that they should respect this and not then try to feed them meat?!

At a birthday party with DS1 who is four and a parent there offered my DS a sausage. DS took one (as he didn't know is it was veggie or not) and I politely said to the man "thank you, but he's vegetarian."

He said "yes, I know, they told me that. But I thought I'd see if he wanted one, and he took one, so let him have it."

I ignored him and told DS not to eat it.

THe man then started on at me about how I should let him make his own choices and to let him eat it which I refused to be drawn into, politely telling him no and then walking away.

He then went up to the mother of the child whose party it was (about 10 feet away from me) and starts banging on about me not letting him eat meat!

I think this man was monumentally ignorant - why does he think he is in a position to make food choices for my four year old child? What if DS was Jewish? Or had allergies? I'm now loathe to let my DS anywhere near this man's child or to go to parties where this man might be - IABU? (I don't think I'm BU in terms of making dietary decisions for my son at this time in his life, but whether am BU in wanting to keep my DS very far away from that tool!)

OP posts:
Ephiny · 12/07/2011 12:50

YANBU. It's not the same as a life-threatening allergy, but all the same you're the parent and it's up to you to make choices about your child's diet, and other people should respect that. I would never give a child something their parent had said they shouldn't have (even if the child themselves wanted it!), can't believe anyone would think that was OK!

Of course your DS will make his own choices when he's older about what he eats (though you have every right to say no meat in your house!) but for now he's four years old! So you get to decide what he can have!

Insomnia11 · 12/07/2011 12:51

Do you also not let him have sweets at a party? I think that is OTT too personally. Unless there are medical reasons for it.

I think it's ok to say that you'll keep some sweets for later but I really think parties are about having a few sweet things and it doesn't matter if they break the usual rules of good nutrition.

squeakytoy · 12/07/2011 12:51

If you are not vegetarians Lady, why would you ban beef?

My mum didnt like pork, so growing up we never had it, but she didnt say we couldnt eat it if it was on offer elsewhere.

Many kids go through a "I am going to be a vegetarian" phase.. so what happens if this child decides "I am not going to be a vegetarian".

By putting unnecessary restrictions on your childs diet, (ie unless it is for health reasons) you are putting your child at risk of teasing from their peers as well as upsetting a child who wont understand why they are not allowed to have a sausage or a burger when all their friends are allowed them. Very unfair IMO.

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/07/2011 12:52

Narrowmindedness sausages? I'm not bothered about you eating meat, or feeding it to your dc, it's some meat eaters on this thread that can't open their minds to the idea that it's okay to be vegetarian.

DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 12:52

"A lot of vegetarians I know....are quite hypocritical, extremist and don't like humans very much!"

Explain hypocritical please? Why?

Other than that, this vegan is happy to hold her hands up to the other two compliments.

unclefest · 12/07/2011 12:53

Headfirst off topic here, but never let DCs eat slugs even at a party. They carry lungworm and are not very good for you

squeakytoy · 12/07/2011 12:54

I have no problem with anyone being vegetarian, and I admire their principles. However a four year old is not capable of understanding or knowing those principles and I think to ban them from trying foods that other people have cooked, or are eating, is selfish and extreme.

DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 12:54

"upsetting a child who wont understand why they are not allowed to have a sausage or a burger when all their friends are allowed them."

Eh? Hmm

Why would a child not understand? Mine have since time immemorial and they are just average children, not budding biologists. They were told why we don't eat meat, they understood.

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/07/2011 12:55

squeaky My dc are 3 of the only 4 veggie kids in school, the other kids find it fascinating! A couple of dd1s friends wanted to become veggie to copy her (age 8/9) but their mums wouldn't let them Grin

Funnily enough mow my dd is nearly 9, I would be happy for her to try meat elsewhere now if she desired, but she is a firm vegetarian.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 12/07/2011 12:56

Perhaps we should let babies drink coke and smoke until they are old enough to decide it's bad for them . . . no?

Very good point.

SqueakyToy - my H is not vegetarian and I am. DS is pescetarian. That's a decision we made between us and the reasons that my views trumped his are between us - it's compromise.

I was raised as vegetarian and am very grateful for it, as are all four of my brothers. Not one of us resents it, nor did any of us ever feel embarrassed or left out. I was proud to say I was vegetarian because I believed it was the right thing to do. Yes, that was my parents who taught me that view, but that's what parenting is.

CareyHunt · 12/07/2011 12:56

I am a vegetarian. I don't allow my children to eat meat, fish or gelatine at home or in anyone elses house.
I don't allow them to eat/ drink things containing aspartame, haribo sweets, coke, chewing gum etc. in my house OR ANYWHERE ELSE.
I don't allow my children to watch violent/ sexually inappropriate films at home, and I wouldn't let them watch them in someone elses house.

I do this because I am the parent. When they are older, and can understand the issues, they can eat what they want, but right now I make the choices, and I expect those choices to be respected by others, in exactly the same way as I don't go round snatching sausage rolls from the mouths of other people's children.

FFS...he's a VEGETARIAN. There are flipping millions of us, perfectly healthy, not iron deficient, doing very well. From the fuss some people are making you'd have thought the OP said that her DC was only allowed to eat bio-dynamic food that was foraged from wild hedgerows during a waning moon.

Sausage is NOT one of the main food groups, I think he'll probably survive without it. Grin

Bunbaker · 12/07/2011 12:56

"Oh with the "how strong the belief is post" I meant to add I know parents that won't allow their child to consume drinks containing aspartame, or haribo style sweets, even outside the home. Their choice!"

That's OK. I knew what you meant. I would never force food on anyone. I have a number of friends who are vegetarian and have two friends who are coeliac. I always cater to the needs and wishes of my guests because I want them to feel welcome in my home.

DD is even following my example to the extent that she is asking all of her friends who are coming to her birthday party what their favourite food is. She has even asked me to make a jelly because, even though she doesn't like jelly, all her friends do.

I think this man's behaviour was appalling BTW, and it would have made me want to dig my heels in.

This reminds of a social do I went to years ago. For some reason I thought that one of the ladies was Jewish. I didn't want to ask her outright, so I took a plate of sausages to hand round. Said lady took a handful. So that cleared that one up then.

unclefest · 12/07/2011 12:57

the problem for me is that I don't want a meat eating lifestyle for a child of mine until they are old enough to understand the consequences of that lifestyle for the animals they are consuming. I have several friends who were raised veggie - some still are, some not. I'd rather let them make that choice when they are old enough than compromise my principles. I'm not forcing my choices on anyone else's children...

Claw3 · 12/07/2011 12:57

Ds decided for himself when he was about 3 years old that he did not want to eat animals, he is now 7 years old and still refuses to eat any meat, he is disguisted by the thought.

Perhaps the OP's child does not want to eat meat.

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/07/2011 12:57

Narrowmindedness sausages? I'm not bothered about you eating meat, or feeding it to your dc, it's some meat eaters on this thread that can't open their minds to the idea that it's okay to be vegetarian.

I'm not in the least bothered about people choosing to be vegetarians (where on earth did I say that?).

porpoisefull · 12/07/2011 12:57

"THe man then started on at me about how I should let him make his own choices and to let him eat it which I refused to be drawn into, politely telling him no and then walking away.

He then went up to the mother of the child whose party it was (about 10 feet away from me) and starts banging on about me not letting him eat meat!"

Whatever your views on vegetarianism, that is just rude and he was being a twat. It could be something else, e.g. a two-year old not being allowed chocolate. Unless you think a parent is actually being abusive to their child then you don't start being aggressive about something which is none of your business.

HeadfirstForHalos · 12/07/2011 12:58

Ok unclefest I won't Grin

NoHunIntended · 12/07/2011 12:59

Likewise, squeaky, your four year old may be too young to understand or know the extreme barbarity that is in the meat and dairy industries, and therefore unable to make a reasoned decision that they don't want to contribute to the needless suffering and slaughter of charming, sentient animals.

DBF, vegan here too - hello! :)

Stokey38 · 12/07/2011 13:00

I think he was BVU. At 5 its very much your choice what your sons eats and this man had no right to feed him a sausage. I am vegetarian and my DCs are pescetarian and as soon as they are old enough to make a decision about eating meat then this is how they will remain. I would have been really pissed off.

squeakytoy · 12/07/2011 13:00

I can completely understand people banning their children from foods that are bad for them, but meat is not unhealthy in the diet in moderation.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 12/07/2011 13:00

I was offered a hot dog at the playgroup barbeque when I was 4. I remember it clearly. I said no thank you I don't eat meat. The woman asked my mum when she arrived to pick me up - because she thought I was lying (early 80s!) but I was very clear that I don't eat meat and why.

DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 13:00

If you equip a child with knowledge of the meat industry and what it is that other kids are actually eating you may well find sausages, that the child himself chooses to be vegetarian.

My DC are teenagers. Lifelong vegetarians too. Wild horses wouldn't drag them to eat what we in this house regard as dead animals. Their choice.

unclefest · 12/07/2011 13:01

phew headfirst. Lots of calcium in snail shells Grin

DogsBestFriend · 12/07/2011 13:02

Hi NoHunIntended, good to know I'm not a lone voice here! :o

unclefest · 12/07/2011 13:02

that is not the point. Many vegetarians object to the barbarity of the mass slaughter industry, and we don't want our children indirectly involved in that.