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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the reason your child still whinges at 7 years old is because you encourage it

50 replies

activate · 09/07/2011 21:00

and you should just start parenting instead of pampering and talking at - stick the brat in another room and tell them to calm down and talk in a normal voice

and I'm not taking about occasional whinges I'm talking full-on whinging sessions that last until the child gets her 3rd ice-cream or 4th cup of coke

OMG I've had too many children to deal with this again

OP posts:
hellospoon · 09/07/2011 21:02

if this is the way you parent, then i feel sorry for the kids.

Original poster
activate · 09/07/2011 21:04

I feel sorry for the kids too - and it's not my parenting - it's the parent of a friend of my youngest child who does it every fucking time I have the misfortune to be in the same room as them

OP posts:
AtYourCrucio · 09/07/2011 21:07

Bollocks.

Bunbaker · 09/07/2011 21:08

My daughter has a degree in whinging and she is ten. And, no, I definitely do not encourage it. Some children simply whinge more than others. I don't give in either, so I don't know why she keeps trying.

Original poster
activate · 09/07/2011 21:09

actually I don't feel sorry for her - I feel bloody irritated by her ongoing whinginess which is only there when mum is in the room IME

OP posts:
Original poster
activate · 09/07/2011 21:10

Yeah Bunbaker sometimes they just are - but ignoring is appropriate surely - not pandering and cuddling and talking at and giving in

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 09/07/2011 21:10

Most kids play up more for their Mum.

YAB majorly grumpy!

meditrina · 09/07/2011 21:10

I think there's some truth in what you say - if whinging brings results then of course they'll keep doing it. So if you want it to stop, then there has to be penalty for doing it, and reward instead for talking nicely.

But you do need to aim off a bit for the child's temperament and inherent tone of voice. One of mine just sounds a lot whinier naturally - can be very irritating, but it doesn't have the same level of intent (IYSWIM), so a gentler approach is indicated. Repeated inappropriate demands would still be dealt with firmly, but we can't do so much about the actual voice (though that's easing as the DC gets bigger and the voicebox is changing).

hellospoon · 09/07/2011 21:11

have you tried to help her?

WhoWhoWhoWho · 09/07/2011 21:12

Some kids are naturally whingier than others.

Nattering and wheedling on the other hand only continue long term with encouragement imo. A child only needs a snifter of weakness that a parent might cave and the nattering/wheedling seems like a viable way of getting what they want.

TattyDevine · 09/07/2011 21:13

Within reason, possibly. Not actively encouraging it but not realising the ways in which they are still facilitating it for a quiet life. Better to nip it in the bud than to feed it.

Exceptions, of course, but generally, YANBU, though I suspect you've worded it ambiguously enough to get a semi-flaming Grin

Original poster
activate · 09/07/2011 21:13

what would you like me to do hellospoon? take the child off her, interfere in her own parenting, put in my own parenting where I feel her style is failing?

really?

surely that is totally inappropriate isn't it

OP posts:
Amaretti · 09/07/2011 21:13

Sometimes they whinge not to get what they say they want, though, but to get the parent's attention. That's what I think a lot of parents don't appreciate. So the parent doesn't understand why they whinge for sweets, or whatever, because they are never given them, but what the child us actually seeking -and getting- is adult attention. Interrupting an adult conversation, that kind of thing.

Original poster
activate · 09/07/2011 21:14

would you allow a 7 year old to have 4 glasses of coke and 3 ice-creams in one afternoon?

OP posts:
itsastrawpoll · 09/07/2011 21:15

Oh good god, please, please, please tell me how to avoid this fate.

My DD1 is nearly 3 and the biggest whiner in the world, especially when she's tired, which is all the time.

I tell her all the time "i don't want to use the whiny voice, ask nicely please", and if she whines she wants a biscuit I tell her she can have a yoghurt or a banana.

etc etc. But STILL she whines. HOw do I end it, how?

Original poster
activate · 09/07/2011 21:15

judgey-pants well and truly on Grin

even DS1 was rolling his eyes - and he's the calmest most gentle soul int he world

OP posts:
meditrina · 09/07/2011 21:19

Well, you can't say anything in RL, can you? It's why a vent here can be useful - to see if your view gets mainstream support or not.

DogsBestFriend · 09/07/2011 21:19

With you all the way activate.

I know children like this and parents who pander to it. I also know grandparents who pander to it (yes, I'm looking at YOU, mother and stepfather!).

Some people just can't say no nor if the child persists can they have the backbone to send them into another room/whatever until the child can speak of something other than the third ice-cream. And I want to slap... I'm not sure which I'd slap first but both whingy children and indulgent parents make my fingers itch.

Bunbaker · 09/07/2011 21:20

"would you allow a 7 year old to have 4 glasses of coke and 3 ice-creams in one afternoon?"

No way. DD had one coke and one ice cream this afternoon. It was a beautiful day and we were watching the mayor's parade. She rarely gets given coke as I don't keep it in the house and doesn't eat ice cream very often. She knows full well that if she has a coke she won't get another.

Amaretti · 09/07/2011 21:22

You have to ignore it. Literally pretend you cannot hear it. Like that awful thing kids do to other kids at school. At 3 yo I would probably say "I can't hear your whiney voice". After a short while it will work. You may feel mean while you are doing it but it won't take long and you will be so glad you don't have a whiney 8yo.

Amaretti · 09/07/2011 21:22

Sorry - that was to strawpoll

pictish · 09/07/2011 21:24

Urk I cannot bear whinging!!

hellospoon · 09/07/2011 21:26

well actually yes.

If you are really concerned about the way a child is being treated then yes, as her friend you should be able to ask her if everything is ok. She may be struggling to cope with the child and may need some advice on how to deal with her 'brat' as you put it.

No child should be given that much sugary stuff, as a friend and a human being you should be able to step in slightly more diplomatic than you have put it on here but in a kind way.

Original poster
activate · 09/07/2011 21:28

I think that you're really quite mad

you don't step into someone else's parenting because their child is irritating you with its constant whinging and grabbing

you quietly roll your eyes and rant to people who are not involved and try to avoid seeing them again as and when you can

DS1 started to interfere and I had to pull him into the kitchen to stop him

OP posts:
itsastrawpoll · 09/07/2011 21:29

Amaretti, I do all that, I do all of it! I leave the room sometimes. I NEVER give in to what she's whining for.

And yet she whines.

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