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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to stay in at my house EVERY weekend?

39 replies

RockWeLoveYou · 09/07/2011 16:27

DPand I do not live together and have kind of got into the routine of every other weekend when DD is at her fathers house DP comes here for the saturday night and stays until sunday. When this originally started he kepts saying "I'll get DS to stay out a few satursdays too so you can stay at my house for a change" but this has never happened. He always just comes to my house and its got to the point now where every weekend i feel like im just stuck in the house becuase its not a night out for me is it? its alright for him, he comes here, eats, sleeps and then goes home. I'm left with all the washing up, mess etc and feel a bit hard done by that I never get a night out. I know its because he cant be arsed to find a babysitter for his son and so finds it miles easier just to come to my house and stay the night leaving his son (14) at home alone.
I know it IS easier for him to come to my house but AIBU in expecting him to make an effort just every now and again for me to go to HIS house so I get a change of scenary too?

OP posts:

Katisha · 09/07/2011 16:31

WHy does the DS have to stay out if you come round?

Pancakeflipper · 09/07/2011 16:33

Tonight as you sit on the settee together inform him that next weekend you are off out.

Now it's up to you if you decide that you are going to the cinema/ pub/ restaurant/ theatre/ for a walk with him or with one of your friends.

You are in a rut. Shake it up.

Original poster

RockWeLoveYou · 09/07/2011 16:35

We havnt met each others children yet and plus he always says its good to "get away" every other weekend but he doesn't think about me stuck in the same house week after week and then being left with a shit hole to tidy up every sunday night

OP posts:

Laquitar · 09/07/2011 16:45

You might end up with a dull man if he never wants to do anything else.

It is not just the washing up, in the winter it will be your heating cost going up when his will go down, does he bring the food/drinks/dvds?

Laquitar · 09/07/2011 16:46

Have you been at his house?

CybilLiberty · 09/07/2011 16:46

Stop being a mug

Do what YOU want

(sorry am reading Caitlin Moran feminist book and seeing inequality everywhere)

Original poster

RockWeLoveYou · 09/07/2011 16:49

Well he pays half towards the main meal we cook on the saturday night but obviously doesn't factor in the fact that he uses my bread, my milk, often drinks an entire carton of orange juice, my crisps, biscuits etc and as has been said there is the extra gas and electric being used also. I don't mind sharing a bit of food obviously but this set-up just doesn't seem fair to me.

OP posts:

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 09/07/2011 16:53

God almighty why are you putting up with this? This man must be in clover - he gets his dinner cooked, his cock sucked, a change of scenery and he doesn't have to make any effort at all to consider you or your needs. What would happen if you said 'Next weekend, why don't we go out for a meal?'

I mean, some years back I had a boyfriend who lived 200 miles away and we used to visit each other at weekends but it would involve going to a gig or a party or the pub with mates, not just sitting on the sofa together.

LineRunner · 09/07/2011 17:02

I've got a few comments about this; please bear with me.

I have been in a similar situation myself with my 'boyfriend'. It started pissing me off that we never went anywhere and if we did it was never further than the local Wetherspoons for a couple of hours. Booooring.

It started pissing me off that I shopped and paid for the food for the 'nice meal' that I would cook. Boyfriend brought some wine and beer round but it was always just dumped on the table in a carrier bag.

I asked repeatedly for us to go out somewhere, but it never happened because I left him to organise it.

I also think that it's a bit odd for your DP to leave his 14 year old son on his own in his house overnight. That seems tad young to me, if anything were to go wrong.

Why can't you go there, whether the son's home or not?

Why would the son need a babysitter if you went out - he's being left overnight on other occasions.

I also got left with the mess, too. I started asking for help to clean up, and then one day I just thought, 'This is liking having another fucking kid to deal with!!'

At which point I decided boyfriend, despite the 'benefits', was going to be phased out.

Wecanfixit · 09/07/2011 17:08

Sorry to hear of your dilemia, I have been in similar position, dont do it to yourself ,because the more you give the more they take for granted, time to give him an ultimatum ship up or ship out.

skybluepearl · 09/07/2011 19:14

why can't he just take you out for a meal somewhere?

skybluepearl · 09/07/2011 19:16

... his treat for staying at yours and using all your stuff

AgentZigzag · 09/07/2011 19:19

If it's a regular thing then he's not a guest and he's taking advantage by forcing you to treat him like one.

Get him to do some fucking tidying up!

I don't know why he'd just sit back and not crack on with some, even if it was just out of politeness.

OddBoots · 09/07/2011 19:21

I wouldn't put up with this at all and would have words and if that didn't work I'd take that as intentional disrespect and get rid.

If you don't feel willing or able to do that then why not just ask him if he could pick up some bread milk and juice on his way over please as you're running low and suggest you wash up together after eating?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 09/07/2011 19:22

why is the place a "shit hole" when he leaves?

Original poster

RockWeLoveYou · 09/07/2011 19:36

Because he leaves used cups, glasses and plates etc all over the living room.

I've told him just now that it's getting tedious and I want to arrange a night at his house. He said he'll arrange it (we'll see) but he did say we can go out for a meal next weekend instead of cooking.

OP posts:

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 09/07/2011 20:38

Are you absolutely sure there's not a wife/girlfriend at his house? All I can say is this man must be a phenomenal shag.

create · 09/07/2011 20:58

Why does he need a babysitter for you to go out, but not to stay at your place?

I don't have a 14yo, but am certain my parents wouldn't have left me home alone for a whole weekend every other week

WhoWhoWhoWho · 09/07/2011 21:03

Bloody hell why are you putting up with this?!

Why is he leaving dirty cups and mess lying around when he is a guest in your home? Would a good friend treat your house this when you had invited them round?

You would think he would want to treat you nicely, pull his weight by simply tidying up after himself at the very least, and take you out for a nice night out. Then again why would he want to when he can just come round once a week, get his leg over then go home?

He may well just have the DS at home - however he may also have another gf on the scene, live in or live out.

Orbinator · 09/07/2011 21:20

Had the same with my ex - always my house needing tidying after his visits. Was never invited to his or anywhere else for the weekend. It does get boring and samey. You want excitement and fun and you feel as if you might as well be married and settled already. I used to look forward to the weeks sometimes as it was a break having only me making mess in my own house!
I'd make a stand. He'll bore the pants off you sooner than you can say "the recycling bin is that one" otherwise.

worldgonemad72 · 09/07/2011 23:36

im not sure i get this at all why does he need a babysitter for his ds when he leaves him home alone for the night every other week anyway? why cant you go out when he stays yours?
Have you been together long and do you see him more than once a fortnight?

sorry for all the questions, it just seems an odd set up

HHLimbo · 10/07/2011 00:38

"hi how was your journey? Ive got no food, we need to go to the supermarket." (he's paying).

"You peel the potatoes, I'll ..."

"Are you washing up or drying"

"The bathroom and kitchen need cleaning, hoovering needs doing. Take your pick"

Do you like him?

SayItLoud · 10/07/2011 00:53

"he did say we can go out for a meal next weekend instead of cooking" - are you joking? Do you not have a say in this? Why are you letting him make all the decisions, and why would you want to be with someone who wanted to do that? He makes ZERO effort for you, and you get hard work and no fun.

Dorje · 10/07/2011 01:00

Maybe you shouldn't wear that french maids outfit so much!

ronx · 10/07/2011 01:11

springchicken. 'this man gets his dinner cooked, his cock sucked ...'

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