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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that the reason your child still whinges at 7 years old is because you encourage it

50 replies

activate · 09/07/2011 21:00

and you should just start parenting instead of pampering and talking at - stick the brat in another room and tell them to calm down and talk in a normal voice

and I'm not taking about occasional whinges I'm talking full-on whinging sessions that last until the child gets her 3rd ice-cream or 4th cup of coke

OMG I've had too many children to deal with this again

OP posts:

Original poster

activate · 09/07/2011 21:31

she's 3 - she'll learn - keep it up

OP posts:

CoteDAzur · 09/07/2011 21:36

I have one whinger and one non-whinger. My parenting to both is the same.

YABU. There is something called "personality", you know.

Original poster

activate · 09/07/2011 21:39

and sugar / preservative overload doesn't help does it Cote DAzur

OP posts:

Amaretti · 09/07/2011 21:44

Have you tried STOP IT? And then THE LOOK?

CoteDAzur · 09/07/2011 21:46

Mine don't get sugar nor preservative overload. And I wish it were so easy as "stop it" and "the look". My version of both is quite scary, I assure you.

DD breaks down and cries when she gets them. And she whinges some more.

itsastrawpoll · 09/07/2011 21:51

Stop it and the look result in more whining and pushing her over the edge into tears. Sadly.

itsastrawpoll · 09/07/2011 21:51

Oh cote, your DD sounds vair much like mine.

CoteDAzur · 09/07/2011 21:55

She is 6, by the way.

So at 7, she might very well still be a whinger. And that will not be because I encourage it. YABU.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 09/07/2011 21:56

Careful who you judge, though. My DS2 has ASD, is 11 and whinges for Britain. I do not pander to it, I don't even get stressed any more. Mostly I laugh, or you'd cry. And I can just feel all the judgey eyes on me, because he looks NT.

hellospoon · 10/07/2011 19:38

actually, i think you are the one who is rather mad!

Lets flip this round shall we;

You are struggling with your DD, she constantly whines at you and demands treats all the time, she grinds you down from the minute she wakes up to the minute she goes to bed and you are totally exhausted by it so you give her the treats etc just for an easy life because you have tried everything you can think of to sort this problem out.

Now you have what you think (think being the operative word here) you have a really good friend who comes round quite often, you chat and get on really well, you see your daughter is annoying them but as you are exhausted and feel you have no more options you just give more treats as hey this works and you get 5 minutes peace in return!

so your friend says to you one day in a really calm way, 'is there anything i can do to help you with anything atall, just let me know if you need anything' well from this you feel total relief and have an opportunity to offload about the problems with your DD and potentially get some advice on what you can do to change it all. This helps you realise your not alone and help is there for you in the form of a friend.

or would you rather your friend totally backed off from you and slated your parenting skills on a public forum?

I know which one i would rather have. Lets just hope your 'friend' doesn't come on here with a "AIBU to be totally fed up with my annoying child" else she may find your thread. yet again if she came on here she would get support!

mumblebum · 10/07/2011 19:43

Maybe she gives in because she can see you getting annoyed and wants to stop the whinging ASAP!

lashingsofbingeinghere · 10/07/2011 20:01

The reason kids whine is because - it works. Even negative attention is better than no attention.

I cannot bear it, personally. The minute my DC started any whining I would simply snap, "No whining. Whiners get nothing." I would then simply refuse to engage with them. They had their faults as kids, but whining definitely wasn't one of them .

PonceyMcPonce · 10/07/2011 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsTeak · 10/07/2011 20:40

my eldest has whining tendencies. I refuse to speak to him unless he talks in a normal voice, and I tell him nobody likes a whinger. It's true, and it works too.

FabbyChic · 10/07/2011 20:42

All children should be treated with the respect you expect them to give you, when you ask them to do something you say please you say thank you.

Treat them as more than just your child and they will respond in a more adult and better behaved manner.

Having had two children who have now reached 23 and 18 respectively with no tantrums asking for more I do feel I have valid experience to comment.

Niecie · 10/07/2011 20:52

I have a whinger too. DS1 is nearly 11 and can whinge for Britian. I don't tolerate it, I can't bear it - it drives me potty but he doesn't change. It would be lovely to rise above it and ignore it but it doesn't work - he can't hear me being reasonable over the sound of his own voice.

I can't wait for his voice to break as at least it won't be whingy and whiney.

Bunbaker · 10/07/2011 21:05

"Having had two children who have now reached 23 and 18 respectively with no tantrums asking for more I do feel I have valid experience to comment."

It's nice to be so smug isn't it.

I have always said please and thank you to my daughter. She is beautifully polite at school and at friend's houses, she is very well behaved when we go out, but she is an olympic whiner at home. I don't give in, but she still whines. The message is taking a long time to get home.

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 10/07/2011 21:12

Ha ha, Fabbychic. The huge experience of two children!

bellavita · 10/07/2011 21:20

Niece - I can't wait for his voice to break as at least it won't be shinty and whiney

- shall I tell you what will happen? He will boom and be very loud! even when he speaks in a normal voice....

I would never ever let a child have that many cokes or ice creams in a day. They could whine all they like...

bellavita · 10/07/2011 21:21

Aft is shinty? whingey

bellavita · 10/07/2011 21:22

Arghhhhh WTF

skybluepearl · 10/07/2011 21:45

i have to use time out for whinging - it's the only way for me. Seems to work though

skybluepearl · 10/07/2011 21:49

mine whinge when exhausted - sometimes i can lift their genral mood with reading books, chatting or playing a game.

Niecie · 10/07/2011 22:37

Oh no Bellavita - he is already loud, it can't get worse, can it!?!

At least when his voice breaks dogs in the area will be safe. He gets so screechy sometimes I reckon they are they only ones who can hear half of what he says when he really gets going.

What a horrible mother I am - he is lovely really.

thursday · 10/07/2011 22:51

OP didn't say she was a really good friend of whiner's mum did she? i do think its possible she gives in more in public because the row is embarrassing though. having spent a full day saying no to my whinger today i know it would have been easier to give in and shut him up, and i wouldnt have had lots of eyebrows passing between family members etc. but i'm not being bossed about by a stoppy 4yr old.

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