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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still want to hold my 4 year old ds hand when iut

30 replies

ChablisLover · 10/07/2011 18:39

Dh says he is 4 nearly 5 and I should leave him be but he is really still quite young and especially when we are not in our own town that I want to hold onto him and know where he is.

Aibu? Or over cautious?

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 10/07/2011 18:42

Could you try

"OK - I won't hold your hand. But I get a bit scared when we go to xx. Would you hold MY hand then and look after me?"

kbaby · 10/07/2011 18:43

Uanbu.

I hold my 5 year old Ds and dd 7 hand everywhere. The only time I don't is if were in a quiet area and they walk besides me but even then Ds would still prefer to hold my hand if he could.

HeadfirstForHalos · 10/07/2011 18:44

It depends on the child. My youngest is 3 and he walks nicely with us and didn't need to hold on, so we let him have the freedom. My older son constantly ran off until 5 and we didn't dare let go! If your dc is fairly sensible yab a bit u.

HeadfirstForHalos · 10/07/2011 18:45

I must add if we are walking by the road I hold his hand, and my 5 yo dds.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 10/07/2011 18:48

I didnt realise holding your moms hand was a punishment for a child Confused I think its nice, my 3yr old DS dives to hold my hand, hes going to stop soon isnt he Sad

ProfYaffle · 10/07/2011 18:51

I always hold dd2's hand when we're out but that's mainly because she walks really slowly if i don't.

kbaby · 10/07/2011 19:04

Babydub I agree, I like it and my dc like it too. I don't do it because I need to but because it feels strange not to do it. They have never run off though so ive never viewed it as punishment.

activate · 10/07/2011 19:05

I think it's a mixture

you hold it when near a road or crowded and when he wants you to

and you give him some freedom when not

it's not up to DH is it? what's he trying to do make a man of him?

HeadfirstForHalos · 10/07/2011 19:09

It's not a punishment, surely? I hold my dc hands because it's nice too, sometimes to keep them safe. Sometimes they do like to walk without holding hands though and that's good too :)

Lindax · 10/07/2011 19:17

still hold 7 yo ds hand when in busy area or near roads, ds has never mined and I've never really thought about it stopping it (probably will before he's 16 Wink)

Glitterandglue · 10/07/2011 19:22

It's not wrong, but if your DS is neurotypical I wouldn't think it necessary. Of course it depends on the particular child and if he's either especially head-in-the-clouds or unable to sense danger then I could see why, but for the majority of four year olds, I'd say they'd be fine.

Think about when they take reception classes out on trips - they don't have one adult per child or even per two children. The kids usually hold hands with each other, not an adult, and that's seen as safe.

NotQuiteSoDesperate · 10/07/2011 19:31

Last Saturday I was walking dow the road (on holiday) with my 2 DSs, one on each side holding my hands.

They are 18 and 21 and were looking after their old Mum as I'm not very well. Aaaah!

:)

HeyYouJimmy · 10/07/2011 19:49

As long as your DS is able to understand that roads are dangerous and has demonstrated that he can keep to the inside of the path and stop at the kerb, then he should be OK.

I've always told my kids (5 & 6yo) that if a car hit them even at 5mph, it's going to really hurt. That scared them a good bit so they're very careful around roads, but they don't feel the need to hold my hand as they ALWAYS stop at the kerb and walk on the inside of the path. DS and DD usually crosses a quiet road to get to their friend's house, so they are pretty good at crossing roads and are very aware of the danger.

SmethwickBelle · 10/07/2011 19:51

I love holding DSnearly 4's hand and will do it as long as he lets me. I insist on it crossing the road unless he's pushing his scooter or bike across.

Luckily he still likes holding my hand too.

Mousey84 · 10/07/2011 19:52

My DD is 8 and would more often than not reach out to hold my hand when we are out walking. She kinda rubs my hand with her thumb too, in a comforting way. However, she goes out on her own too, so now its not really a safety thing, just a lovely bonding sort of thing.

As a few people have said, when it comes to safety, its individual to the child when you let them walk without having to hold their hand.

kindlekid · 10/07/2011 19:58

It depends on the child.

My dd was 5 recently and is normally very cautious about roads, traffic etc but we were in town a few weeks ago when a dog came running towards her and startled her. She ran straight out onto the street without looking. Luckily there was nothing coming.

It scared me half to death. I tried to grab her when she ran but I had dd2 in the buggy and wasn't quick enough.

We are back to holding hands tightly in town now.

Heifer · 10/07/2011 20:16

I still hold my DD (7) hand whilst walking about. I like it. Sometimes she wants to run ahead and that's fine by me. I remember the 1st time this happened being sad and thinking she wouldn't want to hold my hand again, but she does.

It's happening more often now that she wants to walk ahead of me, so I am aware that it won't be too long before she won't want to hold hands at all. I'm making the most of it whilst I can. I love walking to and from school every day, chatting and holding hands..

Pudding2be · 10/07/2011 20:49

No you are NBU. When I am driving down the road and a small child doesn't have rains on/holding an adults hand it terrifies me. Not matter what you can't predict what may startle a child into the road

My biggest fear is knocking down a child, I don't think it's something I could live with Sad so I drive past v carefully.

You keep holding your DC's hand, I'm expecting my first and will most definatley be hand holding

blueeyedmonster · 10/07/2011 20:53

My ds (3) will rarely hold my hand unless we are near/crossing the road. He lets go asap afterwards too.

Original poster
ChablisLover · 11/07/2011 09:53

Thanks

Don;t think i am being unreasonable. - would rather know where he was rather than run off and get hurt or lost

He is really quite young in his outlook and I would rather he held my hand - even only a pinky hold - so I know he is there.

But his dad thinks he should be treated age appropriately on this and many other things - he wants him to be watching ben 10 and the like - whereas DS would rather watch Cbeebies programmes and I am fine with that - I don;t want him to grow up too quickly but to have a happy carefree childhood like I did.

OP posts:
Meglet · 11/07/2011 09:56

yanbu. I hold my ds's hands when we are near roads or in busy areas. He does tend to bolt when he's in a huff.

I made him wear reins in London a few weeks ago.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/07/2011 10:01

YANBU. I hold my DDs hand when we walk anywhere. She is 10.2

UsingMainlySpells · 11/07/2011 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotEnoughTime · 11/07/2011 10:08

NotQuiteSoDesperate-your boys sound lovely. I hope you are feeling better now.

I hope and pray think my two boys will be like that when they and I are older too.

AuntiePickleBottom · 11/07/2011 11:29

I wish my dd aged 2 would hold my hands, I had humble pie as I have ever agreed with reins, but they are a must for her as she is a bolter. I love holding my 5 year old hand but he is very aware of road safety and never runs off