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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be jealous of DH and his cousin's exclusive nights out?

68 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 21:56

My DH's cousin was dumped by her H for an OW. Understandably, she has leaned on my DH for support as he is a very caring and understanding person. I really felt for her and sent her my best wishes. She just wanted to go out for drinks and get pissed with my DH alone. I was fine with this. This has been going on for a couple of months now.

On Saturday, I decided I would like to come with them as I am left at loose ends at the weekend so I offered to drive them on their night out. DH said "I think Cousin just wants it to be me and her" I said "Well I want it to be me, you and her" and I insisted on joining them.

She seemed surprised yet pleased to see me. It was nice to have a night out with them although I had to stay sober while they got pissed together. She was obviously having her ego boosted by having these nights out with DH. She was whispering sweet nothings to him and running her hands through his hair. This behaviour did not phase me as she has always been extremely flirtatious with him - he does not reciprocate.

However, at the end of the night she was saying to him "Remember those times before you met Dolldagga, me and you used to go to that restaurant and they all thought we were a couple? Well XH is going to have the kids over at his every other weekend, lets do that again just me and you every other Friday night and lets go to the clubs on the Saturday nights and Dolldagga can come on the Saturday!"

I have told DH this is going too far now. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Malificence · 11/07/2011 22:02

Utterly unacceptable in every way imho not to mention very weird indeed, you've been very patient, I'd have ripped her face off by now. What the hell does your H think he's playing at? Talk about blurred boundaries.

ledkr · 11/07/2011 22:05

omg,i cant believe it,how vile,tell him this stops right now they are both being highly inapprpriate.

AgentZigzag · 11/07/2011 22:07

YANBU, your DH needs to start detaching himself from her slowly so she can get other passtimes/support.

I'm surprised he's let it get this far actually.

Reality · 11/07/2011 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

discobeaver · 11/07/2011 22:14

Wtf?
Dolldogga you can't really think this is Ok? Your cousin is taking the piss, and you are providing the bucket.

discobeaver · 11/07/2011 22:15

Oh wait, it's HIS cousin! Blerk.

malinois · 11/07/2011 22:16

Speaking as someone who has copped off with a cousin in the past Blush you probably want to put a stop to this.

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 22:26

I'm not worried about them copping off, although she obviously does fancy him and always has. I just don't think it is doing my ego any good that they want to go out 'as a couple' so bloody frequently!

He doesn't agree with me when I tell him she has the hots for him (cousin cousin love not possible?) but even the DDs have mentioned it - they find it very weird yet amusing.

I wish she would find some other mates to go out with at the weekends now!

OP posts:
caramelwaffle · 11/07/2011 22:33

From what you have said...

She wants him. Cousin, or no cousin.
He is happy to facilitate it, for whatever reason.

caramelwaffle · 11/07/2011 22:34

Oh
Yanbu btw

AnyFucker · 11/07/2011 22:34

Your husband and his cousin sound like lovestruck pillocks, tbh

How humiliating for you

I would be having a very strong word with my husband about slowly cutting contact and providing more appropriate support than that he is currently offering Hmm

diggingintheribs · 11/07/2011 22:35

if she were a friend and not a cousin would he consider this appropriate?

Why don't you just tell him that it would be kinder to her if she broadened her social group. Perhaps you could go out with a group of friends?

If I saw my dads cousin flirting with him I think I would be severely traumatised. Actually, i think i;d be traumatised if I saw anyone flirting with him! Your poor DDs!!

discobeaver · 11/07/2011 22:35

He isn't a mate though he is a potential shag. I wouldnt be having a bar of this.
Greta Scacchi has a child with her first cousin, I was reading about it last night. That's not strictly relevant I do realise.

ImperialBlether · 11/07/2011 22:41

;) at DiscoBeaver. That's the sort of remark on MN that I just love.

Xales · 11/07/2011 22:41

Sorry these are date nights not just getting pissed and leaning on his shoulder to her.

For whatever reason he is enjoying the ego trip and it is to the detriment of what could be your date nights.

Is he going out every Saturday with her? Plus now she wants him to go out with her every other Friday (without you). Saturdays and every other Friday is completely taking the piss if he goes without the flirting and sexual innuendo. Also if he is going out this often does he have to recover the next day so what do you and your DC do?

You honestly believe he thinks it is all innocent? I don't think any man or woman is that foolish. Would he like someone touching you up in this manner?

You are right it is not on for them to go out as a couple so often. It will damage your marriage.

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 22:45

If she were just a friend I really don't think he would be doing this. But she is family. He has grown up with her and I know he only sees her as he always has.

She however is a maneater and loves to surround herself with attractive men. I think she may love my DH in more ways than one.

But she has been hurt and DH thinks I should make allowances for that. I have done. But I'm getting fed up of this now.

OP posts:
mo3d · 11/07/2011 22:45

Your H isn't stupid. He's enjoying the attention. Either you're invited to all the outings, or he doesn't go. I'm sorry, but the 2 of them out together is a date.

AnyFucker · 11/07/2011 22:48

Get angry, fgs

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 22:48

It was the "and on Saturdays Dolldagga can come!" that had me snorting on my tonic water! I think she is fucking bonkers!

OP posts:
Xales · 11/07/2011 22:49

I would suggest to her that she can babysit in return for your H's attention occasionally so that you and he can have a date night....

AnyFucker · 11/07/2011 22:50

So why are you swallowing it ?

And why are you doing that classic thing of blaming her ?

Think about it

She isn't actually bonkers. You are for letting your husband take the piss out of you with her.

caramelwaffle · 11/07/2011 22:51

They are date nights.
You are not in an open-marriage I presume.

His cousin is dictating the terms of your and your husbands relationship time.

She needs to jog on quite frankly.

AnyFucker · 11/07/2011 22:53

no

she is not the issue here

< bangs head against wall >

squeakytoy · 11/07/2011 22:54

She was whispering sweet nothings to him and running her hands through his hair. This behaviour did not phase me

Well it frigging well ought to..... I would have probably read her her fortune by now and put a stop to their shennanigens....

caramelwaffle · 11/07/2011 22:56

No. I actually agree with you AF.

But she has had her "support time"
Time to jog on.

"She was whispering sweet nothings to him and running her hands through his hair. This behaviour did not phase me as she has always been extremely flirtatious with him - he does not reciprocate"

The problem is him NOT saying "stop it love. That's not on..."

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