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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be jealous of DH and his cousin's exclusive nights out?

68 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 21:56

My DH's cousin was dumped by her H for an OW. Understandably, she has leaned on my DH for support as he is a very caring and understanding person. I really felt for her and sent her my best wishes. She just wanted to go out for drinks and get pissed with my DH alone. I was fine with this. This has been going on for a couple of months now.

On Saturday, I decided I would like to come with them as I am left at loose ends at the weekend so I offered to drive them on their night out. DH said "I think Cousin just wants it to be me and her" I said "Well I want it to be me, you and her" and I insisted on joining them.

She seemed surprised yet pleased to see me. It was nice to have a night out with them although I had to stay sober while they got pissed together. She was obviously having her ego boosted by having these nights out with DH. She was whispering sweet nothings to him and running her hands through his hair. This behaviour did not phase me as she has always been extremely flirtatious with him - he does not reciprocate.

However, at the end of the night she was saying to him "Remember those times before you met Dolldagga, me and you used to go to that restaurant and they all thought we were a couple? Well XH is going to have the kids over at his every other weekend, lets do that again just me and you every other Friday night and lets go to the clubs on the Saturday nights and Dolldagga can come on the Saturday!"

I have told DH this is going too far now. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
kaid100 · 11/07/2011 22:57

I'm thinking you didn't intervene sooner because you figured since they were family nothing would happen. Relationships between cousins are rare today because people travel around so much, but in the past where people were more likely to stay living near the homestead, options were more limited and being cousins wasn't a bar to being a couple. According to this Wikipedia article there is only a low chance of the genetic problems that would be far more likely with, say, siblings. I think it might be a plan to intervene in exactly the way you would if it were an old school friend from primary school that was starting to get a bit too flirty with him.

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 23:00

Thanks for the replies. I knew I wasn't BU really but I am surprised that no one has seen it from my DHs pov. His cousin's 3rd H has walked out on her for an OW. I feel for her but DH thinks I am not being understanding enough of her pain. I am!

OP posts:
BrawToken · 11/07/2011 23:00

OMG. She's barking and your husband is being a total dick. I would be going out with my (rather dishy) cousin on Fridays too. See how he likes it.

AnyFucker · 11/07/2011 23:01

What are you going to do, doll ?

CurrySpice · 11/07/2011 23:03

I would have more of a problem with the DH than the cousin tbh. I think it's time for A Talk

gomummygo · 11/07/2011 23:04

OK, so your husband is dating his cousin.

That pretty much sums it up.

Unless you are ok with that you need to tell him that this strange setup ends now, period.

Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt.

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 23:07

Well I have told him this has gone too far now. I'm not playing gooseberry to them this weekend!

OP posts:
caramelwaffle · 11/07/2011 23:09

Have you actually told him? And he has agreed not to have any dates alone with his cousin?

AgentZigzag · 11/07/2011 23:09

When you say you're not playing gooseberry this weekend, I hope you mean because he won't be going out with her, rather than they're going out without you.

Don't let him try to brush this off as you being paranoid.

TheSecondComing · 11/07/2011 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 11/07/2011 23:10

and he reacted, how ?

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 23:11

Oh yes BrawToken I have lots of single male cousins in my extended family too! Maybe 2 of us could go to that restaurant where everyone once thought DH and his cousin were a couple!

OP posts:
caramelwaffle · 11/07/2011 23:12

What reason has been given for her not coming to your house for "understanding" tea / wine and "support" ?

pestroid · 11/07/2011 23:17

Dh has cousins that are couples, in fact two sets. Be aware.

Original poster
dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 11/07/2011 23:18

DH was that pissed he says he can't remember her organising date nights every other Friday.

He is actually a bit embarrassed now cos I have told his mum and dad and the DCs about what was said and they were pissing themselves laughing.

He says I am exaggerating. I wish I was. He won't be going on any more exclusive nights out with her. I guarantee it.

I feel so much better that I have stood up for myself and spoken out.

I was a bit worried that I might be seen as heartless by some tbh. I have been more than understanding tho.

OP posts:
kaid100 · 11/07/2011 23:19

Ignoring the cousin issue for a moment, her husband left her for an OW (and of course it's entirely reasonable to need support), but isn't she now becoming the OW in your marriage?

hairfullofsnakes · 11/07/2011 23:20

As always anyfucker talks a lotta sense - your H is facilitating her behaviour and quite frankly I bet he enjoys the ego boost and uses the cousin card to keep you quiet. This is not on and yabu for being so ok with it. You need to wise up lady and put a stop to this or it will
Bite you on the ass.

JoleneJoleneJoleneJoleeene · 11/07/2011 23:21

Let's hope he sticks to it.

mo3d · 11/07/2011 23:21

I think telling his mum and dad was a stroke of genius because how it's family news.

I think you've sorted it beautifully.

hairfullofsnakes · 11/07/2011 23:22

And also his putting her before you by saying she wanted the nights to be jus him and her... Hmm

Alarm bells!

mo3d · 11/07/2011 23:22

not 'how', 'now'

AnyFucker · 11/07/2011 23:23

At last

Bloody hell, that was like getting blood out of a stone

he wil not be going on any more "exclusive" nights out with her. You guarantee it.

OK

Now have a little think about why you had to check with a bunch of strangers about where you were out of order in putting your foot down

clue : you should have done it sooner

and your husband needs a fucking rocket up his arse, stupid pillock

AnyFucker · 11/07/2011 23:23

whether you were out of order

hairfullofsnakes · 11/07/2011 23:26
Grin
iscream · 11/07/2011 23:26

Lot's of marriages end, doesn't mean anyone can hog someones husband so many week ends. She doesn't sound that upset to me. I wasn't running my hands through someones hair and flirting when heartbroken.

She should count herself lucky if you and your husband include her occasionally, not the other way around.